Big John, Medium Jon

Joshowitz requested blogging of John Kerry on The Daily Show. So here you go, Josh, and don’t say I never did anything for you:

Tuning in: [fangirl] omigodjohnstewartsosexy!!11! [/fangirl]

Stewart: Some people are surprised that Kerry is here and not on Meet the Press. I’ve met the press, and he’s not missing anything. Heh.

Showtime! Okay, here we go. Big John, suit and tie (didn’t somebody have a polo shirt he could borrow? Oh, who cares). He looks adorably, dorkishly pleased to be there, like the smart chess club kid who’s been dying to be invited to the cool kids’ table and now finally has been. What’s funny is that Stewart has exactly the same expression on his face. Porny 60s music plays.

Audience: *goes freaking NUTS, as if Elvis has arrived*

Stewart: “I watch a lot of the cable news shows so I understand you were never in Vietnam.”

Kerry: *cracks up*

Kerry: “Most Americans would rather have an intelligent conversation about where the country’s going.”

Audience: *throws panties on stage* (not really, but just about from the sound of it)

Kerry: *rails on Bush, lost jobs, fucked up Iraq, etc.*

Stewart: “I’m sorry, were you or were you not in Cambodia on Christmas Eve? They say you were three miles inside, you say five, which is it?”

Kerry: *cracks up again, makes a chipmunk face at Stewart*

Kerry: “Maybe we could do the inauguration here?”

Audience: *NUTS*

Stewart: *Goes through long list of charges from GOP, swift boat nutballs, flip-flopping* “I’ll watch TV and it’ll say that John Kerry wants our troops to go to war wearing only gabardine.”

Kerry: “Sending our troops to war in gabardine beats going to war the way this president sent them to war.”

Kerry hitting on a great talking point I want to see everywhere and right now: “It doesn’t help you to be stubborn in the wrong decision. I think the president is stubborn … he was stubbornly sticks to his policy in Iraq.”

Stewart: “I’ve seen him be very shrewd in debates in saying that look, this is a choice between a man who loves Fidel Castro and a man who loves America. How do you think you’ll ever be able to have an honest discussion?” BUURRRRRRNNN.

Kerry: *says something crushingly, fist-eatingly boring about plans and trust and such*

Audience: *shrieks with delight*

Stewart: “If someone wants to come to your rally what loyalty oath do they have to sign?”

Kerry: “We’re open to the public. We want to talk to the American people.”

Kerry: “You’d be amazed at the people who will introduce themselves to you in the men’s room.”

Stewart: “Is it true that every time I use ketchup, your wife gets a nickel?”

Kerry: *cracks up again*

And … to screams of delight from the audience, we’re now on to commercials. Look. I think he did well. I don’t think he changed minds because there aren’t many out there to be changed. But I do think he was himself, which is really, really smart. He could have fallen all over himself trying to look hip and genial, and he didn’t. He’s deeply comfortable in his own skin, and I’m starting to think that maybe the fact that not everybody is comfortable with him is a failure to appreciate on our part, rather than a failure to communicate on his.

Stewart: “I hope no matter what your political persuasion, there was something in tonight’s show that disappointed you.” Heh.


ps. Inder Panmar? So my new boyfriend.