You may have noticed from the general sense of mourning and misery around the liberal blogosphere.
You know why she quit on a Friday evening before a holiday weekend? Because she hates us. You, me, Wolf Blitzer, all political reporters, all the people who bring the political reporters coffee, the guys who fix the lights on the sets the political reporters sit on, she hates us all. I have a book I’m trying to read, another book I’m trying to write, and most of all some major relaxation to do in preparation for a day of drinking on the morrow to celebrate the birth of Baby American Jesus or something. The Fourth of July is like a citywide Crackhead Holiday where I am and my neighbors have been setting off fireworks for days. By the end of the night tomorrow someone will light a recliner on fire in the alley, so you can see why I needed a little quiet time tonight to prepare myself. Instead, it’s All Sarah, All the Time, with a number of wacky theories being advanced that make no damn sense at all and unconfirmed whatevers being blathered on cable news and joyous .gifs being posted all over the place.
Because I was at work when St. Sarah ascended into heaven, I had to rely on the videos Scout and Doc kindly posted below, but eventually the sound of Palin’s voice did what it always does to me and I started looking for a) things to throw and b) a transcript.Thank you, TPM. I’ve culled here some of the things that made me spit my pinot grigio across the table:
We’re strategic IN the world as the air crossroads OF the world, as a gatekeeper of the continent.
This land, blessed with clean air, water, wildlife, minerals, AND oil and gas. It’s energy! God gave us energy.
We broke ground on the new prison.
We are doing well! I wish you’d hear MORE from the media of your
state’s progress and how we tackle Outside interests – daily – SPECIAL
interests that would stymie our state.
And I’m doing that – keeping our eye on the ball that represents sound
priorities – smaller government, energy independence, national
security, freedom! And I know when it’s time to pass the ball – for
Um, by the way, sure wish folks could ever, ever understand that we ALL
could learn so much from someone like Trig – I know he needs me, but I
need him even more… what a child can offer to set priorities RIGHT –
that time is precious… the world needs more “Trigs”, not fewer.
I’ve explained why… though I think of the saying on my parents’
refrigerator that says “Don’t explain: your friends don’t need it and
your enemies won’t believe you anyway.”
Remember Alaska… America is now, more than ever, looking North to the Future. It’ll be good.
I’m sorry, butwhat the fuck was that? I know she traffics in cutesy and I know she’s a bubblehead but REALLY? “It’ll be good” is what I say to my parents when I’m diving them somewhere and we get lost but I’m still vaguely aware of where we are. It’s not what you say to your state when you’re basically saying, “bored now, see you assholes later.” I’ve quit jobs that I HATED with more sincere regret.
I have several reactions to this news: Boy, the GOP’s implosion keeps getting better. Boy, Tommy’s job on Monday is going to be fun. Boy, I hope any one of the seven theories about various scandals is true. Boy, I hope nobody in her family really is sick or something because that would make all this tasty schadenfreude turn to ashes in my mouth. Boy, can she never, ever run for president at all now so it’s Jindal or bust. Boy, I wish I had gone back in time and gone to Vegas and put money on this spectacularly gooey kablooie because I’d be sitting on a pile of gold right now that would make Scrooge McDuck faint with jealousy.
Mostly, though, I hope we keep having Sarah Palin to kick around. Every time I think she’s getting boring and passé, she does something like this, and it’s like Christmas morning, even on Independence Day eve.