Yep. Whiter than this.
I live in Madison, Wisconsin. The Whitest Place in the Universe.
How do I know this, you ask?
Simple. A couple of days ago, I saw a recumbent bicycle. Okay, that’s pretty white, but not that remarkable.
Hold on. There’s more.
It was a tandem recumbent bicycle. Now we’re breaking new ground.
But wait! It continues.
The two, mid-fifty-ish people on this extremely honkified contraption had headset radios for communicating with each other.
Now, my friends, we have broken through to a whiteness that is whiter than pure, unrefracted light. Space and time were warped by this dazzling whiteness. Dogs howled. Birds fell out of the sky. Parents shielded their children from the intense, burning whiteness. The very stars were moved from their courses. I believe, as I stood there, that I could hear God weeping.
So again, I say: I live in Madison, Wisconsin. The Whitest Place in the Universe.