The media is also shading its case. In theTribune’s story
on Monday, the paper acknowledges that “Cohen indeed did mention [the
domestic battery charge] to reporters covering his campaign,” but takes
him to task for “omit[ting] critical details found in the police report
and other court records.”
Cohen, it seems, was too busy “stressing that the charges were
dropped when the girlfriend failed to show up in court to press them.”
Well, and that’s why you GO LOOK UP THE POLICE REPORT AND COURT RECORDS right away, Jesus God, instead of getting all huffy likeoh my god he lied to us that bastard! How dare he! Does anyone with a record like that NOT lie about it? Granted, one would hope he’d be a smarter liar and realize court records will always fuck you up, but we’re seriously surprised by this?
Backstory: this total asshole unexpectedly won the Democratic primary for lieutenant governor in Illinois,
and everybody was all, “Who the fuck did I just vote for?” so the
papers started looking, and then it turns out he was accused of threatening a
hooker he slept with and trying to rape his wife and generally being a
total crackhead for years, until he apparently cleaned up his act, but
we don’t care now because we feel stupid, and thanks, newspapers, for giving us this info after he’s already been made King of Everything. Great. So now he’s quit, and everybody in the dimbulb Chicago press is falling all over the place to say oh, thank God WE were here.