First World Problems

Meanwhile in Oregon, it seems to be Festivus:

After the group’s leader, Ammon Bundy, was arrested last week along with numerous members of the militia, he called on the remaining occupiers to leave the refuge. However, a small group refuses to go home. They have said they will not leave until the FBI guarantees that they will not be arrested. Law enforcement has set up checkpoints outside of the refuge and will not allow media to enter, much to the occupiers’ dismay, according to Oregon Public Broadcasting.

The remaining militiamen have issued a call to arms for their supporters, and an outside patriot group on Friday urged Americans to join the militia at the refuge to “air our grievances.”

As my long-time readers know, there’s nothing I like more than unintentional comedy. It’s hilarious to hear these manly macho men whine about internet service. Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think they had wi-fi at the Alamo. Of course, most of its defenders died in combat whereas these bozos are merely dying of boredom and malakatude. These fake cowboys are more like the real life John Wayne who was a draft dodging chickenhawk than his tough as nails screen persona. Some call them insurrectionists, I call them whiny, titty babies. Pitiful.

It’s way past time for these cretins to pack it in, leave, and face the consequences of their impulsive actions. There should be no deals, no how, no way. Every time they whine, I’m reminded of a certain Warren Zevon song, so I’ll give him the last word:

Wake Me When It’s Over

Although I’m glad that some actual voters will actually be caucusing in Iowa today, I’m sick of the hype. Other than being swing states, Iowa and New Hampshire are wildly unrepresentative of the country as a whole. These are very white states. Furthermore, the Iowa caucus system is confusing and yields contradictory results. It’s not unusual in either party for one candidate to “win” on caucus day and another to reap the lion’s share of delegates later in the year. Enough with the hype.

I long for the days when the Iowa Caucus was no big whoop. That all changed when an unknown former Georgia Governor pulled an upset in Iowa, got the press to notice, and came out of nowhere to win the Presidency in 1976. That’s right, folks, we have Jimmy Carter and his late strategist Hamilton Jordan to blame for the shit show that is today’s Iowa Caucus.

I may watch *some* returns tonight but I’m not sure if I can deal with the pundits making a big deal over a very small, very white state. The Mardi Gras bubble looks more appealing by the minute. I guess that makes me a pretty lame political junkie. Just remember, nobody ever said this: as the Hawkeye State goes, so goes America.

So it goes.

Today on Tommy T’s Obsession with the Freeperati – one-man revolution edition

Well, people – it looks like American Revolution II (the sequel) has kicked off in fine style.

As has one of the squatters. (I won’t dignify that bunch of rejects and wannabes with words like “militants” or “terrorists”)

Oregon protest leader Ammon Bundy, others arrested; 1 killed
CNN ^ | 01/26/2016 | Dana Ford & Holly Yan

Posted on ‎1‎/‎26‎/‎2016‎ ‎9‎:‎31‎:‎55‎ ‎PM by BuckeyeTexan

(CNN)One person was killed as authorities arrested a group of people — including Ammon Bundy — involved with the armed occupation of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, the FBI and Oregon State Police said.

The deceased individual, who has not been identified, was the subject of a federal probable cause arrest, officials said.

1 posted on 1‎/‎26‎/‎2016‎ ‎9‎:‎31‎:‎56‎ ‎PM by BuckeyeTexan

Keyboard Kommandos – this is IT!  This is what you’ve all been waiting for! Will you leave the comfort of your homes and double-wides and take off for Oregon to avenge tarp-man?

To: BuckeyeTexan
Now it’s time for more patriots to organize and confront these murderers and not let them off like we did with Ruby Ridge and Waco. We have to make them murder a lot more of us if they ever want to impose their tyranny. The Oath Keepers group had differences with these guys but made it clear they wouldn’t be silent and allow another Ruby Ridge or Waco incident without acting. If the group wants to remain a credible patriot group it’s leadership has to step up now.
43 posted on 1‎/‎26‎/‎2016‎ ‎10‎:‎06‎:‎28‎ ‎PM by LeeClementineKenny (www.OathKeepers.org)

 

Oath Creepers – ATTACK!!!

We are working on maintaining a calm presence in town and are still acting as a buffer between the Refuge and the FBI. We stand by our order of STAND BY at this time. No Call To Actions have been issued.

Well, dang.

And I do notice that as of this morning, you’re still home, my darling clementine – but when you get that “call to action” you’ll spring into action.

Maybe.

To: BuckeyeTexan

 

We didn’t want it to start this way, but maybe future historians will count this event similar to Harper’s Ferry in the First Civil War. GOD help us all. More are going to die.

16 posted on 1‎/‎26‎/‎2016‎ ‎9‎:‎44‎:‎49‎ ‎PM by backwoods-engineer (AMERICA IS DONE! When can we start over?)

To: All

 

It begins ends…………..

52 posted on 1‎/‎26‎/‎2016‎ ‎10‎:‎15‎:‎29‎ ‎PM by Boonie (“Nuke ’em all…Let Allah sort ’em out…)

Fixed it for ya.
To: Whenifhow

 

I can hardly contain my rage right now.

69 posted on 1‎/‎26‎/‎2016‎ ‎10‎:‎30‎:‎51‎ ‎PM by RushIsMyTeddyBear (I’m fed up.)

CapsLockRage
.
To: kiryandil

 

The Feds wanted to send a message to the peasants … this was it. Now we will see whether we are free men or serfs

71 posted on 1‎/‎26‎/‎2016‎ ‎10‎:‎36‎:‎14‎ ‎PM by clamper1797 (Repeat after me … there is no such thing as a “moderate” muslim)

Seeing as it’s now Monday morning 6AM CST, and you’re still posting on Free Republic, I’d say that makes you a serfer, girl.
To: BuckeyeTexan
1/26/2016 the first shots of CW2 were fired by the FBI on American citizens. There are no more free Wacos.
45 posted on 1‎/‎26‎/‎2016‎ ‎10‎:‎07‎:‎16‎ ‎PM by MasterGunner01 ( Barbara Daly Danko)
2/1/2016 – the last shots of Jack Black were downed by the lonely guy hanging out until last call.
And I’m FROM Waco, sweetheart – ain’t nothing free there.
More bloody revolution after the Bunkum Hill…

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Donald Trump, George W. Bush, and the Zero Fucks Doctrine

The true Bush Doctrine was OH YEAH WHADDYA GONNA DO ABOUT IT HIPPIE?

Like when he got re-elected he figured out that it didn’t matter anymore, public opinion. Oh, approval rating in the 30s? WHADDYA GONNA DO, RECALL HIM? People in Congress running away from him? So fucking what, he doesn’t need them to do things and say things. He’s on short time. They’re gonna be there forever but he’s got 8 years and they’re running out, so what difference does it make they don’t like him? Anti-war protesters camped on his lawn permanently, yelling entirely justified things and holding signs calling for prosecution? SIT AND SPIN, because until somebody comes to the door with a pair of handcuffs and seizes the keys to Air Force One, it don’t matter.

All the endless commentary, all the polls, all the discussion about what if so and so gets mad … none of it matters once you’re in that chair. Impeachment is an empty threat and has been since Ford pardoned Nixon and Clinton gave Congress the finger. The process takes too long anyway; you can do a lot of damage before the Speaker has papers drawn up. That was the only truly genius thing Bush and his people ever figured out, and they’ve passed it down to every successive candidate for that office.

Donald Trump said he could off somebody on live TV and not lose a damn thing that matters to him, and he’s right. (He’d be in prison, but we would elect somebody in prison. We could have our first president whose oval office was in San Quentin. It would be like if Oz and The West Wing had a crazy, crazy baby.) He stood up on stage in his first debate and he pointed at every candidate down the line and recited how much he’d bought them all for, and he was right. He may well crash and burn tomorrow night in Iowa, but his main strength is that he’s not risking anything. He doesn’t need your love and he doesn’t need your permission and he sure as shit doesn’t need your support, and if he wasn’t, you know, SATAN, it would be a strength.

It would. If he was using it for good, it would be a strength. The utter bypassing of every traditional check, the disregard for the rules we’ve made up and pretended are physics? It’s good and bad, that the Sunday shows don’t matter and the polls don’t matter and the Very Serious Opinion Columnists don’t matter. All those traditional structures have, historically, kept the non-majority schools of thought nice and quiet and contained so that everything is at a nice dull hum you barely notice as you go about your day, and everything that’s roiling beneath the surface is finally out there now and boy are the talking heads not ready to deal with it all. People really think like this? Yeah, they do. Lancing a boil is NASTY, but it’s the only way to heal. So if Donald Trump, if George W. Bush, had used the Zero Fucks Doctrine to uplift the marginalized instead of further justify the paranoid, their unwillingness to put up with anybody saying shut up would be a good thing.

As it is, it’s just a stunning demonstration of how far you can get when you don’t care at all about losing.

A.

Weekend Question Thread: Do You Have a Nickname?

I started thinking about nicks because of the morning Twitter meltdown over this, which … It is not cultural genocide to call people what they want to be called. If I tell you I go by X, and you continue to call me Y, you’re being rude. If it’s cultural genocide, it’s only against those whose indigenous culture is asshole.

Mr. A and I call each other a million things (most often “hey, I thought you were going to do that”) but I don’t have a true nickname. Jerkoff kids in school called me Al because I hated it, and when we first started dating Mr. A called me Allie. Once. Just once. My Internet handle is the closest I’ve come to something that crosses relationships.

You?

A.

Saturday Odds & Sods: Keep On Truckin’

DSC_2258

Image by R. Crumb.

It was a long week here in New Orleans. There was a six-alarm fire on Canal Street in a building owned by a slumlord/tourist trap tycoon who I call the Sam Walton of crap. It resulted in much fretting before the fire was extinguished because it’s located near three recently renovated architectural treasures: the Roosevelt Hotel, and the Orpheum and Saenger Theatres. Mercifully, they emerged unscathed from the smoke and flames, and no one was hurt in the blaze.

Carnival rolls on. One good thing about the early parade season is that there will be fewer college kids in town to get drunk, puke in the nearest gutter, and flash their naughty bits. It’s always a relief because locals don’t play that except for the drinking thing. It’s an all-ages event despite all the dicks in Krewe du Vieux.

R. Crumb week at First Draft continues. I posted his most famous image as this week’s featured picture. The keep on truckin’ dudes were Sixties icons even though their creator was neither a hippie nor cared for them. Bummer, man.

It’s always fun when there are two wildly different songs with the same title. That’s why we have two theme songs this week. They come from the same era, but from different genres. We begin with Temptations vocalist Eddie Kendricks with his biggest solo hit-you guessed it-Keep On Truckin’:

Now that I’ve posted something for the soul music fans, here’s one for the hippies and old-time music folks out there:

I suppose I *should* discuss the Summer of Love, but it’s not on this week’s agenda. You’ll have to make do with another song with Truckin’ in the title:

Guess I threw you a curve ball with the Dwight Yoakam version. Sounds more like a knuckleball to me. Just ask the Niekro brothers:

Brother- Niekro

We’ll keep on truckin’ after the break.

Continue reading

Clicked Off: No jail time for Mizzou “Muscle” Prof

In some cases, we tend to look at the outcome to determine the intensity of a crime. For example, I remember talking with a cop at one point about an alcohol-fueled mob fight outside of a Madison dance club/bar. The whole fight, which involved a Springer-like melee among drunks ended up with a ton of blood, bruises and broken bones. The culprit turned out to be one asshole who called another asshole a “freshman.” When the accused “freshman” took a swing at the guy and missed, he nailed some other guy’s girlfriend and basically everything unraveled from there.

The “freshman” ended up getting nailed with about a dozen different charges for his actions because so many people ended up getting hurt.

In other cases, it’s the action itself that needs to be analyzed. For example, you can’t walk into a bank, brandish a gun and scream, “Give me all your fucking money!” before you note, “Just kidding!” You can’t get away with that. You also can’t claim that shitty aim should excuse you from an attempted murder charge. “Your Honor! I only hit him in the arm! Yeah I said I wanted to fucking kill him, but I just hit his arm!”

Which leads us to the wonderful world of Melissa Click, the University of Missouri professor who called for some “muscle” to remove journalists who were just doing their job by covering a campus protest. Click assaulted a photographer and called for some people to “muscle” the kid out of the “safe space” the protesters had created on the Quad. She also mocked the kid who was asserting his First Amendment rights, forgetting that a) the rights he was asserting were the same rights that allowed her to be out there protesting, b) he was FILMING THIS and c) she’s a PROFESSOR OF COMMUNICATION with a POSITION ON THE STUDENT MEDIA BOARD.

After a couple months of hoping this would all go away, Click was charged in Columbia this week with a third-degree assault charge. The prosecutor, in what can only be described as a “Jesus, will this please go away” move, pleaded it out for chump change: 20 hours of community service and a promise to not be mean for a whole year. His rationale:

 

“Based on the facts of this case, I believe this disposition to be appropriate,” City Prosecutor Stephen Richey said in the statement. “This disposition is in keeping with my office’s handling of dozens of similar Municipal cases and adequately serves the interest of justice by ensuring the defendant will not engage in similar conduct.”

 

Right. I’m entirely sure that Richey has handled literally DOZENS of situations that mixed the fervor of a massive throng of humanity, the violation of inalienable Constitutional rights and a professor enacting a palpable threat against a student. Totally sure he’s done this before and that this is just like every other third-degree assault case he’s faced.

But let’s get back to the crux of the issue: If we want to judge the case based on outcome, it’s only by sheer luck that Click didn’t set off a riot. People were on edge, journalists were intruding in “their space” and when you have an alleged adult calling for “muscle,” all sorts of shit can go wrong. Again, there is always the possibility of concealed weapons as well, so there’s a risk that things could have jumped up a notch in a hurry.

Why is it that she gets away with a slap on the wrist for being lucky enough that some meathead didn’t grab this kid and beat the shit out of him?

If we want to judge the case based on the action itself, its clear that she should be in a lot more trouble than she currently is.

If these are truly inalienable rights, you’re looking at a violation at the core of who we are as a people. She called for a brutalization of someone attempting to participate in a process as old as this country: freedom of the press.

If we give people like Ethan Couch a break because “they didn’t know any better,” we have to hold people like Click to a much higher standard because she SHOULD know better. She’s got at least three degrees, she works in a field associated with the First Amendment and she had a position as a person of authority in the oversight of student media. If we can hold people who know martial arts to a higher standard when they get into a street fight, we can hold a professor of media to a higher standard when they break the Bill of Rights.

I don’t think the anger of the Twitterverse should be raining down upon her in the way it is, nor do I condone the threats of violence or rape she has been experiencing. However, I can’t think for a moment that it makes sense to give her this kind of a pass, where she can spend a weekend planting trees or picking up trash on the side of I-70 and then get back to life as she knows it.

I don’t buy into the “she has suffered enough” argument, when there are people who have done far less (smoked a joint) who are suffering far more (a nickel stretch in the joint).

At the end of the day, we all have choices we make. When you make the wrong one, you need to be held to account for who you are and what you have done. Although I doubt she’ll ever call for “muscle” again, that doesn’t make it OK that she gets a freebie here either.

Friday Ferretblogging: Dig Box Edition

Claire loves to dig. We discovered this when she first went to a ferret-sitter who had a dig box, and the poor woman could barely pry Claire out of it every night. When Claire came home we filled a box full of long grain rice and she dug happily for months, but the rice started to look dusty and the novelty wore off. Off to the bulk store for a giant bag of beans, which restored her joy in the process:

A.

Friday Guest Catblogging: Day After Dennie

Our merry krewe of Spanksters were tasked with sweeping the den floor the day after the parade. Dennie supervised:

Day after Dennie

Photograph by Dr. A. Coat by David Martin.

Paul Kantner, R.I.P.

12592433_963525990388200_429408369954160107_n

Photograph by Roger Ressmeyer.

The musical heroes of my youth are dropping like flies. In this instance, it’s one of my San Francisco homeys, Jefferson Airplane/Starship co-founder Paul Kantner who has died at the age of 74.

I met Kantner several times back in the day, and would describe him as cordial but gruff:

A sometimes prickly, often sarcastic musician who kept his own counsel and routinely enraged his old bandmates — they sued him for trademark infringement (and settled) after he started his own version of Jefferson Starship in 1991 — Mr. Kantner became something of a landmark on the San Francisco music scene, the only member of the band still living in town.

“Somebody once said, if you want to go crazy go to San Francisco,” he said. “Nobody will notice.”

I only last long in cities where that’s true; as it is for both my home towns, San Francisco and New Orleans.

Along with Roger McGuinn and Pink Floyd, Kantner was one of the creators of sci-fi rock, but he’ll also be remembered for such counter-culture anthems as Won’t You Try/Saturday Afternoon,  Wooden Ships, Volunteers, and We Can Be Together.

The best way to remember someone like Paul Kantner is to share his music. so let’s tear down the wall motherfucker, and post some tunes that he wrote, co-wrote and/or sang lead vocals on:

Finally, a track from a short-lived band Kantner formed in the 1980’s with his old Airplane band mates Marty Balin and Jack Cssady:

Long live rock, be it dead or alive.

Huck’s Latest Upchuck

You may have already experienced Mike Huckabee’s deeply silly Adele/Iowa Caucus tribute but it’s my duty as a blogger to make sure you see it:

Here’s how it’s described by Mother Jones:

On Wednesday morning, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee’s presidential campaign tweeted its latest campaign video—and it’s a cover of pop superstar Adele’s hit song “Hello.”

Instead of talking about strained relationships, Huckabee’s “Hello” focuses on Iowa’s highlights and idiosyncrasies. “Amish chairs, Casey’s jerky, Quad Cities has quite a port,” sings the unnamed, unseen vocalist.

The ad includes dramatizations of text message exchanges with Hillary Clinton and Sen. Ted Cruz—with the latter sending Huckabee a text claiming he is Canadian. There’s really a lot to unpack here. It’s probably best to watch it for yourself.

I guess Huck is out to prove that, despite his wingnuttiness, he’s a regular fella or some such shit.

I’m uncertain as to whether Hello, Huck should be classified as a travelogue or campaign video. I do know that it gave me an earworm:

 

The Professional Troll Versus The Cowardly Lion

From Album 6

OK, one less freak for tonight’s train wreck, assuming neither side backs down or blinks…aw…and here’s hoping the hissy fit continues. If your enemy is sinking, throw them an anvil.

Meanwhile, the GOP base continues to demonstrate that a generation’s worth of boorish rhetoric/propaganda produces…a generation that believes in boorish rhetoric and propaganda. A base that actually believes a peanut gallery clown like the Trump Troll possesses “testicular fortitude.” To cite a technical term, that’s, um, fucked up, dude.

More seriously, while difficult to imagine, think about what sort of reaction we’d see, especially from the corporate media if the situation were reversed. What if a Democratic Candidate who’s only experience was some form of celebrity managed to bully their way to at least a plurality of support heading into a national presidential election? Crazy/completely nuts would be the most charitable description…

Pulp Fiction Thursday: Nightfall

David Goodis was an underrated purveyor of hard boiled crime fiction in the 1940’s and 1950’s. His best-known novel, Dark Passage,was turned into a movie starring Bogie, Bacall, and Agnes Moorehead. Agnes walks away with the movie: it’s grand fucking larceny.

In many ways, Nightfall is a better book and movie adaptation than Dark Passage. Let’s begin with the original paperback and hard cover editions side-by-side:

Nightfall_Covers

If you’ve never seen the 1957 movie, seek it out immediately. It was directed by Jacques Tourneur of Cat People and Out of the Past fame. The cast is excellent and the movie is chock-full-o-thrills:

Nightfall-poster

Here’s the trailer:

Blake Griffin Gets Testy With Trainer Named Testi

I’m neither a sports reporter nor a L.A. Clippers fan: I’ll leave that to Billy Crystal. Clippers star and mega-asshole Blake Griffin had a barroom altercation with the team’s Equipment manager, Matias Testi. Nice name, dude. His surname, in fact, is the whole reason for this post.

I realize that Testi is not the trainer but that scans so much better. I guess that makes me a tabloid blogger for the day. I can live with that: I am the Pulp Fiction guy, after all. Plus, I was a fan of the badass Madden/Stabler Oakland Raiders as a kid. This sort of thing happened all the time then. Beats the hell out of a sports money story any day.

That is all.

Tweets Of The Week: Mopping Up Edition

Yeah, that’s right, tweets. Plural. An alternate title for the post could be Chris Christie meets Krewe du Vieux. We begin with the funniest response tweeted about Governor Asshole’s mop gaffe:

Even Governor Kramden realized he’d gone too far and issued a pro forma apology. He did, however, prove that he’s a bigger dickhead than David Vitter, which is saying a great deal.

Speaking of dickheads, it’s time to mop up Krewe du Vieux season. My old pal and ex-work wife Liprap is a member of the sub-krewe Seeds of Decline. She tweeted out some awesome pre-parade pictures of KdV floats many of which are satirically phallocentric. We begin with two rather tumescent floats, one of which deals with the monuments controversy but transforms the Robert E. Lee statue into Mayor Landrieu’s, uh, column:

One of my favorite KdV peeps is the Captain of Comatose, Lee Mullikin. His krewe’s theme was Mitch & Marlin Make A Porno. The M and M in question are our Mayor and Sheriff. They loathe, despise, and detest one another. They’ve been at war for years over OPP (Orleans Parish Prison.) Since it was KdV’s XXX Anniversary, some of the sub-krewes went even bawdier than usual. Comatose was one of them:

They also projected an R-rated reel of cheesy porn clips. It was the cleaned up version: they threatened do go XXX but opted not to. In my opinion, they won Krewe du Vieux this year. Hail, Comatose.

Our float was more sedate, but we try to be subtler than the other krewes. One of our unofficial mottos is: Spank Doesn’t Do Dick. Someone once suggested: Dickless and Damn Proud Of It. But that didn’t go down very well with our male members. I was proud of our hyper-local take on Carnival culture and Liprap took a swell picture of the float before King Humbert and Queen Lolita,uh, mounted it:

Now that I’ve mopped up, it’s probably time to squeeze it, get the glitter off, and wait until next year.

Hail, Krewe du Vieux. Hail, Spank. Hail, Krewe of Chad.

That is all.

 

 

Album Cover Art Wednesday: R. Crumb

Noted cartoonist Robert Crumb has done a passel of album covers over the years. I’ve already posted his most famous cover, Cheap Thrills, in this space, here are a few more:

crumb_rcrum_rcrumbthe_103b

il_570xN.810054977_in0w

R-Crumb-The-Complete-Record-Cover2015-01-05_160041_musicneverstoppedgiclee2

kyaf

Dear All of Journalism: This is Steve. Be Like Steve.

STEEEEEVE: 

If you do your reporting deeply enough, you can write/speak with authority – that’s objectivity, because the facts are incontrovertible. Some people mistake that, though, for subjectivity.

When a local magazine editor told me once “In magazine writing, you can have an opinion, that’s what I teach my students,” as if I’d never heard that before, I blanched. No, it’s not about having an opinion! It’s about reporting deeply enough to state the truth!

In newspaper writing, the problem is of a slightly different sort – without the time or resources to report deeply enough, reporters (and their editors) fall back on the formulas of objectivity that aren’t objective at all, but instead just catalog the unvetted claims and outright lies of everyone quoted in a story. That’s probably worse than simply writing an opinion because it’s disguised as truth when it’s the least truthy version of journalism of all.

The lack of time and resources is not an excuse, either; it can be done nonetheless. It just takes skill, hard work and a certain mindset. (It’s even easier in the digital world than in print, with the ease of search, the availability of video and the tool of linking.)

*

That magazine editor, by the way, didn’t so much as want me to have an opinion, but to have his opinion, which, typical for him, wasn’t a very good one. I stopped working for him, and I don’t mean my old boss at Chicago magazine.

*

I use to call my version of magazine writing a “reported conclusion,” which my old boss liked very much. The only problem was getting an assignment with a pre-determined conclusion, which invalidates the whole premise of the job, and which is hugely common in the newspaper world as well. It’s never served my career to come to an independent, reporting-based conclusion instead of the one an editor has dreamed up ahead of time. They tend not to like when you bring them real-world results different than what they dreamed up in their head. In other words, it’s hazardous to do your job the way it’s supposed to be done in this business.

Now, having a notion, an angle, a thesis going into a story is fine. Sometimes that’s how you start. Sometimes you have a basis for such a thing. But that doesn’t mean that’s how you have to end.

I can’t tell you the number of stories that died on the table for me. Like I started working on it and it just fell apart, and I’m banging on it yelling LIVE GOD DAMN IT LIVE FOR ME, and nope, the particulars just didn’t work. You or more often your editor has to pull you back and be like, “Buddy, you did all you could. Don’t prolong it.”

Get rid of the editors, tell the reporters every single second has to be productive and they can’t go down any interesting rabbit holes, value the conventional wisdom over the unusual or contradictory, and you wind up right where we are.

A.

Are You Proud Now, America?

Nothing.

There was nothing there.

Not only was there nothing there, but there was something less than nothing there, because people actually got themselves INDICTED for making out like there was something there.

Not only was there something less than nothing there, but anybody with two brain cells to rub together looked at the sterling credentials of the people making out like there was something there and said, there’s nothing there.

They were, of course, the exact kind of carnival barkers they seemed to be, and this news only surprises the people who make a living being surprised when the curtain gets pulled back and, instead of an alien life form, the freak show’s just one sad goat with a weird mark on its neck.

I don’t really blame the barkers. They’re doing their jobs, and people will do the same job after them just as people have done the same job before them.

No, I blame everybody else, who should KNOW BETTER BY NOW.

Are you proud of yourselves, CNN? Most Trusted Name in News? Are you proud that you ran your first story on this mess like this? 

An anti-abortion group has released an online video that it says documents how Planned Parenthood is selling fetal organs for a profit, a felony, while violating medical ethics by altering normal abortion procedures so as to preserve the organs.

Are you proud that the very next day you ran a commentary calling the video “a horror movie?”

But, frankly, the detail is up for lawyers to debate. What matters about this video is what it appears to reveal about the reality behind America’s sanitized image of abortion; the reality of what an abortion is and how it morally compromises us all.

Are you proud that during YOUR SPONSORED DEBATE, you let a presidential candidate describe those videos, and that your after the fact “fact check” called it “true, but misleading?”

The clip does show what appears to be a fully formed fetus on an operating table with its legs twitching. But the clip Fiorina references is not part of the CMP sting video but was instead taken by another anti-abortion group and was added to the sting video. The Center for Medical Progress, however, doesn’t explain where the fetus video was shot, so it’s not clear whether it was taken at a Planned Parenthood clinic. For its part, the women’s health organization has flatly denied the accusations.

VERDICT: True, but misleading

Are you proud that when someone did what everybody thought someone would do when presented with the kind of foaming nonsense you put on TV hour after hour after hour, your coverage conveniently forgot that he not only admitted to a motive when captured, he was fucking thrilled about it?

Are you even going to have a meeting? Are you going to sit down with anyone involved in any of that coverage and say, how did we manage to get snowed by these assholes again? After ACORN, after the NPR video, after everything? Are you going to say while it is their job to play us, we should at least try not to be played OR ACT SORRY WHEN IT HAPPENS? Do cable networks even run corrections? Would you, if you could?

Or is it going to be bygones, nobody could have known, truth on both sides, problem was how it looked not what it was, and on and on until the next thing, when they take us by surprise again?

Are you proud, all you people who followed in cable news’s wake? All you two-bit pundits and columnists who gleefully tweeted along with #DefundPP because OMG BABY PARTS, everybody who said okay, look, cancer screening can’t happen unless everybody denounces every woman who’s ever had an abortion, one by one?

Are you proud, Congress? I don’t mean you tea freaks, I mean you people who are lauded as Serious Republican Thinkers and Conservative Democratic Stalwarts and shit. Are you proud you got taken in by something this transparent? Are you happy you spent months, months, of company time screeching in hearings at poor women and their representatives, saying they were whores and sinners, thanking God someone finally exposed their perfidy?

Are you proud, everybody who stayed quiet? Who hedged your bets, kept your powder dry, and waited to see who turned out to be right when you knew goddamn well who was right and who was going to hell? Are you proud now that the world’s most predictable result is here, and everybody who is saying I TOLD YOU SO is being derided as mean, when you should be forced to wear signs that say I WAS COWARDLY?

Are you proud this is how it happens now? Yeah, the guys who are going to jail should be ashamed of themselves, but everybody who joined their idiot chorus and everybody who stayed quiet because OMG CONTROVERSIAL and everybody who would rather some people get killed than some women get health care and everybody whose job it is to make sense of all the competing forces at work in modern politics should be even more ashamed.

The carnival barker’s gonna bark. That’s his job. He sells the freak show tickets. It’s right there on the sign. You shouldn’t be proud that you read it and walked right into the tent.

A.

Clash Of The Entitled

Spank Float

Photograph by David Martin.

It was a long, festive Krewe du Vieux weekend. I’m in pain, and suffering withdrawal symptoms as well. It was KdV’s 30th anniversary and my sub-krewe of Spank celebrated it by satirizing New Orleans parade culture.

Spank does hyper-local satire and Clash of the Entitled was as local as all get-go. We mocked 2 categories of entitled folks. First, the Old Line Krewes as seen above. Dr. A and I cast our fake royals and we did a helluva job I might add. They’ve since been deposed and King Humbert is in an undisclosed location. Queen Lolita reigns supreme in exile.

The second subset of entitled jerks mocked were the people who misbehave on the parade route by camping out, marking off territory, and being generally assholish. We call them the Krewe of Chad and the Spank marchers chadded out in loud Carnival attire:

Krewe of Chad

Dr. A and the Michelin Man. It was cold, y’all.

 

Hand to God, I have never worn jammies in public before. People asked if I was playing a bro. Nope, I was a douchebag, pure and simple. Notice the paddle: we take our Spanking seriously.

I told you this was hyper-local. If any of my readers who don’t live in the Carnival belt have any questions, leave a comment, I’ll try and answer them. I will surely regain coherence at some point in the near future…

Finally, we in Spank believe in providing parade-goers with some light reading material. This year we came up with the Arthur Hard-On Guide. Arthur Hardy is a somewhat stuffy local Mardi Gras maven who publishes a guide every year. It’s positively limp compared to this:

Guide CoverThatGuide back cover

That’s it for now. I’m still knackered from the 3.1 mile march. That’s right, we walk, we don’t ride except, that is, for our fake royals. So it goes.

Today on Tommy T’s Obsession with the Freeperati – Chump endorses Trump edition

Oh dear.

Here I was, all ready to shut down the ISO chamber for a week or so to give it a good scrubbing down and gamma-ray sterilization.

And then:

Sarah Palin Endorses Donald Trump, Rallying Conservatives
New York Times ^ | 01/19/2016 | By MAGGIE HABERMAN

Posted on ‎1‎/‎19‎/‎2016‎ ‎3‎:‎18‎:‎14‎ ‎PM by SeekAndFind

Sarah Palin, the former Alaska governor and 2008 vice-presidential nominee who became a Tea Party sensation and a favorite of grass-roots conservatives, will endorse Donald J. Trump in Iowa on Tuesday, officials with his campaign confirmed. The endorsement provides Mr. Trump with a potentially significant boost just 13 days before the state’s caucuses.

1 posted on 1‎/‎19‎/‎2016‎ ‎3‎:‎18‎:‎14‎ ‎PM by SeekAndFind

If you’ve noticed, at Free Republic the shine has worn off Our Sarah’s star just a little bit in the past few years.  With Grifterella’s trailer trash antics, her relentless money-grubbing, constant pleas for attention, and in general justifying everything everyone but Freepers always saw in her – the bloom is off the rose.

Or so it seems to me.

Freepers? First reply, please?

To: SeekAndFind

 

Yay.

2 posted on 1‎/‎19‎/‎2016‎ ‎3‎:‎19‎:‎09‎ ‎PM by samtheman (Elect Trump, Build Wall. End Censorship.)

KraftwerkLaughing
.
To: SeekAndFind

 

Sarah Palin = Crony Capitalist Enabler. Who would have thunk it. What a phony!

7 posted on 1‎/‎19‎/‎2016‎ ‎3‎:‎21‎:‎39‎ ‎PM by GodGunsGuts

 

To: SeekAndFind

 

That’ll leave marks – on Sarah Palin.

16 posted on ‎1‎/‎19‎/‎2016‎ ‎3‎:‎23‎:‎50‎ ‎PM by don-o

To: SeekAndFind

Sarah! Sarah! …pls remove the knife.

.

20 posted on 1‎/‎19‎/‎2016‎ ‎3‎:‎24‎:‎51‎ ‎PM by TexasCajun (#BlackViolenceMatters)
Heh.
To: SeekAndFind

 

Well, she was dead to me when she didn’t run in 2012 and she’s still dead to me now.

25 posted on ‎1‎/‎19‎/‎2016‎ ‎3‎:‎25‎:‎39‎ ‎PM by erod (Chicago Conservative | Cruz or Lose!)

To: SeekAndFind

Sarah Palin Endorses Donald Trump, Rallying ConservativesLOL. NY Times says we conservatives are being rallied.

I could think of a better word than that.

37 posted on 1‎/‎19‎/‎2016‎ ‎3‎:‎26‎:‎54‎ ‎PM by FreeReign
“Fucked” comes to mind.
Come on, Freepers – tell us how you REALLY feel!
Comment #15 Removed by Moderator
Comment #31 Removed by Moderator
Comment #50 Removed by Moderator
More, including a counter-attack by the Trump-humpers after this word from our sponsors.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , ,
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 5,144 other followers