What Content-Free Coverage Looks Like

I presently give zero fucks about the OMG WE’RE DOOMED vs. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP going on, as it’s the least productive use of liberal blogs ever. The best possible use of liberal blogs, of course, is to point out how shitty CNN’s political coverage is this morning.

There are no facts in this story. It is basically fashion coverage. Demeanor. How Romney and Obama “seemed.” Not what they said, but how they said it. And you know why most post-debate coverage is like that? Because you don’t have to know shit about shit in order to do it.

“A week ago, people were saying this was over. We’ve got a horse race,” said CNN Senior Political Analyst David Gergen, who called the debate Romney’s best so far after the 22 the former Massachusetts governor took part in during the GOP primary campaign.

OOH A HORSE RACE! What does that even mean? It’s just words. It’s not based on any polling data (so Romney won the debate, so what) and if all you have to do to be David Gergen is to read the mood in a room, write me up a deal memo right the fuck now.

“It looked like Romney wanted to be there and President Obama didn’t want to be there,” noted Democratic strategist and CNN contributor James Carville. “The president didn’t bring his ‘A’ game.”

His A game. That’s not an actual thing. What would that look like? What does that mean? You might as well tell me Romney shouted louder. Wait, no, that would be more factual than this. You can measure decibel levels of shouting.

Maybe next debate we should just let the candidates stand there while somebody operates an applause meter.

(And by the by, fuck Carville with a rusty chainsaw. He’s been dining out on Clinton’s first victory for 25 years and if his job is to be a Democratic strategist, maybe somebody could clue him in that it’s bad strategy to crap all over a Democratic president after a debate performance. Carville’s what’s been wrong with this party since the Clinton years. If Romney got out there on stage and pissed on the podium Republican strategists would be ringing up Gergen and all these other fucks pointing out how strong the stream was and how Obama couldn’t whizz like that if he tried. Meanwhile here comes Lizard Face, telling us all about what his fellow Democrat is doing wrong so that we can keep pretending he’s some kind of genius. Spare me from friends like this, please.)

Obama remains in Colorado for his first post-debate appearance before heading to Wisconsin. Romney joins running mate Rep. Paul Ryan at a rally in Virginia. Meanwhile, Vice President Joe Biden will speak at an Iowa campaign event.

The next presidential debate is October 16 in New York, and the third takes place on October 22 in Florida. Biden and Ryan will debate on October 11 in Kentucky.

FINALLY SOME FACTS. Nine grafs in, but I’ll take it.

But Romney came off as the more energized candidate overall by repeatedly attacking Obama on red-meat issues for Republicans such as health care reform and higher taxes, while the president began with lengthy explanations and only later focused more on what his opponent was saying.

Romney came off that way. Obama talked too long. Covering politics is so HARD MOM.

With polls narrowing less than five weeks before Election Day, Obama and Romney launched a new phase in a bitter race dominated so far by negative advertising as both camps try to frame the election to their advantage.

WAIT, THE POLLS ARE NARROWING? WTF?

Oh:

And in the state polls, it’s been harder to find evidence for a favorable trend for Mr. Romney.

If anything, the opposite seems to be true.

If only the electoral college didn’t exist. Then we’d have ourselves a HORSE RACE!

A.

7 thoughts on “What Content-Free Coverage Looks Like

  1. jac, satyrical says:

    We’re doooooomed.

  2. adrastos says:

    I think being married to a Randite/Cheneyista troll has gotten to Carville. He’s also one of the few people who needs to gain weight. Drink more beer, dickweed.

  3. thebewilderness says:

    Maybe it’s just me, but watching a serial liar hectoring the POTUS for failing to clean up the mess Republicans made of the economy fast enough to suit the Republicans just creeped me out.

  4. pansypoo says:

    OMG he picked off the publican leaning undecideds!!!!! NOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo!

  5. darrelplant says:

    As we say in the software industry, the Matalin marriage isn’t a bug in Carville’s life, it’s a feature. He’s got the Democratic fred because of the Clinton connection, but if he’d picked a different candidate early on, he’d just as happily be on the other side. Between the two of them, they just ensure that one or the other of them is always positioned on the side of party in power and they can play “good cop/bad cop” in any situation.

  6. CK says:

    One of my few regrets of my final months in NOLA was not hitting the gas instead of standing on the brakes when a most recklessly jogging “Professor” Carville leapt in front of my Civic one afternoon on Palmer Street. I would have gotten away with it.

  7. Mentioner says:

    Evisceration, even.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,779 other followers

%d bloggers like this: