If Tena and I blogged a real debate: Vol. 2

The beginning: I’m plain, Tena’s bold. As we are in life, no doubt. Whoo! New beer!

Cheney’s head is crooked. Has it always been this way? Am I the only one who didn’t notice?

eez – I can’t imagine sitting that close to Cheney. Brrrr.

Ooh, sweet – Cheney gets to do the gracious host thing.

!!!!EDWARDS BABY!!! He really did – he just accused Cheney of lying to his face – Oh baby baby baby baby baby – and this is the first time I’ve ever watched John – he’s good. He’s doing the whole trial lawyer thing.

The first time I screamed “Whore!” at the television: When Gwen Ifill asks if thinking Iraq was the “wrong war wrong time wrong place” meant they wanted Saddam Hussein still in power. WHORE. As if those are the only two choices.

Edwards keeps slamming on Hussein/Osama subject. Yeah. Keep it up.

Cheney slams Kerry for voting to cut defense. Say these are the same programs he would have cut, John, say it!

Edwards: A long resume does not equal good judgement. YEAH! Brings up the fact that Cheney recommended the programs be cut! YEAH! Brings up the fact that the 87 billion included 20 billion for Halliburton! YEAH! Do me, John. Do me now.

Cheney: Floundering now, looking pissed and snarly.

Cheney has nothing knew – what he brings is the same old shit, just repackaged. Nothing. He can throw shit around better than the Chimpster.

Edwards: 911 commission opposed creation — good, hit ’em on that one again. Flip floppers.

“He is without question a bad guy.” Well, okay, I guess our mission right now is destroy all bad guys. Like Superman, in country form.

Cheney: Doesn’t like unilateral sanctions and action. God. He’s taling up the Iran war now. Take note, those of you of draft age.

Edwards: There are 60 countries with members of Al Qaeda in them, how many of those are we going to invade. Great answer! Yeah! Where does it stop, Mr. VP? Huh? Is there anyplace we won’t go?

Keep saying Halliburton, John, it’s getting to him. Edwards in corporation lawyer mode. They did business with Libya and Iran. GREAT. Keep it up, Johnny, talk to me.

Cheney: Effort they made to confuse the voters, says the man who construed an Al Qaeda/Saddam connection. Yeah. Okay. I’m not nearly drunk enough.

This is much more of a DEBATE. The last one was an asskicking.

But – Cheney is growling – literally.

Ifill: Stuttering. Fucking control your own debate. She just equated Cheney’s wealth with Edwards’. Whore.

Cheney: The most thing we can do to ending poverty is creating jobs. WEll, thanks for clearing that up, Dick.

Edwards: First presidency 70 years (72, just twist the knife) to lose jobs. We have to do better.

I have to admit, Cheney’s giving the debate the president should have given.

God Cheney is a good liar – he is so able to make his lies sound plausible and reasonable.

Edwards: Experience on the campaign trail. Good. We have this mess. MR. VP, I don’t think the country can take four more years of that kind of experience.

OH, silence from Darth. Edwards landed that punch. Nice.

I like Edwards’ persona. Maybe if you’re freaked out and you want Robocop, you want Cheney. But I want Edwards, who’s going to tell me where to find food and water and firewood and tell me it’s gonna be okay.

Drive deficit down 50 percent, says Cheney. With what? A toilet plunger?

Edwards does look more engaged in this, more intersted in convincing people.

Edwards really is pounding at the connection…go John. It’s frivolous, but I have to say it: he pretty.

Cheney: thank Senator kind words said about my family. And that’s his only rebuttal. Score one for Edwards.

Ifill: Trial Lawyer, WHORE.

Cheney: Rising malpractice horseshit. This question is like God’s gift to Edwards. OB GYN example. Yeah, definitely bring that up, because we want you to practice your love, Dick.

I need another beer. Excuse me.

Edwards seems to be killing him now, Cheney looks beaten down and tired, plus he’s been offscreen for a while. Edwards is doing all the yakking. Go, Johnny!

Half of one percent — malpractice costs! YEAH! Bring that good sense, John. Bring it!

Cheney vs. Edwards on loopholes. Edwards: I paid all the taxes I oweed. Halliburton again! Drink!

Ifill: AIDS, black women and AIDS. What should government’s role be in helping to end epidemic.

Cheney: Pretends to be against death. Yeah. Whatever.

Ifill: governmental experience.

Edwards: The american people want in their president and vice president …. repeats some stuff, good stuff, but it’s a repeat, and … Fuck, Tena, is it me or should he now have said he has more experience than Bush.

IF there’s one thing we learned from this adminstration it’s that a long resume does not equal good judgement. DAMN. Mr. Athenae pumps his arms and holds a ferret up to the TV screen. The ferret goes berserk.

Edwards: gives John Kerry love. Oh, the John/John love. I am going to the special hell.

Cheney: Tries to give Bush love. Looks sour. Looks like he’s wishing it was him. Still Not King. Whatever, Cheney.

What we see up there tonight is the faces of the Republican and Democratic parties – really well personified. It’s kind of amazing, really.

Cheney: I don’t talk about myself much. It’s because you’re an android. That’s okay. He’s being very smart. Eeeevil, but smart.

Edwards: Just broke the rules, but he smiled, and the sun came out, and kittens began frolicking and what rule did he break again?

Cheney’s world: Bush doesn’t exist. Edwards’ World: Kerry is King, yeah.

C’mon John, bring the Uniter, not divider. OH, YEAH! “Have you ever seen America more divided? The reality is that this is not an accident.” Oh, Man, I am so .. yeah.

Health care again. This debate is so scattershot. Everybody keeps going back five questions ago.

Edwards: Canada again. They were with the drug companies.

He’s got mad skillz, yo.

Edwards: hope, and truth, and love, I have grown up in the bright light of America. Oooooh, I get it now, Edwards supporters. I get his shining kindness and his love. Yeah.

Cheney: neglects to thank Edwards. SCOWL. SCOWL. Would it kill him to smile, even once?

Mr. Athenae: I wouldn’t mind him as a news anchor. Steady, humorless, cold. I agree. Except for the eeevil.

Shorter Cheney: If you’re not wetting your pants with fear, you’re not truly alive.