Fantasy Congress

White House to Joe Biden:



Well, the President has spoken frequently about the importance of our effort in Iraq, the importance of helping the Iraqi people institute a government and create a society that is stable, can govern itself and be an ally in the war on terror. And he continues to ask questions. He understands that the American people are, rightfully, very concerned about what is going on in Iraq, as is the President.

But the President wants to make sure that he’s taking the appropriate amount of time and giving the appropriate consideration of all the options before making an announcement.

My Fantasy Joe Biden to the White House:


“You know what, Mr. President? I’ll say what I want, when I want, and you can take your patrician expectations of yourself as the Lizard of All He Surveys and fold them four ways, capisce? Jesus. Appropriate time.Appropriate time, this guy says to me. Almost four years into a war he has no idea how to win, a war we lost three and a half years ago by the way, and this guy wants to talk about appropriate times for reacting to plans he has no idea if they’ll work or not. The gang that can’t shoot straight wants to tell me how to aim. Can you believe this shit?

“Mr. President, I’ll tell you about the appropriate time to comment on things you dream up to make yourself look more manly on TV, because such timing is a lesson I’ve learned in the past four years of watching you screw up while I sat back and made other Democrats look like pussies for not praising you highly enough. I’ll tell you, the appropriate time to stop somebody from jumping off a bridge is before he actually jumps, not when he’s halfway down, yelling up to me “so far so good!” with that dumb-assed smirk you — I mean he — has on his face most of the time. The appropriate time to tell you you’ve got your head screwed on backwards this morning and your shoes on on the wrong feet, that’s right now, pal o’mine, so take it from me, this is a rotten idea, it’s not going to salvage anything, people are sick of the dying and I’m not going to back you this time. And you can stuff your ideas about what I can say when I can say it, because despite your best efforts, this is America, and telling you left from right today is far more satisfying than getting nominated to succeed your sorry ass. Now if you don’t mind, there’s a microphone over there, and I’ve got a speech to give. Run along and play with your sock monkey. There’s a good boy.”


My Fantasy Joe Biden is a lot of fun. I got him for Christmas, along with lots of other good presents.


A.

ps. A special thanks to BuggyQ for filling in while I was gone!

6 thoughts on “Fantasy Congress

  1. flory says:

    My Fantasy Joe Biden is a lot of fun. I got him for Christmas, along with lots of other good presents.
    Bet the fantasy Joe doesn’t have hair plugs either.

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  2. Iwonder says:

    “…But the President wants to make sure that he’s taking the appropriate amount of time and giving the appropriate consideration of all the options before making an announcement…”
    Translation:
    We don’t yet have the bullshit stories and false intelligence in place to present to ya’ll in biblical ‘Revelations’ fashion. We have to stall until we can make something happen to justify more troops in Iraq. Stay Tuned. More war soon.

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  3. Anonymous says:

    Your fantasy Joe Biden is very close to the real Joe Biden, leave out a phrase or two. I know Biden takes a beating from us progressives on MBNA credit card stuff and his sometimes loose tongue, but on Iraq war, we must admit he is the ace of aces. Never minces words, speaks in clear folksy tongue (unlike Kerry) and always gives Bush “in your face” treatment. I know he is saving his fireworks for his foreign affairs committee hearings. Biden thinks that those hearings will be his make or break moment for his presidential candidacy. I don’t care much for his candidacy, but he will put on a great show with his iraq hearings.
    You can bet he will shave off 5 points of Bush’s ratings after his 6 ( or is it 8?) weeks of hearings (Bush will be in low 20’s by then) and improve his presidential polls by about 5 (means nothing in the long run though).
    I like Biden when he is in his elements. He is very articulate in a folksy way – a lethal combination.
    ecoast

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  4. BuggyQ says:

    It was my pleasure. And I have even greater respect for all you folks do. It’s a tough job, and you do it gracefully.

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  5. pansypoo says:

    oh jeez, you ain’t never gonna get a real Biden to do that. he will roll over like a puppy when georgie stamps his little boots and screams “but i wanna i wanna, i wanna play war preznit MY WAY”.

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  6. scoutprime says:

    Welcome back A.
    And also my thanks to BuggyQ!
    Have fun with Fantasy Joe!!!

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