Letterman and Leno on Cheney

From Holden:

Late night fun.

Late Show with David Letterman, CBS:

— “Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It’s Dick Cheney.”

— “But here is the sad part — before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy’s request for body armour.”

— “We can’t get (Osama) bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney.”

— “The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he’s fine. He took a little in the wallet.”

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, NBC:

— “Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear.

— “That’s the big story over the weekend. … Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 per cent.”

— “I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, ‘Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?’ ”

— “Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine’s Day. It’s the new Dick Cheney cologne. It’s called Duck!”

Letterman’s Top Ten List also dealt with trigger-happy Cheney.