Quitting Time Booster Shot

It’s Good Friday and I’m enjoying a few brandies in the North Woods of Wisconsin. That and reading scholarship. It can’t be all fun and games… Here’s the boost you all need to get through the day.

It’s the QTBS, where we’re down with the capital C-P-T

– Could there be a worse name for a character on a tense show like “Lost” than Captain Frank Lapidus (La-PEE-dus)? This gets even worse when they refer to him by last name alone or the scene this week when a guy comes running up to him screaming “Captain Lapidus! Captain Lapidus!” It sounds like some guy with a head cold declaring how he just put on a condom…

– Speaking of capping the penis, here’s this from the “You’ve really gotta want it” file…

– How much of an effort are you willing to make in order to demonstrate you’re pissed at a newspaper? Apparently the folks on Hillsdale College’s baseball team arenot only angry but also creative. Of course the first question that came to my head was “Where did they get all that road kill?” Second question? “Which one of these assholes was the guy who said, ‘Shit we didn’t find enough dead stuff. Anybody got a gun so I can kill this goat?'” Third question? “What position does the goat-shooter play?”

Google insists it’s a friend to newspapers. Yeah, like that friend that borrows your car, gets drunk, pukes in the front seat, hits a telephone pole and then hands you back the keys before he goes to screw your wife.

Thanks to this group of jerkweeds, I’m having trouble watching The Backyardigans episodes with The Midget that have a purple penguin saying “Argh, I’m a scurvy pirate…” My second childhood is getting ruined. If you’ve got some weird plushy porn that includes the Easter Bunny or pictures of a well-armed Santa Claus, feel free to keep them to yourselves. I’m screwed up enough…

– From the “Would you pimp your sister? Uh… HOW much?” files: The Daily Bruin at UCLA took a four-page wrap ad this week that basically mimicked the whole front page. The ad, for some sort of honey-related crap, ran in several papers, but this was the most egregious example of ads and content blurring some pretty severe lines. My biggest problem with this was not that they did it (I’d sell my soul for tickets to the clinching game of the Cavs first NBA championship, so I’m no one to talk about cost-benefit analyses.) but that they spent half the issue pissing and moaning about the fact that they did it. Either take the money and say, “Hey, we sold out. You would too. Fuck you.” Or don’t take the money and rip the shit out of the ad place for trying to get you to cross a certain line. You can’t do both.

When I read this, all I could think about wasthe scene from “Rounders”when Teddy KGB thinks he’s pulled off the final hand only to find out that Mike flopped the nut straight. BTW, does anyone know what the hell Teddy had as a hand? My guess is he had pocket aces and that third ace was what he figured sealed it for him.

Man works for Fox, steals from Fox, tells people how great the thing he stole from Fox is and how easy it was to steal. Then, Fox fires man. On the plus side, the guy doesn’t have to work for Fox any more and it’s likely a decent repo man will be able to hijack his soul back…

– Will someone please get John Sweeney a jobbefore he kills someone? I hear there’s an opening at Fox…

Thanks for letting me share your air. Be back next week.


3 thoughts on “Quitting Time Booster Shot

  1. (I’d sell my soul for tickets to the clinching game of the Cavs first NBA championship, so I’m no one to talk about cost-benefit analyses.)
    Yeah, so I hope you’re not holding your breath. 🙂

  2. I’m curious as to just how far “North Woods” y’all are. If you are far enough north, maybe we could get together for a coffee, a Cuban behind the barn, or just a walk along Lake Superior while we discuss the screw-ups of the day. Hope you are enjoying your brandy.

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