McDouchey

I spend less and less time caring about political bias in journalism these days, and more and more time caring about laziness, stupidity and self-absorption:

Stewart said he and Cramer are both snake-oil salesman, only “The Daily Show” is labeled as such.He
claimed CNBC shirked its journalistic duty by believing corporate lies,
rather than being an investigative “powerful tool of illumination.” And
he alleged CNBC was ultimately in bed with the businesses it covered _
that regular people’s stocks and 401Ks were “capitalizing on your
adventure.”

For his part, Cramer disagreed with Stewart
on a few points, but mostly acknowledged that he could have done a
better job foreseeing the economic collapse: “We all should have seen
it more.”

Cramer said CNBC was “fair game” to the
criticism and acknowledged the network was perhaps overeager to believe
the information it was fed from corporations.

“I, too, like you, want to have a successful show,” said Cramer, defending his methods on “Mad Money.”

You monumental dick. You still think this is about you, about who loves who more, about who has the most successful show. You still think that this is all just a big ironic joke, that this isn’t actually real. You still think the money you talk about is what, like Monopoly money, just paper, just numbers, just stuff you can spout and not have to deal with any actual consequences. That’s not Grandma’s retirement or your dad’s pension, it’s just Jim Cramer having a wacky good time! Money’s just like basketball or Britney, it doesn’t really exist except in the magic box called the TV.

Being fair, though, Jim, you cheesedick, why shouldn’t you, really? You’re gonna have a job no matter what the market does because you can always convince somebody you’re ratings gold, especially when you’re basically that drunk dude at the party making a bong out of an eggplant. Why shouldn’t you act like the biggest thing that anybody could ever think to call you on is wanting to be successful? It’s not like anybody lost anything listening to you, right? It’s not like the whole economy went down the shitter and some people can’t afford to buy their medicine anymore while you got all bug-eyed and red-faced and yelly into the camera like a meth-huffing Muppet screaming buy or sell. Right?

You jackass. You wanna go make out with the mirror, fine. But don’t ask the rest of us to watch. It’s gross.

And while we’re at it, why the fuck is it I spend all day listening to print journos beefing about the lack of standards for opinionating on the Internet and garnering an audience while clowns like this choad and Glenn Beck pollute the airwaves with barely justifiable bullshit every day for the last decade? Have we just basically given up on TV “news?” Are we still pretending it doesn’t exist? Is it beneath us to notice that while bloggers lack standards and a stylebook of their own, you can say completely fucking anything on TV and nobody will ever call you on it, ever?

In fact, if you say enough barely justifiable shit and once in a while slip right over into genocidal racist maniac territory, they might promote you. Hire you to do special football analysis. Give you speaking fees. And you don’t need to worry about being repeatedly wrong, not even in the age of YouTube, because it’s like the whole exercise is so stupid we’re just skipped right over it to hate on bloggers for some reason. Maybe we could get on that if we’re not too busy repeating one another’s stories about beer pong herpes and Jesus appearing in people’s bowls of Lucky Charms.

Schmucks.

A.

ps. Watching a bunch of people just right now figure out that the Daily Show has always been a satire of the network news is never going to stop being fucking hilarious.

11 thoughts on “McDouchey

  1. Rmj, Bitter Theologist says:

    Cramer is rich from his hedge fund days. He doesn’t need the TeeVee gig for income. It’s just a rich man’s hobby.
    So it’s worse than doing it for the ratings and the promise of a promotion.

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  2. Rmj, Bitter Theologist says:

    Is it beneath us to notice that while bloggers lack standards and a stylebook of their own, you can say completely fucking anything on TV and nobody will ever call you on it, ever?
    And the difference between TeeVee journalism and blogging is clear.
    You can’t say “fuck” on TeeVee.

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  3. Funny, but as I was watching Stewart rigorously delivering the redass to Cramer last night, I couldn’t help thinking about how the supposedly “real” media seemed to think they could control the game by whining about a blogger ethics panel not too long ago.
    Keep killing journalism, Athenae. I’m sick of it.

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  4. Interrobang says:

    I note that Loud Obbs still has a loud job even though he’s been caught several times quoting stuff from white supremacist nativist groups. He’s been the main transmitter into the mainstream of that “Reconquista” crap VDare and their fellow-travellers were pushing, among other things. He keeps claiming that illegal immigrants have brought tens of thousands more cases of leprosy into the United States than have ever been surveyed in the US in total, keeps getting caught at it, and then hesays it again.
    I note that Bill O’Reilly lied on national television about the Malmedy massacre in WWII, at least twice, insisting that American troops had massacred German POWs, when it was actually SS officers who shot American soldiers.
    I note that Ann Coulter went on The Fifth Estate up here in Canada and insisted, despite being corrected several times, that Canada had officially sent troops to Vietnam. (Even further back, and relatedly, I have good documentary evidence that various authority figures and news pundits, including Tom Reddin, went on teevee and lied about the existence of the My Lai massacre.)
    I also note that Ari Fleischer was on teevee the other day still pimping the Bush Administration’s lie/line that Saddam Hussein was responsible for 9/11. Further, I note that he actually asked Chris “Tweety” Matthews, “How dare you say that 9/11 happened on our watch?!”, which is, to my mind, amuch, much bigger lie. After all, they’ve been pushing the Saddam-9/11 thing foreight years now, and if you’re an ignorant racist scuttlefish, it’s pretty easy to believe that a Middle Eastern dictator might have something to do with Islamic terrorism.
    On the other hand, the Bush guys have spent the lasteight years trying to convince everyone how preznitial Himself looked giving speeches on the rubble in NYC, how the response was appropriate and justified, and how everything they did and were doing was justified because 9/11 shut up, and so on. And here’s Bush’sformer press secretary insisting on national television that the former president wasn’t the president on 11 September 2001, despite all evidence to the contrary, andMy Pet Goat footage notwithstanding.
    That is, frankly, anenormous, mind-blowing lie, to the point where everything Matthews said was utterly inadequate, and to the point where only a Joseph Welch-style rhetorical pile-driver would have been necessary and sufficient. That isn’t just conveniently omitting some salient facts to attempt to shore up a lie of convenience by omission, that is blatantly1984-style historical Memory (ass)Holism. (And why is nobody else talking about that lie but me?!)

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  5. Dan says:

    Hi Athenae. I think you’re missing the bigger picture – Cramer is entirely serious. It’s not a game. But what he’s serious about is manipulatingthe market (see here if you can’t watch the video), more than likely for his benefit and that of a tight circle of high flying friends. Look at what he said, then think back to his infamous “bad call” on Bear Stearns. Think some of his buddies might have been imploring him to pump the stock for a day or two so they could liquidate their positions with minimal damage? I wouldn’t be the slightest bit surprised.

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  6. Katie says:

    Every time I see Cramer etc… trying to defend themselves, I think of Arrested Development.
    “Risky!”

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  7. karen marie says:

    the traffic is so high on comedy central that i haven’t been able to watch the third clip yet.
    “we never imagined” seems to be the final fall-back excuse for all of these maroons.
    i’m still waiting for an explanation as to why it’s so important that the financial wizards who created this mess get bonuses or they’ll leave their jobs.
    how expert can they be if they “didn’t see this coming”?

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  8. Interrobang says:

    Cramer should write a book:How to Lie Your Ass Off For Fun and Profit (Mostly Profit)
    For what it’s worth, I thought my previous post was too long and ranty, so I lengthened it andranted it some more…

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  9. pansypoo says:

    bubbles happen. they just made it fucking bigger.
    fuck fairness doctrine. how about the truth. the whole truth would be nice, but fuck ‘sides’. screw the teevee gnews making the insane seem plausable. and i LOVED when vance degeneres PLAYING with teevee gnews drama shots. high parody.
    because teevee gnews is a parody of itself.

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  10. agave says:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/03/11/jim-cramer-shorting-stock_n_173824.html
    “He also calls Wall Street Journal reporters “bozos” and says behaving illegally is okay because the SEC doesn’t understand it anyway.”

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  11. John Gall says:

    I think Cramer knew just exactly what he was doing on his show. Please see the three part article (and more) beginning here:
    http://www.deepcapture.com/the-story-of-deep-capture-by-mark-mitchell/
    Stewart didn’t touch on any of the issues at the link. If he had, Cramer might not have gotten out alive.

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