A day after retired Army Gen. Wesley Clark, now an Obama supporter, discussed McCain’s experience as a Navy pilot and prisoner of war in Vietnam on a Sunday talk show, his remarks set off the pattern that has become familiar from innumerable earlier flaps over surrogate remarks during the presidential election year: The candidates, Obama and McCain, took the high road while the bare-knuckled language was left to their surrogates.
Amazing, isn’t it, how that just happens all by itself? How with no help from anyone at all, a “pattern” is set off? A “firestorm” is created? All by itself. No, no siree, ain’t nobody here marching to anybody’s tune but his own. Fuck me black and blue, there is not enough $5 sauvignon blanc to get me through this election season in one piece. Every morning I resolve not to get worked up about this shit, and every afternoon, something so catastrophically dumb happens, like this meeting of the Solipsistic Dumbass Society, Associated Press Chapter, up in here. Screw it, pass me the bottle, just stick a straw in it. Puck, run fetch Mommy a straw.
Clark has said as much before, but drew little notice.
Goddamn, I wonder why that was. Don’t it just make you wonder? Why it’s a big deal today and not yesterday, yesterday and not the day before? Don’t it just confound the ever-loving shit out of you? Could it be because this sort of crap isentirely manufactured and thusentirely worthless not to mention arbitrary? And could those observations perhaps lead just one or two members of our national press corps to wonder if maybe, just maybe, Republicans howling about whatever it is they pull out of the hat this week isn’t fuckingnews anymore?
I mean, if somebody’s a proven liar, and the lies he’s spouting aren’t new, you have yourself right there two reasons not to run with any kind of a story. Yes, Beth Fouhy, even if it’s a phenomenon on the Internet. Even if it’s all over TV. Even if Chris Matthews is pissing himself and Brit Hume’s turning purple with orgiastic glee. Even then, you can still look at the set of circumstances and say, “eh,” and go home for the night. Seriously, have a little pride, people. Have a little pride in what you do, and realize that at this point you’re not just being played, you are literally WRITING ABOUT YOUR BEING PLAYED AS THOUGH IT IS HAPPENING TO SOMEBODY ELSE AND YOU’RE NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM.
Puck, sweetheart, c’mere. Mommy’s going to show you how to mix her a Wildside. Come over here. Bring the liquor cabinet with you.
A.