Quitting Time Booster Shot

p>- QTBS NEWS FLASH:apparently Alaska’s gain is going to be our gain as well, as Sarah Palin announced she’ll be stepping down as governor. Implied in this decision is the idea that she’ll make a run at the presidency. Since she was using a basketball analogy in her explanation and since Obama plays a mean game of hoops, let’s just explain the 2012 election this way: If she makes the tourney, it’s going to be a 16 seed/1 seed game.

– As a tribute to Michael Jackson upon hearing about his death, CFL wide receiver Arland Bruce scored on a 21-yard pass andthen offered a tribute to the fallen star. Moonwalk? Nah, too cliché. Billy Jean dance? Doesn’t have the proper feel to it. Wear only one glove? Uh uh… Bruce actually removed his helmet, shoulder pads and jersey and laid down in the end zone, noting later he was honoring Jackson by pretending to be buried. His coach said that next time he hopes Bruce will “celebrate in an appropriate manner.” If I die, which I’m sure I will, please don’t let people in a journalism class go dig holes and lay in them as a tribute. A simple “Oh Captain, My Captain” moment will be fine.

This really pisses me off. Google has decided to block abortion services ads in about a dozen countries. Their rationale is shrouded in PR doublespeak explaining how abortion is an “emotional subject” and that Google “does not take a particular side.” It’s so nice when you can be all Switzerland about something while clearly engaging in advertising censorship. Feministing is taking on this issue and trying to push Google for not only a better response, but also for them to reverse the policy. My take: You mean that I can get ads for all sorts of bullshit scams on how to make money while being fat and lazy, ads that tell me I’ve won a free iPod and a dozen other things I don’t want, but Google is feeling “squishy” about abortion ads? So Google is banking on the idea that people will be smart enough to avoid the fraud but that the abortion ad will be so compelling that they’ll rush right out and get one? Gimme a break…

– Question: How screwed is California? Answer: They’ve resulted to “Arnie Bucks” in which they’re offering IOUs instead of cash for debts. Answer Number 2: They’ve basically resorted to the strategy of sorting out a crisis that Peter LaFleur used in “Dodgeball” by offering Kate two expired passes to a monster truck rally or something and a coupon for a back rub.

Lori Drew got a pass this week for precipitating the suicide of 13-year-old Megan Meier. The judge in the case threw out the conviction because he said the statue used to convict her was too “vague.” How about we just create a “You are too fucking stupid to be allowed near other people in free society for at least a while” statute and convict her on that one. It’d be a nice catch all for radio talk-show hosts and certain elected officials.

– From the “Does the state of South Carolina look like a bitch, Brett?” department: An audit has revealed the Mark Sanford didn’t use public funds in his Argentina-travel tryst. In looking at the way everyone is reacting from Sanford’s office, it seemslike this scene from Pulp Fiction, where Butch stops Zed from ass-raping Marcellus Wallace. After screwing him out of thousands of dollars, running him over with his car and beating him within an inch of his life, Butch has a straight face on as he says to Marcellus Wallace, “We cool?” Sure, Sanford, we’re cool. But your SC privileges have been revoked. You leave tonight and never come back.

– Amen, brother. Amen.

– I don’t know what the saddest thing is aboutthis story of a former Tampa Tribune reporter who was fired, got hooked on drugs and was homeless for several years. The story itself is heart breaking. The reaction from the former colleague is honest and smacks of survivor’s guilt. The writing is good enough to make me cry. However, maybe the saddest thing is that in reading that story, the first thought that came into my head was that this story might be a fraud, simply because we’ve seen amazingly touching stories revealed as fraud so often, it’s hard to know what to believe.

– Good question:Is there anything left for Gannett to cut? Bad answer: apparently 400 more jobs than we thought. Bill Cosby once joked that when you’re in Vegas, you should never challenge “worse.” Never make “worse” angry by saying, “Things can’t get worse…” Apparently that’s good advice in the newspaper biz these days.

Thanks for letting me share your air. Be back next week.


3 thoughts on “Quitting Time Booster Shot

  1. Where have we progressed to?
    Our sports figures think it is a tribute to play dead (perhaps my favorite sports team has been having a tribute for the last 6 years as the whole team has been playing dead everytime they got on the field? 😉
    But what really bothers me is the Myspace lady. One, I also live in Missouri. But what really bothers me is that a so-called adult can focus all her vengance to dismantle a 13 year old girl.
    From the start I thought the idea of prosecuting under to the TOS (after all, who doesn’t use an alias on the Internet? Is my real name really MapleStreet?) But I can’t believe that there isn’t something (other than commonsense, a respect of self, civility) that would stop an adult from systematically working to dismantle a 13 year old.

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