Today in Fundie Insanity


For the wages of sin is cheesy electric signage.

Today’s Fundie Insanity is brought to us courtesy of alert reader Hell Kat, who sends the following fromSalon’s Broadsheet.

Unless you failed all summer long to turn on the radio, watch
television or step foot outside of your apartment, I shouldn’t have to
explain that a sign displayed outside of Havens Corners Church in
Blacklick, Ohio, reading, “I kissed a girl and I liked it, then I went
to Hell” is an attack on Katy Perry’s infectious single “I Kissed a
Girl.” (A sampling of the lyrics for cave dwellers: “I kissed a girl
and I liked it/ The taste of her cherry ChapStick/ I kissed a girl just
to try it/ I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it.”)

Pastor David Allison explained that the sign was meant as a
warning to teens: “If anyone’s seen the video and understands how lewd
and suggestive the video is for this song, that is not something young
people should go toward.” Note that for all her talk, Katy Perry does
not actually kiss a girl in the music video for the song.

Now, I’m not prepared to passionately defend the song. Its
burlesque beat has many a time pulled me to the dance floor, but I
don’t exactly findthe lyrics
about faux same-sex experimentation amid defensive heterosexuality, you
know, politically inspiring or even inoffensive. In fact, I would find
the song much more enjoyable with bland lyrics along the lines of “I
ate a pie and I liked it/ The taste of cher-ry fill-ing.” That way I
could enjoy the pop fizz minus the, to my palette, subtle hetero-sexist
aftertaste.

But, of course, the folks behind the church sign find the song to
be an outrageous endorsement of homosexuality. They would find any
lyrics short of threatening eternal damnation for kissing a girl —
even if it’s just an “innocent” and “experimental game” —
unacceptable. Gosh, just imagine the circle of hell they reserve for
girls who kiss girls because they actuallylike girls.

 

That’s some mighty fine pastorin’ there, David Allison. Timely, too. I mean, shit. It only took you all summer to think of that witty riposte? Schmuck.

My first thought when I saw that picture? I wasn’t aware that Hell had a work-release program for damned souls to make church signs.

Oh, and even money says that Pastor Allison has a campaign to get the name of his town changed.

15 thoughts on “Today in Fundie Insanity

  1. Can someone please direct me to the Bible verse against girls kissing? Thank you in advance.

  2. Of course, it’s even funnier if you imagine it said in full-on Church Lady Voice:
    “I kissed a girl…then I went to HELL!”
    I go past a church with that kind of sign every day on my commute, I’ll have to keep a closer look. Of course, it’s in Central New Jersey, so less chance of entertaining verbiage. (Although, learning that Hellfire and Pipeline Sarah’s pastor used to preach at a church 20 minutes north of here has given me pause.

  3. I only finally heard more than the chorus of this song when I drove to New Orleans in July. I do enjoy the music bit, rather danceable indeed. I could care less about the lyrics appropriateness (where are the fundies to bitch and moan over the Saving Abel song “Addicted” that clearly says “when you’re going down on me between the sheets”??!) But as for Perry’s song, who’s faux-religio-knickers get in a twist over their experimentally leaning lyrics, I have no comment other than to query: “denial much?”
    I actually love the song, because it was playing as I was driving TO New Orleans, it was about 9:30 a.m., great weather, a long fun weekend ahead of me there – and the song is upbeat – so now when I hear it I think of that day. Besides, my Sex & the City movie soundtrack was played out for one day! 🙂
    (heck, that Cher song “life after love” or whatever it is reminds me of being in Madrid, so I love it. 🙂 )
    Peace, Elspeth

  4. I’ll bet you top dollar the sales figures for Cherry Chapstick in Blacklick, OH are through the roof. Stupid adults, when have you succeeded in getting your kids not to do something by telling them not to do it?
    Probably not unlike Virgo, when I first heard of this song, I though it was a remake of Jill Sobule’s hit. When I finaly listened to it and contemplated the lyrics, the song sounds like a one-time hipster experiment which will not be re-attempted. Seriously, it’s like she tried beer and she kinda liked it but meh, maybe not for her. It is not the lesbian paean that many in the mainstream and anti-homosexual groups think it is; it’s merely a song about experimentation. Do people even pay attention to what they rail against?
    Some of my continued favorites are Blur’s “Who like boys to be girls Who do boys like they’re girls” and Crash Test Dummies’ “Androgynous.” The fundies probably couldn’t get past the first lines of those songs to figure out what in Sunday School was going on.

  5. Dumb Question: As I’m a guy and kissing a girl will send me to hell, is it saying I should be gay?

  6. Yeah, I haven’t listened to the radio much this summer–when I heard everyone talking about this song, I thought it was just a remake of that cute Jill Sobule song from, what, ten years ago?
    Sadly, it’s not nearly as good.

  7. I think the entire set of lyrics did not fit on the sign, it goes something like this…
    */begin snark/*
    I kissed a girl and I liked it
    Then I went to hell and I liked it
    Then I went to Disneyland and I liked it
    Then God said, it is up to me to judge,
    You don’t get to decide who is in hell
    So get over yourself you stupid cunt.
    */end snark/*

  8. And why is it wrong? There is absolutely nothing in the Bible against it! It’s all “If a man lay down with a man..” Absolutely nothing about goils.
    G’wan, fundies! Quote a verse! I dare ya!

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