‘My Wife’s Vagina Is Enough’

An open letter for Mr. A.

Darling,

You ever talk about my vagina in public, by itself or vis-a-vis its purpose as it relates to you, I swear to God they will never find your body.

I love you, sweetheart, you’re my whole life, but I’m just saying.

Kisses,

Your Adoring Wife

How in the unholy blue fuck do these people stay married? Honestly, no wonder they need the threat of hell and hope of heaven to guide their every move, because can you think, just off the top of your head, of a more moronic thing to say in public than that? Of a more idiotic way to launch into a conversation about masturbation? Of a more idiotic way to launch into a conversation about anything? Just … kill me now.

A.