Professor XXX

I spent 12 years in Catholic school and my entire life as the son of a teacher. Perhaps that’s why I never had the “Teacher wants to see me after school” porn fantasies that appear to populate the dreams of many other men.

As a professor who values the fact I get to work about half a year and earn more than my father did in his last year of work after 38 years in a factory, I never had the “Maybe you’d like to get me to rethink that F” fantasy either.

Still, if you’ve got “Hot for Teacher” on a constant loop in your head and you immediately search for “Teacher sex” on all those free porn sites, perhaps you should relocate to the Oxnard School District in California.Allegations levied against 31-year-old Stacie Halas, a science teacher at Richard B Haydock Intermediate School have led to her being placed on administrative leave while the district sorts things out.

According to several published reports, Halas had worked in pornography under the name Tiffany Six. Aside from several “masturbation style” videos, she performed in hardcore porn films, including one titled “Big Sausage Pizza.”While the district has yet to confirm all of this, the person responsible for filming many of her performances has outed her, shortly before he put her videos online behind a pay wall.

We are nothing if not an opportunistic culture…

As you might expect, this has created some serious handwringing among the good people in the district and has led to people wondering what this world is coming to. Their “mmm… mmm… mmph” approach and the media frenzy surrounding the allegations do little more than allow individuals to engage in moral superiority and faux outrage while quietly searching for her on Google.

Here are the main problems I have with how this has all shaken out:

- Stop saying the teacherwas “moonlighting” as a porn star. It’s disingenuous at best and a flat out lie at worst. According to the guy responsible for filming her (if it’s even really her, which we haven’t fully established yet), most of this stuff was shot between 2005 and 2006 when Halas was working as an EMT. Moonlighting suggests that a) she was a teacher while she was also a porn star and b) this porn career is ongoing. Neither of which is true. Calling this activity “moonlighting” is like saying I am a professor who is moonlighting as a gas station attendant because I happened to work as one once.

- This great “moral turpitude” clause that everyone is yammering about needs to be applied universally to the “colleagues” who just “happened” to find her videos on the Web and then alerted administrators. We also need to apply it to the parents who found the videos and the parents of the kids who were able to locate the videos. In this strange little world we’ve created, finding porn online, viewing porn online and doing God knows what else to porn online doesn’t violate moral turpitude, but performing in porn does. Really? Also, have you looked around out there at all the porn? I mean, you could spend an entire week on a single free porn site and not watch half of the shit that’s up there. How is it, exactly, that these “colleagues” just “happened upon” the right site with her video? Hmm…

- We clearly need to invest in improved education and technology in our schools. No, not for the kids, but for the administrators. After being alerted by students (seventh and eighth graders, mind you) that they found the porn film with Halas, administrators did their own searches and were unable to find one scrap of evidence that this film or this actress existed. They were so convinced in their searches that they sent out official notice that the Halas-is-Six rumor was unfounded. Shortly after, several faculty members pulled the video up on their smartphones and showed the administrators, who were shocked. The reason the admin couldn’t find the video? The school district computers had blockers on them, thus restricting their access to porn sites. And these are the people in charge?

- Speaking of stupid things administrators are saying, here’s an amazingly naïve passage from the official post- “OK, we figured out how to find porn on our computers” letter:

“We are asking teachers to discourage the children from searching for and/or visiting these inappropriate sites. We ask that you be particularly vigilant over the next few days with respect to the Internet content being accessed by your child on his or her telephone or other Internet-ready devices.”

The three people in the district who haven’t found the movies yet will likely respect this request for all of about 2.3 seconds before Googling “Tracy Six” and “Big Sausage Pizza.” The quickest way to get people to do something is to tell them not to do it.

Quick: Don’t think of a pink elephant.

(Disclosure tangent: It dawned on me about half way through this that I was about to start defending someone I’d never met and actions I’d never seen. Thus, I scanned the Web for some deeper insight (stop laughing). I’m doing this for you at First Draft. It’s a dirty job but I’m committed to being an informed blogger… Anyway, I didn’t have access to the whole Tiffany Six back catalog, but what I saw in a couple small clips was enough to give me pause. Let’s be clear about one thing: This wasn’t “nude art pictures.” It wasn’t a “masturbation” thing, either. This was a movie in which the phrase “I want that big black cock in my fucking ass” was being bandied about at the frequency in which you’d hear “More coffee, please” at a diner. I’m not going to pretend for a minute that it would be easy to sit through a parent-teacher conference with her after what I saw. However, I’ve had awkward situations in which a student told me she was pregnant before breaking down in tears in my office, I’ve tried to have a casual conversation with a nun and I’ve had my parents once tell a date of mine that although I’m an only child “it wasn’t due to lack of trying.” If discomfort was my only measuring stick for what should and shouldn’t be allowed, I’d have gone insane years ago.)

Like it or not, pornography is not criminal. It’s not illegal for adults to buy it, own it or even perform in it. I don’t want to see Paris Hilton blowing some guy in what appears to be a room lit by night-vision goggles. I don’t know which Kardashian is in which fuck film, but I know I couldn’t care less about seeing them. However, I can if I want to and that’s what makes this country great: My decisions about what I do, see or enjoy don’t have to be the same things you do, see or enjoy.

I’ve viewed porn and I know plenty of other people who have as well. It’s hypocritical to suggest that consuming it is somehow OK, but being part of it isn’t OK. One of the main reasons I’ve never frequented a strip club (other than I hear the lunch buffets are subpar) is that I heard over the years from a number of former female students that instructors and students alike had frequented these places and often danced at them. The “I’m stripping to pay my way through college” myth? Yeah, it’s less mythological than one might think.

Even more, it’s stupid to think that only degenerates or the depraved ever flip to that X-rated channel or stop by that “book store” that has paper on all its windows.According to Forbes magazine’s most conservative estimate in 2001, porn generates several billion dollars a year. That’s a lot of money for something that no one ever buys or looks at.

What Halas might have done (again, probably it’s her, but let’s stick with the whole “innocent until proven guilty” thing), might offend some people, but it’s not illegal. How many teachers have a DUI, unpaid child support or outstanding speeding tickets? How many of them have engaged in a wild night, had promiscuous sex or done something else that would be “morally questionable” in the eyes of group of parents? We don’t know. The only reason we know about Halas is because her lapse in judgment (or however you want to view this) showed up online. Had she done this 10 or 20 years ago, the only way she’d gotten caught is if someone happened upon her film at a porn store.

If anything, I’d be interested to hear what Halas has to say about this. If you’re looking for a “teachable moment” (stop snickering), maybe she’s got it. If she is ashamed of her past, she could tell kids, “Look, here’s what happens when you do something you should think twice about. There are consequences and they will follow you. Think about that when you’re on Facebook.”

If she’s not ashamed, she could say, “Look, does this make me a worse teacher? I’m teaching science and no, I’m not hot for your kid or your husband. And no, I don’t really like big black cock up my ass, but it paid the rent.”

Either way, pretending that this is a first, a last or an only type of situation is naïve and stupid.

12 thoughts on “Professor XXX

  1. Athenae says:

    According to several published reports, Halas had worked in pornography under the name Tiffany Six.
    I think everyone’s missing the real problem here.
    TOTAL CYLON.
    A.

  2. mothra says:

    Even if Halas DID like black cock in her ass, that wouldn’t make her a bad teacher.
    I think there was a teacher in my town who had done a Playboy spread before she was a teacher and there was some tittering about it and passing around of pictures, but to my knowledge, the local school board never thought of firing the woman.

  3. joejoejoe says:

    This school is lucky to have somebody with practical experience as an EMT teaching science.

  4. pansypoo says:

    what happened to privacy?

  5. Gummo says:

    If she is ashamed of her past, she could tell kids, “Look, here’s what happens when you do something you should think twice about. There are consequences and they will follow you. Think about that when you’re on Facebook.”
    If she’s not ashamed, she could say, “Look, does this make me a worse teacher? I’m teaching science and no, I’m not hot for your kid or your husband. And no, I don’t really like big black cock up my ass, but it paid the rent.”

    Um, this is America.
    We don’t have intelligent conversations about sex.

  6. Snarki, child of Loki says:

    #1: have her teach the sex-ed class
    #2: what joejoejoe said: EMT experience is a big plus
    #3: think this is bad? What if she’d had a youtube where she explains that she’s a complete atheist, and disses religion.

  7. Kaleberg says:

    We recently had a local blow up with one of our teachers having sex with his adopted, underage son. Apparently, all the kids knew about it for some time and considered it kind of creepy, but unable to provide real proof. That’s much more serious problem than a teacher having been a porn star. I think the kids can keep it perspective just fine. It’s the adults I’d worry about.

  8. Eric says:

    Sir,
    It is always a pleasure reading your stuff. Funny, informative and as always, thought provoking. BTW thanks for saving my poor virgin eyes from exploding by checking out the porn for me.

  9. gene214 says:

    Jesus Christ! I think parents have this bizarre desire to imagine their kids’ teachers (specifically women teachers, male teachers – all bets are off) as the stereotypical 19th century “school marm” – chaste, virtuous, and most importantly unmarried. It’s total bullshit. Teachers are human beings – they work hard and, like the rest of the human race, they have sex for recreation

  10. Question here? I’s catholic school better than or similar to public school!? I was just wondering cause im going to a catholic school this year and was curious what people thought. And also what type of sloths do people wear there on non dress code days????????? Big Thanks

  11. Doc says:

    I did Catholic school and the Midget has done both. I’m not getting into better or worse, as it’s all based on the school. You can have a great public school or a lousy one and the same thing with the Catholic schools (although with the way the gov’t keeps chopping at funding, I’m seeing that it’s going to be less likely to have good public schools…).
    Some have dress codes, while others don’t. We thought long and hard about if we’d put the Midget in Catholic school (both the Missus and I had some iffy experiences with the church and the school), but after we met with the principal and we saw the kids, we agreed it was a worthwhile endeavor.
    As for non-dress code days, they tend to have “dress down for a cause” days where you can bring a buck for charity and wear whatever you want or “theme” days where kids would wear green or something based on the topic of the day.
    Best of luck.

  12. MapleStreet says:

    Just recently saw a video of a film “That’s What I Am” which includes a minor plot threat where an award winning teacher being run out of town as a result of kids, not knowing what “homo” means, spreading the rumor about the teacher.

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