Malakas Of The Week: 2012 Election Edition

I usually write a fairly long post about one malaka. I’m going to try something different and do some quick hitting, un-hyperlinked comments about the 5 biggest jerks of the cycle in ascending order.

5. The Rape Caucus: It may be time for the wingers to either come up with a different policy or at least gussy their horrible policies up in a better ball gown. The satin prom dress that they’re using now ain’t working.

For some reason, people do not like idle chit chat about forcing women to carry their rapist’s child to term. Imagine that. Rape is rape is rape unless, that is, you’re The Other Joe Walsh, Richard Mourdock or Todd Akin, the poster boys for malakatude.

4. Sheldon Adelson: Shelly baby spent the year throwing good money after bad. He poured big bucks into Newt’s campaign and dropped a bundle with Turdblossom’s group with very little to show for it. It’s fun to see a casino owner fleeced, they usually do the fleecing…

3. Rafalca As A Romney Stand-In: Ann’s fancy horse didn’t win a medal but was a source of constant amusement for folks like me. I will, actually, miss mocking Willard and his whole clan but comedy’s loss is America’s gain. I’m not ranking the Romneys higher because I never thought we’d elect our first robot President and we didn’t.

2. Karl Rove: Turdblossom made a complete fool out of himself on election night. He was like a particularly demented general fighting old battles. He expected this election to turn into 2000 or 2004, and when it didn’t he started flailing, lying and denying. I’d like to be in the room with him and the suckers he gulled into donating to his stupor-PAC. Couldn’t have happened to a creepier guy. The rat fucker got rat fucked himself.

1. Fox News: If they actually gave a shit about the “conservative bowel movement,” they’d dial it back but all Roger and Rupert really care about is making mounds of malakatudinous money. The bubble they’ve created for their viewers, and the pols they support, exploded and made a gynormous mess.

The reason Mittbot was supposedly shell-shocked by losing is that he and his minions *believed* what they were hearing on Fox. They probably even thought that Dick (Always wrong, never modest) Morris knew what he was talking about. He did not. The GOP will continue to lose Presidential elections until they get out of the echo chamber and join the reality based community.

Finally, yeah, I know, Rush was a big loser, and an even bigger malaka, but I have a policy of almost never writing about him. The Sandra Fluke clusterfuck *was* one of the key moments of the race and we owe it all to malakatude hall of famer, Rushbo. Thanks, fuckhead,

6 thoughts on “Malakas Of The Week: 2012 Election Edition

  1. Jay in Oregon says:

    Alec Baldwin had a great point about the Rape Caucus: if someone asks “Did the rape guy win?” and you have to ask “Which one?” then your party is in a lot of trouble.

  2. Danny P says:

    When Dick Morris apologized the true believers hung their heads in shame at his betrayal to the cause.

  3. MapleStreet says:

    Dare I say that this election round has injured the myth of the CEO?
    deeply ingrained is the myth that the CEO types are some sort of ubermensch with special abilities to read the environment and make decisions in some supernatural and superior way. They and only they really know what is right and will build the country. Not that distant from Plato’s Republic inventing the myth of the upper / ruling class having blood made out of gold while other classes had blood of less valuable materials.
    Romney definitely ran as being a good businessman (although his decisions showed a dramatic lack of understanding of basic business concepts. Not to mention his “malakaness” – see credit cards).
    The Trump-ster backed Romney. His amazing, ground-breaking announcement was to ask for Obama’s Birth Certificate and applications to college (tell me, after you were accepted to either college or grad school and successfully started classes, how long did you keep copies of your applications? I guess Obama could have asked how much trouble it would take for Harvard to blow the dust off of the boxes full of old applications.) Salon had a listing of Trump’s election night tweets which were so petulant as to defy belief.
    You mentioned Rove.
    You mentioned the Casino guy.
    All these highly successful business and politicos apparently couldn’t help but fall for their own BS, sense of importance/entitlement as business folk, and Faux News pseudo-statistics to be totally caught by surprise. The exact opposite of the myth of the businessman.

  4. MapleStreet says:

    A nomination for a groups of malakas – those who can’t deal with the election.
    Rife on the social media are people talking about either seccession from the union, buying ammo and starting a revolution, and/or moving to other countries.
    I find it interesting that these people are the same as those who identify themselves as true patriots. Yet attempts to seccession or revolution are actions of terrorism (especially with the definition of Bush II)/sedition/treason.
    News TV is falling all over itself to jump off the fiscal cliff – taking the actual situation and doing everything it can do to scream terror! McConnell is promising 4 more years of obstructionism – guess he isn’t worried about the damge he can do to the country with his petulance.
    I have to wonder what damage has been done to faith by those who painted both Bush II and Romney in terms usually reserved for beatification. People who managed to submerge the development of faith to stick in a childish phase where they believed the repub anchor machine as definition true faith (even to the point that Romney lost the last debate because God told him to). Now they’re having to try to put their fragmented psyche back together.
    Those who can’t see how racism influences their actions. MSNBC had a story yesterday where it looked at racial references to Obama by state. It featured a lady in Minn whose post talked about the N-word in the White House and also what could be interpreted as wanting an assasination. Interviewed her and she said that she wasn’t racist.

  5. darrelplant says:

    Dont forget, in the annals of CEO wrongness, that Trump was actually running against Romney before he was for Romney.
    And how could you forget everyone’s favorite (briefly) businessman, Herman Cain?

  6. Ricardo says:

    Don’t forget out own homegrown, anchor baby, douche mook, Piyush. He blew a huge wad of political capital when he endorsed Rick Perry 15 minutes after her declared his candidacy during the primaries.

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