‘Panthers and other hard animals’

This has made the rounds of the non-political Internet, and it just gets funnier every time I read it:

Koalas aren’t hard they some little bitches. They start climbing up the tree soon as they see a deer from like 50 feet away. They stupid as hell … They try to be in the fucking kangaroo family. They weak
as hell, talking bout they got a pouch a kangaroo so they their cousins and shit. Kangaroo’s have some big ass legs and whot do a koala got? Some little ass legs, they tails is little and weak as fuck kangaroo’s got a big ass long tail that can kill a fucking koala.

If a koala goes in the water it won’t be able to breathe with its little short ass.

A.

10 thoughts on “‘Panthers and other hard animals’

  1. There is absolutely nothing whatsoever funny about that.
    That’s an 8th grade public school student, probably days from dropping out, revealing a complete lack of socialization, absolutely no conscience, and total ignorance. Not to mention the ‘hard’ sound of it.
    Pitiful? Yeah. In every way imaginable, because right off the bat it shows you some people don’t want to be educated. They don’t want to think. They have no curiosity.
    The life that made this child this way is almost an unimaginable cruelty.

  2. Elspeth R says:

    I couldn’t have said it better TOS!
    Cheers,
    Elspeth

  3. thingwarbler says:

    What’s really, really scary is the fact that this apparently is Richard’s 2nd draft. Oh. My. God. The first draft (how apropos) must have been downright awful. I can’t even begin to imagine the horror of having to grade that shit: “Well, Richard, you make some interesting observations and you have a really strong grasp of the concepts like ‘hard’, ‘bitch’ and ‘weak’; grammar, however, is clearly not your friend, nor, apparently, is biology, so…”
    Otherwise excellent essay, very profound and insightful. I like his egotistical utilitarian approach to wildlife: what good is an animal or anything else for that matter if it doesn’t do anything to help the author? Great approach to life, should get him far as a Republican.

  4. virgotex says:

    I have to agree. Not really so funny.

  5. Ray says:

    I agree about the koalas, though. Weak ass bitches.

  6. Guiliani wrote a similar essay about ferrets.

  7. hoppycalif says:

    Funny? In 4 years or less that is one kid who will be in terrible trouble, unless some heroic measures can be taken quickly. And, since this is a few years old, I suspect the kid is already too far gone. Funny?

  8. mpatterson says:

    I don’t buy it. The attitudes, as well as the usage errors and
    “ebonics” locutions, sound more like an adult would-be parodist than a kid that age.

  9. Sean says:

    I agree. This strikes me as a racist parody.
    If it is for real, it’s not the least bit funny, tho’.

  10. pansypoo says:

    i think maybe richard is a little republican to be and he was pissed because the teacher ASSIGNED him koalas. i do not think little richie picked koalas just do diss them, although they are rather retarded. eating eucalyptus all day and peeing on themselves.
    dang, now i am coming down on them koala bitches.
    and who names their kid richard these days?

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