Worst movie you’ve ever seen?
Mr. A will insist that “our” answer to this is Species. I still say it was Eyes Wide Shut.
Eyes Wide Shut is one of the most terrible movies ever.
Although, Manos Hands of Fate is among the canon of worstest movies ever.
The Blair Witch Project was a close second, but I’m making allowances for its limited budget (so limited that they couldn’t afford a writer).
Typically, anything with a “III” after the title will do.
You could throw inEmbrace of the Vampire (or, really, anything with “Vampire” in the title as well).
But I think that the worst POS movie ever made, just unwatchable dreck, was some the putrid offering calledHope Floats.
If you haven’t seen that, consider yourself lucky.
The Sgt Pepper’s movie starring the Bee Gees.
Can’t Stop The Music w/The Village People
Cook, Thief, Wife & Lover.
ANYTHING directed by M Night Shammalamma. I would sooner sit through infinite showings of Eyes Wide Shut than anything by him. He makes Ed Wood look like Hitchcock.
The recent movie version of Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, near total crap.
Bad Lieutenant w/Harvey Keitel. I still wonder how they talked him into doing that.
A flick with Dermot Mulroney and Kyle MacLachlan in it called The Trigger Effect is just pure bad.
Other movies I’ve seen that have been bad can at least be resurrected a little by some MST3K-type banter amongst friends. Not so with the abovementioned movie. Ugh.
Solaris (the original, didn’t have the nerve to try the new one despite Clooney and Soderbergh) the first and only movie I ever walked out of.
other terrible runners-up:
Rollerball (2002- worst remake ever)
Double Jeopardy, which is also the worst movie set in New Orleans. More condescending than The Big Easy. Dumber than anything Ed Wood ever did. A tragic waste of acting talent (Tommy Lee Jones).
Shakespeare in Love
Anything with zombies.
Used to be the film critic for my local paper. Free lance basis. They’d pay me just about enough to cover the cost of the ticket, and then they’d publish what I thought of the movie. Good times.
Anyway, I sat through a shit load of shit at times, doing that. I was bored, things were predictable, or they were stupid, or they were just plain unentertaining – but I really love movies, so I could usually find something, and if there was nothing to like and I knew I was going to trash it, then the thought of the deadline kept me there. I only ever walked out of a movie once. There was just one time when I couldn’t take it any longer, and I got up and walked out. The Cell. It starred Jennifer Lopez. It was awful. Walked into Autumn in New York, with Richard Gere and Winona Ryder, and that sucked too, but it seemed BRILLIANT compared to The Cell.
What was wrong with the original Solaris? That bit at the end was amazing.
For me, any Cheech and Chong. Just don’t get it.
The original Solaris is one of my favorite movies ever. I’ve never seen the remake and I don’t intend to.
Worst movies: 1)Blair Witch Project, 2) The remake of “Assault on Precinct 13” (John Carpenter should have sued them for that one), and any of the DaVinci Code movies
In the movie theater, probably Flash Gordon, the early 80s version. Ugh: eye stigmata.
Blair Witch 2— Hey, let’s get celebrated documentarian Joe Berlinger to helm the sequel to a wildly successful faux-documentary! But let’s drop the faux-documentary conceit and make a standard teensploitation flick!
As for the original BWP, which always pops up in threads like this, here’s the best review I’ve ever read of anything ever (and I think it was just a comment, not even a review proper): “It’s an imagination test, and if you thought it was stupid, you failed.”
I’ll never admit to seeing it – I’m usually rather picky about when I go to a theater. But the one time I went to a dollar theater and thought that I had been robbed:
Howard the Duck
Battlefield Earth takes it all. Eyes Wide Shut a close second. Manos the Hands of Fate is SO bad that it’s in a league all it’s own.
butbutbut manos had torgo. i found the MYSTIE beatniks? unbearable. but i gotta go with an obscure volleyball movie. strikers.
tho, that vegas movie with cameron diaz _ ashton kutcher was BAD BAD BAD. but i agree, eyes wide shut. heck. most of kubrick’s. thank god i saw 2001 a space odyssey on video.
Cherry 2000 with Melanie Griffith
Showgirls with Gina Gershon
Didn’t see them in a theater, rented them on VHS
The Black Hole. Suck-a-tronic.
Also, the spouse seconds the thumbs down on Cook, Thief, Wife & Lover.
Hands down, The Bonfire of the Vanities. I loved the book. I couldn’t watch the movie. I gave up after about 20 minutes.
That Star Wars movie with Jar Jar Binks.
Blair Witch Project was also stupid–what was all the hype about? I am easily terrified and I just thought it was pitiful.
Can’t even begin to say, if it is bad, I don’t care about ratings or recommendations, I just leave. I’ve left money with a date who wanted to stay so she could cab home. Life is way too short to watch a rotten movie.
Because so many of our friends had raved about it compared to its actual quality, I have to say thatSideways has been teh biggest suxx0r I’ve ever seen. Didn’t care one whit about the characters, and the whole thing was boring.
i won’t watch the oscars cause titanic won.
The George Clooney Solaris had a happy ending.
I walked away from Eraserhead. Does that count?
mebbe I should give Solaris another shot, just seemed deathly boring to me. and I was a Stanilaw Lem fan, so I went in with high expectations. then again, the Postman was a decent book by a great author too.
i won’t watch the oscars cause titanic won.
I was going to see it until some *sshole spoiled it by telling me the boat sank
Sideways really sucked, as did Titanic, anything with Tom Cruise in it and almost everything with John Travolta. On the other hand movies like Flash Gordon, Howard the Duck, etc., were never intended to make anyone’s top ten list. If you watch them with lowered expectations they can be enjoyable. What explains the popularity of The Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Don’t know the name of the flick as it was where I ended up bailing on a horror movie (which should’ve been a clue regarding how things would go in the relationship) but there is a truly horribly bad movie out there in which Don Johnson stages a shoot-em-up at an airplane junkyard that is epic fail on film.
Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man, maybe?
Easily the worst movie I’ve ever seen: “Cocktail” with Tom Cruise as a bartender. It also features the worst song ever to appear in a movie, “Kokomo” by the Beach Boys. Second place: “Vanilla Sky,” also starring Tom Cruise. I can’t describe the plot because it didn’t have one. Third, appropriately, is the third Star Wars prequel, “Revenge of the Sith,” which is also the most retarded movie ever because they simply ignore about 79 different plot points already established in the original trilogy. I think George Lucas fell and hit his head before he wrote this script.
Ewwww…Cocktail. If this was Family Feud I’d be shouting ‘Good answer! Good answer!’.
A decent sports/teen/mill town movie from WAY BACK is ‘All the Right Moves’ with Tom Cruise and Lea Thompson. It kinda sorta vaulted both into a position where they could make some truly awful movies.
Maybe it says something unsavory about me, but I was dragged to “Beaches” by my (then)wife and it struck me as the longest, stupidest movie possible under the laws of physics. Bad in a way that isn’t redeemable through irony or prurient (train-wreck rubbenecking) interest. But I didn’t walk out.
I was once at a screening of the infamous “Caligula” where more than half the audience walked out. I’ve never seen that in any other film. It was truly, truly awful, but in a totally fascinating way. I was still there for the “credits”.
whoopie boys was awful, but damned funny.
OH OH OH! that fucking movie with the office guy and mandie? moore and robin williams as this wedding priest. even if the pretend evil baby was funny. oh god. MEET THE INLAWS. what a waste of time! god. there are so many BAD MOVIES!
What hurts about “Species” is that there are some neat folks in the cast -Kingsley, Madsen, Whittaker, etc. Always harder to see bad movies with good people in them.
I will say, the first scene with Michelle Williams bat-outa-helling-it through the glass and out of the facility was fun.
For a fun/bad movie time, watch Ghosts of Mars. It’s good stuff.
Catherine, we went to see Species as a compromise movie between two other ones, and literally my words were, “Ben Kingsley’s in it, how bad can it be?”
BAD. Sir Ben needed to pay the rent, and Species is what resulted.
I still love Searching for Bobby Fischer, though. He breaks my fucking HEART in that.
Hard to say … last movie I remember walking out on was “Bridges Of Madison County” but I’m sure I hated a more recent film than that, I’ve just blocked it from my memory…
well, the one thing bad movies are good for is grist for the mill ofBetter Living Through Bad Movies of which several of the above listed make the cut
None of that crap was as bad as “The Real Macaw” with John Goodman as the voice of a wisecracking parrot. No way.
I wouldn’t say it’s the worst movie I’ve ever seen but I really hate Pretty Woman. Can’t change the channel fast enough.
Oh yeah, Pretty Woman. That movie was epic suck.
The worst movie ever?Dark Star, hands down. The second-worst movie ever? I dunno, I’m tied betweenKing Ralph, which made me, and the movie I refer to ever since having seen it asShitty of Angels. Boy, those were some stinky loads of celluloid crap.
The worst movie ever? Dark Star, hands down.
Taste is subjective, but you’re still wrong wrong wrong.
Athenae: “Searching for Bobby Fischer” is definitely one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time. Ben, Joe Mantegna, Lawrence fuckin’ Fishburne, Joan Allen…it just doesn’t get any better. I can watch that movie straight thru 100 times. Another favorite is “The Commitments,” but I can only watch it after the kids are asleep because of the 67,000 F-bombs those Irish kids throw down!
Must agree with Vanilla Sky on the worst ever list, closely followed by The Patriot (or BravePatriot, as I call it), and Titanic. I don’t usually include B-movies on my list, because you *expect* them to be bad, so you’ll suffer through a lot. But those three were all supposed to be good, and all three managed to leave me walking out wanting to punch somebody in the face. Also up there is that godawful Mel Gibson one where half his face is messed up (which is, oddly enough, all I remember about that AND Vanilla Sky).
I hated the story of Eyes Wide Shut, but that movie was gorgeous.
And Sandman, I quote The Commitments all the time. “And And Fookin And?!?!”
BQ: Derek—”Where d’y’think we should put the exclamation point? D’y’think we should put it at the end?” Jimmy—”I think you should put it up his arse!”
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