Quitting Time Booster Shot

Where when we’re talking low, we’re talking low…

– Watched the series finale of “Life on Mars” last night (TiVo rules!) and I wanted to kick in my TV screen. The plot of the show, based on the BBC version, is Sam Tyler was a cop in 2008 when he was hit by a car. He awoke to find himself a cop in 1973, with all of his 2008 knowledge. In between solving crimes and trying to save a younger version of himself from a psychopathic father, Sam keeps getting hints and visions of how to get home. The series set out all sorts of “Lost” moments in which they’d hint at if Sam was in a coma or if this was a drug trip or a government conspiracy/operation. It was cool. Then it got canceled but it got three episodes to try to wrap things up. In the last 10 minutes of the show, Sam falls in love in 1973 and then gets brought back to the present which is actually 2035 or something. Turns out, he was an astronaut headed to Mars in cryo-sleep when something with his “fantasy sleep program” went wrong and sent him to 1973. While I don’t begrudge the show for trying to at least wrap stuff up, come the hell on here… This has to be one of the five stupidest things TV has ever done either as a plot twist or to end a series. The others in my book:

The end of St. Elsewhere, in which we’re told the whole show was nothing but the figments of the imagination of an autistic kid.

The finale of the Sopranos, where I swear I thought my cable went out. (OK, props to David Chase for making me squirm with that scene and the Journey classic, “Don’t Stop Believing.” But still…)

– Theweird ass “devil” vision thing that happened at the end of “Dallas” where J.R. kills supposedly kills himself, only to later be brought back to life in a TV movie. (He’s discovered by Bobby Ewing who utters the last line of the series, “Oh my God.” Dallas should win twice for this, after having the stupid“Bobby’s death was just a three year dream” thing.)

The end of Roseanne. When you’re a great sitcom, you don’t want to mess with that by moving the whole thing into being a deeper and darker purpose at the end. The whole “wrap up” and “I changed reality” things just piss you off if you’re invested in the characters and the people involved.

(If “Lost” ends up being the weird thought psychosis of some mushroom-tripping stoner, it will clearly supplant all of these.)

These guys always do the shooting in the wrong order. Do unto others as you would do unto yourself FIRST, asshole.

– The Benjamin Button theory on Madonna has sprung up. Before you buy into it, look atthese photos andthese photos. “Aging backwards” my ass…

Ward Churchill got his $1 and his arrogant smirk back this week.He says he believes he will be reinstated at the University of Colorado. Yeah, sure, because that’s what usually happens when you falsify research, sue a university, disparage the administration in public and make comments that diss the 9/11 victims: Someone plays a chorus of “Memories” and you all have a group hug. It’s too bad the jury couldn’t rule that while he’d been improperly fired, he was still a plagiarizing jerk-off who thought that tenure protected you from everything.

Is anyone still using Internet Explorer 6? How about a Betamax?

– And finally, from the“I’d rethink that pop quiz, cabrone” File: Texas is thinking about allowing guns to be carried on college campuses. Sure, because you want the campus police having to determine if the person packing a Sig Sauer is carrying for fun or is about to go postal over failing a Calc midterm. Look, I get it. It’s Texas. When I visited there, they tried to buy me a belt buckle I could serve a tea setting on and a hat that required I take a personality test before they shaped it for me. I still liked it down there, but if you want to shake free of the idea that your state is full of well-armed nut balls, arming the campus glee club isn’t the way to do it.

Thanks for letting me share your air. Be back next week.


11 thoughts on “Quitting Time Booster Shot

  1. On the shooting victims: here are folks that did everyting “right”. They jumped through all the hoops for legal immigration. They worked hard. They studied. They passed the citizenship test. Only to have some idiot shoot them.
    Personally, I see a strong possibility that the shooter was inflammed by some of the immigration debate combined with the current economy.
    If so, is there any better argument against hate radio?
    On a much lighter side, thanks for reminding me of these strange TV series endings.

  2. Personally I thought it was a terrific “fuck you” from the writers to ABC.

  3. Three comments:
    1) I am still “using” IE6. At least that’s the version I have on the computer. But I USE Firefox as my browser.
    2) On the shooting in NYS: as of late Friday night the known information on the shooter is that he is a naturalized Vietnamese American and the two handguns he used were legally owned by him. The guns were recovered and the serial numbers match the numbers on his license.
    3)On strange TV endings: “The whole series was a dream” actually worked quite well for the ending of the second Bob Newhart show. I agree that it was stupid in other contexts.

  4. yeah, but Newhart can get away with stuff nobody else should attempt (cf his role in Noah WYle’s “The Librarian” movies).

  5. IE8 runs slower than 7 did, and 7 ran slower than 6 did. I wish I could still be running IE6, but web site content “advancements” preclude that. IE8 was so bad, I switched to Firefox, which (so far) is less objectionable.

  6. Re browsers: I only recently installed Windows XP on my tower unit and it had IE6 as the default browser. (I bought the disk a few years ago, actually.) M$ updating tried to get me to load IE7 and now IE8 every so often, so I turned off automatic updating. I only open IE6 if I need to access something from M$. At all other times I open Firefox and I like it much better.

  7. I hated the ending to Life on Mars. Do they think Americans are so stupid the that the title of the show was meant literally? WTF? It was based on a BBC series, so ending it after a brief run (to US viewers, we want series to run forever) was not surprising. Obviously, ABC isn’t picking up the sequel, Ashes to Ashes, with another cop injured who travels back to 1981 with the same squad from 1973.
    Thank FSM for BBC America, that’s all I can say.

  8. The “Dallas” ending was brilliant! Reverse “It’s a Wonderful Life”! Sue Ellen is an actress! Cliff Barnes is a Senator! Bobby is, well…kind of a dick! Joel Grey is the devil!
    I love that episode beyond all reason.

  9. “Texas is thinking about allowing guns to be carried on college campuses.”
    Yeah, that probably would have preventedthis. Idiots.

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