*pokes head in door*

Hi, guys!

Tommy called me on the super-seekrit First Draft sat-phone and told me somebody tried to smuggle a komodo dragon into the crack van “to feng shui it,” and last he checked on Claire she was drinking Jude’s bong water while Doc fed Riot all the Doritos and peanut butter I was saving for my lunch. He also said Adrastos let some hippie camp in the yard. I assume that’s where the goat came from.

I HOPE THAT’S WHERE THE GOAT CAME FROM.

In all sincerity, thanks for your patience while I made a valiant but ultimately unsuccessful attempt to drink South Florida dry. I could pack all my shit and move to Key West tomorrow. It was like Madison with a beach. I saw a half-naked dude riding a rickshaw around and the back of it said, “where the weird go pro.” You are my kind of place, KW.

I see that while I was goneBOTH SIDES DID IT, and John Kerry continued to be awesome, and the president said something dorky, and we’ll have lots of words on the first thing because JESUS TITS AND GOD AMERICA, I was listening to MSNBC on the radio and the coverage made me want to get on a raft and paddle to Cuba. I made a list on the plane home, of things to write about, and things I am not allowed to throw to feel better about writing about them.

This vacation in no small part was to celebrate being done with the second job that took me away from you all, as well, so hopefully when I am around here from now on I will be less likely to snap at you when you ask me reasonable questions like, “Is there a way to get Nutella off the ceiling and if not, can you pretend I never said anything?”

A.