Letter to Heather

I must publicly correct a slander against my alma mater.

They do not drink this at the University of Wisconsin.

They cannot afford that, while attending the University of Wisconsin.

In fact, one of my fondest memories of the University of Wisconsin is going to the corner ripoff liquor store to purchase a bottle of the fine cherry wine of Door County, as you do, and seeing two guys come stumbling out of the place. They regarded the advertising in the store’s window rapturously (half-barrel of MGD, half-price) and one of them turned to the other and shouted, “MILLER! My favorite fuckin’ BEER!”

Trust me, darling. Heineken is way out of the price range.