Department of Job Descriptions


Baptist churches have traditionally expanded by acrimonious division. Let two or more folks in a congregation get ticked off and a new Baptist church was likely to be born. The very idea that edicts could be handed down to local churches from some smooth-talking preacher with perfect hair was unheard of.

That all changed a decade or so ago when my once-proud Baptists gave up their spunky independence. They became Bobble Head Baptists, nodding along when warned that Disney World was an evil place and that women should submit to their husbands at home and at church. Now they’re being told to be on the lookout not only for homosexual activists, but for their allies as well.

What, in the name of all things rational, is a “homosexual ally”? Do you have to sign a treaty or something?

I’d just like to state for the record that I’ll sign on.