This is why it’s pointless to “work with them.”
Because in the end, no matter how much they pretend to be your friends, they will fuck you when it matters. They have always done this, will always do this, and since nobody really cares anyway if Republicans and Democrats are nice to each other so long as they can continue to eat, you might as well on balance not waste your time.
It’s on Brownback that he’s acting like a fucking asshole, don’t get me wrong. But this is exactly why most people who’ve been relatively awake for the past eight years hear “bipartisanship” and “working across the aisle” and “ending the gridlock in Washington” and “getting things done for YOU” and hear the sound of one hand wanking Richard Cohen.
A.
But, it gives me a nice warm feeling now that I know the Republicans won’t say he is soft on national security. He won that concession by his lack of action and his equivocating on the FISA bill. That is right, isn’t it? Oh man…I just realized I peed my pants. I wondered why the warmth went away.
Why do they keep getting away with it? Because, like Charlie Brown and the football, they have hope. THIS time it can be different.
Chuck Shultz is dead, but since we are stuck in that metaphor let’s look at what a NEW one would look like.
Lucy says, Let me hold the ball for you Charlie Brown, you will really kick it far this time!
Charlie Brown: No.
Lucy: But don’t you want to kick the football? You can’t do it by yourself.
Charlie: Yes I want to kick the ball, but you always pull it away.
Lucy: I won’t this time. I promise. It would make me look TERRIBLE not to keep the promise.
Charlie: Lucy. Would YOU like to see the football go far?
Lucy: What? Oh, sure. I mean, you bet!
Charlie: And as you said, I can’t do it by myself, right?
Lucy: Yes.
Charlie: So, this time I hold it and you kick.
Lucy: But YOU are the one who always wants to kick it.
Charlie: But you just said that you wanted to see it go far too. And that I can’t do it alone. Are you saying that you DON’T really want to see the football go far?
Lucy: This is not about what I want, this about what YOU want to do.
Charlie: Well what I want to do, I can’t do with out you and you can’t be trusted. So I’m going to change things. Either I hold and you kick or I drop kick the ball with out your help. Granted, it won’t go as far, but I will get something that I want, with your way I get nothing. If you REALLY wanted the ball to go far (which you say you want) you will kick and I will hold, that is how we can work together.
Lucy: I don’t really want to kick. I don’t really care about how far the stupid ball goes, I just like to see you fall!
Charlie: As I suspected. But just to prove that there are no hard feelings I’m going to give you the opportunity to kick the ball.
Lucy: Really?
Charlie: You bet.
Lucy: I’m going to kick it to the MOON!
Here I come! (she runs at the ball)
Charlie: I’m holding it!
At the last minute, Charlie Brown pulls the ball away. Lucy flies up and lands on her back.
Charlie: THAT was for the last 4 decades. Now I’m going to kick this ball with out you. It won’t go as far but you didn’t really want it to go anyway. Working with you was always a cruel game to you. I learned that from you, it only took me 40 years, welcome to the new rules of cartooning.
I don’t know why this is so hard: They’ve shown us their true colors. We should believe that and act accordingly.
Brightly colored pinatas full of smelly poop in their offices spring instantly to mind, but I’m open to suggestions.
Brings to mind the fable of the Scorpion and the Frog.
Regardless of what they say, they will always act according to their nature.