Shit I Hope For

The Pain Train’s comin’ for you, GOP! Whoo whoo!

There’s something I’m really, really hoping for tonight.

I hope that the football game runs long. Really long. So long that NBC has to cut away from it to show McCain’s speech in Minnesota.

Will there be a repetition of the infamousHeidi incident? Not in New York or DC, as NFL contracts now require that broadcasters show games to their conclusions in their home markets. But what about the rest of the country? Wouldn’t it be great if NBC (the network, by the way, responsible for the aforementioned incident) cut away from the final few minutes of tonight’s NFL season opener to cover Oldy McBoring’s speech to the moribund GOP? Wouldn’t that begreat? Man, lots of people would be pissed at McCain! In addition to the NBC switchboards being melted by overuse, the RNC would see a lot of heat, as well. It’s been a long year without football, as far as NFL fans are concerned, and they’d probably despise missing even a minute of the season opener.

Also, I’d be delighted because, no matter what happens, it’s gonna piss off the NFL team owners. They want McCain to win, for sure. But they also want maximum exposure for their product, with no negative attention from cutting the broadcast short. So, whenever NFL team owners are unhappy, I’m delighted. NFL owners are some of the biggest shitheads in the country. 

Especially you, Tom Benson. You dancin’ douche.

So come on, Giants and Washington. Play dirty. Get lots of penalties. Have a 20-minute brawl in the third quarter. Dive like fuckin’ soccer players, so that they have to bring out the cart to take your healthy, faking ass off the field. And Jeebus, if you’re listening, we’d appreciate some technical difficulties to delay the start of the game–satellite linkup problems or the like, alright? Nothing that would cause any harm to people or their homes. 

It’ll be great.

5 thoughts on “Shit I Hope For

  1. I’ll gladly be the first person to criticize our values that put a sports event above anything and everything else. The fact that they don’t dare break away from a sporting event shows how warped we are.
    At the same time, I love your scenario – either they stay with the game, McCain times his speech to occur after the game, or they cut to McCain. Any way they do it, they are mud.

  2. While the football fans won’t really appreciate this, nothing demonstrates the disarray of the Republican party this year any better than this timing. Republican viewership is already off this year, compared to 2004, and also compared to the DNCC (even last night, when Palin, who is an admitted superstar and curiosity, spoke). I know not a lot of football fans would have been tuning in anyway. But jeebus. I, for one, plan to have a pretty good NFL buzz going on when and if I do tune into McCain’s wrestling match with a teleprompter.
    It pretty much guarantees that his understudy will be the big star of his how.

  3. So, the RNC says that ‘they’ are the true agents of change w/McPale?
    Yeah I got your change – right HERE:
    The Party of Real Change – from “My Pet Goat” to “My Horny Old Goat”!!!
    Vote – Shriveled Wanker/Hyper Vagina ’08!!!

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