How Did You Learn to be a Homo in Your Day?

Apparently they teach Kids Today in school now!

“So, here you are, you’re an animal and you’re a god! So, what are we going to teach you about in school? Well, we can teach you about sex, we can teach you how to rebel to you[sic] parents, we can teach you how to be a homo! But we’re definitely not going to teach you about the word of God! Amen.”

I’m furious. Not on my own behalf, although it might have been nice to get some lessons in before encountering actual gays in the wild. Mostly I’m furious on behalf of my friends who had to do ALL THIS EXTRA WORK teaching me how to be a homo.

I mean they had to teach me EVERYTHING. Paying bills on time, applying for jobs, catching the bus, gathering in liquor-serving establishments with friends, going on dates, playing instruments … it took FOREVER. Some of them took me to movies and bought popcorn to demonstrate how it was done. Hell, a couple of them even had to get married and raise a damn kid together around me. They had a Fourth of July barbecue and all. They bought a house.

What a tremendous amount of effort. Kids today are freaking spoiled. They don’t know how good they have it.

A.

7 thoughts on “How Did You Learn to be a Homo in Your Day?

  1. Aaaargh says:

    Compulsory gym classes and all that naughty showering did it for most of the boys in my high school. Out of a graduating class of about 60 at least four died of AIDS that I know of, since of course having any kind of education about such things was Just Not Done. It’s still not entirely clear to me who knocked up all those girls, though, if most of the boys were gay.
    Priorities were in the right place though: I was given detention for selling condoms (at 14 I looked 18 back when you had to be an adult to buy them). They didn’t accept my plea that I was performing a public service. The black ones were my best seller.
    Oh, so many dots to be connected!

  2. montag says:

    I think I’m going to start a Tennessee gonzo file.
    I firmly believe that Tennessee is formally in a death race to the bottom with Mississippi. Their legislatures got together and signed a challenge to see which state could destroy itself first.
    The winner qualifies for foreign aid from Burkina Faso.

  3. gratuitous says:

    I believe I can make a categorical statement (which I generally eschew, but sometimes a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do): When confronted with an atrocity of mind-boggling proportions (like the slaughter of 20 first graders), your mind immediately goes your personal grievances with society that you ascribe to the Almighty as the reason for the atrocity, you are a severely defective human being.

  4. MapleStreet says:

    In the linked to Raw Story article is a link to the pastor’s bio at the church web page. Appears that this is a church which is baptist in the name but not affiliated. Independent churches often show the value of being under an organizing body as the body limits the individual churches from the worst extremes. Also providing a quality control check on the background of the pastors.
    His bio has him being called to the ministry while serving in the army eventually becoming a pastor in 1996. Yet it has him receiving his DDiv in 2011 from Historic Baptist Bible College. Wording makes it almost seem like this was also when he received a Bach from Liberty Bapt College.
    Unfortunately, there are plenty of small churches out there where the pastor doesn’t even have this level of education. I remember listening to a preacher one time that kept repeating that he was “uneducated but called of God.”

  5. MapleStreet says:

    Seems to me that the pastor is an example of how to be a real heresy it must be close enough to the truth to be somewhat believable (on a tangent, a sentiment that seems to be lost on the ludicrous claims of many conservative attack groups).
    You’re an animal and a god. Far from his rhetoric, a basic mystery of religion. In the Bible (and I assume he uses King James), what is man that thou art mindful of him…for thou hast made him a little lower than the angels. The Hindu are often stereotyped by a short pause/bow as they contemplate the mystery of humanity.
    He is quoted as pointing out our concern over the Newtown shooting but not about abortions. Yet he also doesn’t seem to be concerned about the kids who are shot every day.
    etc.

  6. Zeno says:

    In my day a guy had to go away to college to learn how to be a homo, like my high school classmate who was apparently taught homo-ness once he got to Berkeley. But for precocious students in middle school and high school, there might have been lessons available by mail from correspondence schools.

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