Today on Holden’s Obsession with the Gaggle

From Holden:

Little Scottie split today’s gaggle with Fran “Deaf, Dumb and Blind” Townsend as the topic of the day was Bird Flu.

Seldom is the question asked, is our Assministration learning?

Q Fran, thank you. Can you tell us a little bit, walk us through the chain of command? As we saw with Hurricane Katrina, you can have a plan, but if it’s not implemented and there’s not coordination, it might not work. As I understand it, the Health and Human Services Secretary would be the point person. But what’s the chain of command, direct access to the President? What’s the role of Secretary Chertoff, what’s your role, U.S. military, Secretary Rumsfeld? How are you going to coordinate that within the government in a crisis?

MS. TOWNSEND: Okay, so is this one question or several? Okay. All right, let me start from the top down, because that’s the easiest way to do this. The “who’s in charge” — I mean, essentially what you’re asking me, Ed, is who’s in charge. And the answer is, in a national crisis, the President of the United States is in charge.

Oh, shit! Chimpy is in charge? What’s he going to do, play the guitar until everyone dies from the bird flu?

Dick Cheney is not amused.

Q When the virus does arrive on the continent, what would you say to hunters? Are there any plans to restrict or ban duck hunting?

The ballroom dancing instructors are gonna plotz!

Q But some of it — you have 40 percent of the workforce out in the most severe outbreak. You’ve got guidelines for people to stay three feet apart, which seems unworkable in areas of work — I mean, how can it not be chaos with the economy —

MS. TOWNSEND: Good planning and preparation will avoid it being chaotic. It just will.