Havin’ My Baby For Jesus

Something puzzles me. Maybe you all can help me understand just what Mr. Athenae and I should do in this situation:

“When you talk about protecting marriage, you need to talk about divorce,” said Bryce Christensen, a Southern Utah University professor who writes frequently about family issues.

While Christensen doesn’t oppose the campaign to enact state and federal bans on gay marriage, he worries it’s distracting from immediate threats to marriage’s place in society.

“If those initiatives are part of a broader effort to reaffirm lifetime fidelity in marriage, they’re worthwhile,” he said. “If they’re isolated – if we don’t address cohabitation and casual divorce and deliberate childlessness – then I think they’re futile and will be brushed aside.”

Emphasis mine.

Here’s what else this guy doesn’t address: How would he determine that childlessness is deliberate? Would he interview friends, parents, neighbors? Determine through a polygraph if the couple has ever expressed hostility towards little niblets? See if they’ve been seen glaring at shrieking kids in restaurants, or avoiding their detritus in the coffee shop?

Is there a deadline? My husband and I have been married for six years, as yet we have no kids. I’m 29. Do we have to reproduce within the next 5 years in order to protect our marriage? Or do we get six or seven years on account of somebody in Brazil or something just had a kid at 59?

And what if we simply don’t breed well in captivity? We hadn’t ruled out children when we got married, but it’s not like we made sure we could get knocked up before we tied the knot, because that would have involved premarital sex, and that would be wrong. Are we contractually obligated to adopt? Are we obligated to adopt an American child or will one from China do?

Will this man himself come by and make sure we are having children or can the census takers take care of that and he’ll just check their reports?

I’m so confused.