Oh, the depravity

Like most of you, I’ve more or less looked the other way all this time that Athenae’sbeenkillingjournalism. Thismorning, however, brings some shocking news, news that forces me to wonder…whether I, and all of us, are not responsible for her twisted acts, whether we aren’t, all of us, responsible for the extent of her rampages.

Why today?

Because she’s gone global, folks. Not content with murdering American print media, she’s gone across the pond. She’s murdered the venerableGuardian. And it’s not just that she’s killed one of Britain’s oldest newspapers, it’show she’s she did it.

Consolidating its position at the cutting edge of new media technology, the Guardian today announces that it will become the first newspaper in the world to be published exclusively via Twitter, the sensationally popularsocial networking service that has transformed online communication.


The move, described as “epochal” by media commentators, will see all Guardian content tailored to fit the format of Twitter’s brief text messages, known as “tweets”, which are limited to 140 characters each. Boosted by the involvement of celebrity “twitterers”, such as Madonna, Britney Spears and Stephen Fry, Twitter’s profile has surged in recent months, attracting more than 5m users who send, read and reply to tweets via the web or their mobile phones.


As a Twitter-only publication, the Guardian will be able to harness the unprecedented newsgathering power of the service, demonstrated recently when a passenger on a plane that crashed outside Denver was able to send real-time updates on the story as it developed, as did those witnessing an emergency landing on New York’s Hudson River. It has also radically democratised news publishing, enabling anyone with an internet connection to tell the world when they are feeling sad, or thinking about having a cup of tea.


And as if that’s not bad enough:

A mammoth project is also under way to rewrite the whole of the newspaper’s archive, stretching back to 1821, in the form of tweets. Major stories already completed include “1832 Reform Act gives voting rights to one in five adult males yay!!!”; “OMG Hitler invades Poland, allies declare war see tinyurl.com/b5x6e for more”; and “JFK assassin8d @ Dallas, def. heard second gunshot from grassy knoll WTF?”

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12 thoughts on “Oh, the depravity

  1. That’s a good one! “OMG Hitler invades Poland!” I love April Fools Day!

  2. My nomination for the next archival story? “Britain losing in Crimea. Srsly! Charge of Lite Brigade giant clusterf***, gives raglan sleeves bad name.”

  3. “JFK assassin8d @ Dallas, def. heard second gunshot from grassy knoll WTF?”
    Funniest damn thing I’ve seen in a while.

  4. I hate April Fool’s Day. I got punked all over the place yesterday because in the world we live in today it’s all freaking believable. The new normal is Fool’s Day everyday.

  5. No kidding, pansypoo. My favorite was “Titanic Sunk By Giant Metaphor.”
    The Onion rawks.

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