Women don't really want to hook up, even if they say they do. Women are silly, and you can't believe what they say, because they don't know their own minds, and even if they say they want sex, deep down they all really want commitment.
Many women tend to think the guy they’re hooking up with might fall for them. This is something they secretly hope will happen, and they convince themselves that a series of hookups with the same guy will ultimately lead to him wanting something more.
This lingering hope causes women to reluctantly participate in the hook-up culture, in hopes that he will wake up one day and realize it’s been her the whole time.
It reminds me of some Taylor Swift song — and accordingly, it’s a common enough problem that I’ve seen several women crushed when this dream dies.
Accordingly, some women are idiots who either don't honestly discuss with a sex partner what he wants out of the sexing, or don't believe him when he says he doesn't want to fall in love and get married and have a dozen babies. Accordingly, some men are assholes who lie to women about what they intend, or weaklings who can't be honest about what they want.
The hook-up culture is not to blame for human stupidity/weakness/assholery. This story is as old as time. Eve sat down with Adam and was like, "Look, I know we're the only two people on the planet but let's be clear about what we're doing here."
This entire thing presumes women are too dumb to actually know what they want and pursue it. And it also presumes all men are basically predatory pimps who will only be interested so long as you deny them pussy. I have yet to hear an explanation from any of these puritannical scolds about what happens once, having made a man wait just long enough for sex that you're not a slut but also not a frigid bitch, you reluctantly (but also sexily!) surrender the prize.
The entire relationship has been set up as a transaction that's been completed. Where do you go from there?
I don't think women should be pressured into having casual sex. But I also don't think women should be treated like morons who are somehow being victimized by a culture they don't understand if they do have casual sex they want to have. Maybe the young ladies fully understand the hook-ups they're having and like them.
There was a time when being in a relationship seemed easier to accomplish. Perhaps this was during a time when online dating was less prevalent and people had less options getting in the way of commitment.
This was a time when more people gave it their all, and actually openly communicated their feelings with each other.
When was this? Because I'm pretty sure I've read a Jane Austen novel about a dickhead who misrepresents his intentions towards a lady OH WAIT THAT'S ALL OF THEM.
A short list of people I went out with in college prior to there being a real Internet with dating sites and apps, when people openly communicated their feelings with each other: "nice guy" who played the cello, drummer who didn't have much in the way of conversation, irresponsible pot-smoking copy editor, cokehead poet who said he'd quit doing coke for me and then OF COURSE NOT, "nice guy" who cheated on me with another girl from the same damn dorm floor, rich asshole who thought his money gave him the right to tell me what to do, rando almost twice my age who it turned out said gross things to his friends after I refused to sleep with him.
I met all of them in person. If I'd met them online, I might at least have been able to weed out the obviously unsuitable drummer and elderly creepster. (The poet was unavoidable. There were no boys like that in my small town and I was a dumbass at age 18.)
To the men out there: It’s worth sacrificing other options for a special lady, and please bring back the traditional date. You will score major brownie points with women.
As for the women out there: Let’s drop the delusion that a series of hookups will hook a boyfriend, and instead hold off on sex until a commitment has been made.
Yeah, guys! Score some brownie points! That's the only reason to be nice or do things together. And ladies, even if you want to have sex, don't have sex, because sex is a reward for men to achieve, not an enjoyable activity for you.
Via Jude, who likes to raise my blood pressure.