Bitches Don’t Know How Hard Conservative Guys Work to Get Tail, Okay?

Via the Crack Den, we have this mess, the most outrageously stupid and noxious parts of which have already been covered, but here’sthis bit I’d like to talk about:

Moreover, do you know what a man thinks when he hears a woman make jokes like this?

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE. … He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

“Run!!!!”

Because I actually agree with that. If you’re with a woman and she tells that joke, flee. Hit the road. Get the fuck out. BECAUSE SHE’S NOT FUNNY, and life is too short and stupid to spend with somebody whose entire comedy repertoire was passed on by Leno’s writers as oldsauce.

Bitter, man-hating women aren’t any more attractive to the opposite sex than angry misogynistic men are to women.

You know what? If there actually were as many man-hating women as men claim there are, the species would have died out long ago.

I know women who treat their partners like shit. I know women who talk down to the men in their lives and then sloganeer about girl power and such. Guess what? They’re just assholes and the degree of their assholitude has exactly jack shit to do with their feminism. There is no code of the sisterhood that prevents me from noticing when somebody female is being a total jerk. There is nothing about being a feminist that automatically makes you a contemptuous, disrespectful bag of fuck, and I have zero issue telling somebody, “Look, be nicer. Gloria Steinem never said to be a completely horrible creep to everyone.”

The man you’re talking to probably doesn’t know what color your eyes or fingernails are, whether your belt matches your shoes, or that some other woman in the room is wearing the same outfit as you. Also, although men do think about relationships and the women they’re dating, they don’t spend as much time doing it as women. So, they’re probably not wondering if the slight pause after your ex-boyfriend’s name means you still like him or whether their general disinterest in your story about the lady in accounting who doesn’t like your purse will give you the wrong signals about the relationship.

They’re probably wondering why they’re dating someone who cares about that shit, for serious. Men of the world, why are you dating people who sprang fully formed from the head of a dude pitching scripts to Kate Hudson?

Wait.

I think I just figured this out.

Look, I read at least six pieces like this a week because I try to read the whole Internet each day, and what it all boils down to is that relationship advice goes something like this: Try as much as you can not to be dicks to each other. But in order to make that shit “edgy” there has to be this whole thing in there about how chicks should stop expecting their men to be grown-ups because that’s just too much for you idiots to handle.

And you knew the comments were gonna be win in a win bucket with a side of win, but here’s my favorite, after a thread of complaints about women “putting themselves down:”

JMD you’ve hit on my number one pet peeve about women (and some men, like my ex!
I can’t figure out they’re being self-critical or fishing for compliments but constantly putting themselves down is maddening. I have always made it a point to only say positive or ‘true’ things about myself, especially around my kids. Kids of friends who self-criticize grow up to do the same thing.

He only says positive things about himself around his children? Dinner conversation must be SCINTILLATING.

A.

6 thoughts on “Bitches Don’t Know How Hard Conservative Guys Work to Get Tail, Okay?

  1. Well, on a positive note, we saw the movie “Friends With Kids” today and really enjoyed it.
    Since we’re talking the men/women relationship thing.

  2. pansypoo says:

    are women really like that or is it a Teevee parody of women?

  3. Henry Holland says:

    He only says positive things about himself around his children? Dinner conversation must be SCINTILLATING
    A., I get the point you’re making, but my Dad, my 82 year old pops, has for the entire time I’ve been aware of him, put himself down. If he goes to the wrong channel on the TV, he’ll say something like “You dumbshit Smith, can’t you do anything right?” variations on that ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME. It wearying and depressing.

  4. mquirk says:

    There is nothing about being a feminist that automatically makes you a contemptuous, disrespectful bag of fuck
    I like the phrase “Bag of Fuck.” It matches well with the phrase my friends and I drunkenly came up with one day: “An Incomplete Jug of Fuck.”

  5. MapleStreet says:

    ” I have always made it a point to only say positive or ‘true’ things about myself,”
    Couldn’t agree more that dinner conversations must be scintillating. But by the sentence implying a certain equality of “positive” and “true,” I tend to wonder about narcissism.

  6. Interrobang says:

    My bf and I have a rule about such things — whenever one or other of us makes an unwarranted self-deprecating comment, the other one says “Stop putting down my girl/boyfriend.” Sometimes, self-deprecation can be just positive reinforcement for low self-esteem.

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