Where when we’re talking low, we’re talking low…
– Watched the series finale of “Life on Mars” last night (TiVo rules!) and I wanted to kick in my TV screen. The plot of the show, based on the BBC version, is Sam Tyler was a cop in 2008 when he was hit by a car. He awoke to find himself a cop in 1973, with all of his 2008 knowledge. In between solving crimes and trying to save a younger version of himself from a psychopathic father, Sam keeps getting hints and visions of how to get home. The series set out all sorts of “Lost” moments in which they’d hint at if Sam was in a coma or if this was a drug trip or a government conspiracy/operation. It was cool. Then it got canceled but it got three episodes to try to wrap things up. In the last 10 minutes of the show, Sam falls in love in 1973 and then gets brought back to the present which is actually 2035 or something. Turns out, he was an astronaut headed to Mars in cryo-sleep when something with his “fantasy sleep program” went wrong and sent him to 1973. While I don’t begrudge the show for trying to at least wrap stuff up, come the hell on here… This has to be one of the five stupidest things TV has ever done either as a plot twist or to end a series. The others in my book:
–The end of St. Elsewhere, in which we’re told the whole show was nothing but the figments of the imagination of an autistic kid.
–The finale of the Sopranos, where I swear I thought my cable went out. (OK, props to David Chase for making me squirm with that scene and the Journey classic, “Don’t Stop Believing.” But still…)
– Theweird ass “devil” vision thing that happened at the end of “Dallas” where J.R. kills supposedly kills himself, only to later be brought back to life in a TV movie. (He’s discovered by Bobby Ewing who utters the last line of the series, “Oh my God.” Dallas should win twice for this, after having the stupid“Bobby’s death was just a three year dream” thing.)
–The end of Roseanne. When you’re a great sitcom, you don’t want to mess with that by moving the whole thing into being a deeper and darker purpose at the end. The whole “wrap up” and “I changed reality” things just piss you off if you’re invested in the characters and the people involved.
(If “Lost” ends up being the weird thought psychosis of some mushroom-tripping stoner, it will clearly supplant all of these.)
–These guys always do the shooting in the wrong order. Do unto others as you would do unto yourself FIRST, asshole.
–Ward Churchill got his $1 and his arrogant smirk back this week.He says he believes he will be reinstated at the University of Colorado. Yeah, sure, because that’s what usually happens when you falsify research, sue a university, disparage the administration in public and make comments that diss the 9/11 victims: Someone plays a chorus of “Memories” and you all have a group hug. It’s too bad the jury couldn’t rule that while he’d been improperly fired, he was still a plagiarizing jerk-off who thought that tenure protected you from everything.
–Is anyone still using Internet Explorer 6? How about a Betamax?
– And finally, from the“I’d rethink that pop quiz, cabrone” File: Texas is thinking about allowing guns to be carried on college campuses. Sure, because you want the campus police having to determine if the person packing a Sig Sauer is carrying for fun or is about to go postal over failing a Calc midterm. Look, I get it. It’s Texas. When I visited there, they tried to buy me a belt buckle I could serve a tea setting on and a hat that required I take a personality test before they shaped it for me. I still liked it down there, but if you want to shake free of the idea that your state is full of well-armed nut balls, arming the campus glee club isn’t the way to do it.
Thanks for letting me share your air. Be back next week.