Guns + Penises + Anti-Recall Measures = JOBS!

In his inaugural address, Governor Deadeyes repeated to the point of laughability that Wisconsin was “open for business.” The importance of jobs could not be understated. In fact, if you played a drinking game with his speeches, you’d be better off taking “times Walker is on camera” than “jobs” for your drinking cue.

In calling a special session of the legislature, Walker promised that he would “focus like a laser” on jobs. Apparently, lasers must first do other things before they can hit that jobs target.

Over the past few months, the legislature, which is controlled by Walker’s own party, has taken on a number of bills, none of which has anything to do with jobs.

Republicans have attempted to protect GOP targets from recallby trying to use the newer, more Republican-friendly redistricting lines.

They tried to make it harder for people to recall state officialsby proposing a bill that required all recall petitions be notarized.

They put teachers’ jobs in the hands of disaffected youth, by allowing for the use of standardized tests to help decide whether to discipline or fire teachers.(Did anyone ever take those tests seriously? I never did. Tried making patterns out of the dots a couple years in a row. Went from idiot to genius to idiot. I was then found out and my parents nearly throttled me.)

The senate passed a bill that demanded teachers in public schoolspromote marriage and teach abstinence-only efforts in sex-ed classes. (Question: What happens to the gay kids in the class who are told that marriage is important but can’t marry under our current law? Answer:They need to be less gay. Duh.)

They made a run at capping attorney fees in consumer litigation.Of course, it took the good folks at the Journal-Sentinel to point out that the representative who proposed the bill is actually on the “pay up” end of the stick in just such a claim.

In an effort of bipartisanship, the Assembly pushed forth a bill that would expand the rights of homeowners to kill people. (Because, hey, if we can’t get together on our right to bust a cap in someone’s ass, what has this country come to?)

This list could go on and on of “jobs-free” job-creation bills, but the most laughable one requires special attention. The Assembly debated for more than nine hours, deep into the night, over a contentious amendment that would remove race as a consideration for a college grant program.

The problem?The state’s Higher Educational Aids Board stopped using race as such a factor about a year ago.

In other words, our legislature is wasting time arguing about something that doesn’t exist. And, to be fair, this amendment was proposed by Peggy Krusick, a Democrat, which goes to show that stupidity has no party affiliation in many cases.

Jobs have become for Walker what terrorism was for Bush: the brush-back pitch he throws at anyone who questions anything he’s doing.

Want to destroy unions? Hey, it’ll create jobs!

Want people to get angry at state workers? Those guys have cushy jobs!

Want to get kids to stop fucking? It’s about jobs! Hand… blow… rim… et cetera.

However, job creation has to be more than a sleight of hand, a statistical maneuver and a bumper-sticker slogan. People need to go to work. They need to make real money. They need to start picking themselves off the ground again as they begin to rebuild their shattered lives.

People elected you, Scott Walker, because… Hell, I don’t know… Why the hell did they elect you? I could ponder this for days…

Anyway, when you stood up and yelled about Wisconsin being “open for business,” people seemed to like it. They gave you the benefit of the doubt about your desire to see this state chip away a the unemployment rate. When you said everyone needed to focus like a laser on jobs, people seemed to like that too.

So worry less about keeping your job and start doing your job. Don’t worry about who can shoot what at whom, whether they’re packing a .44 Magnum or a Magnum condom. Stop thinking about whether some lawyer or a black kid is getting too much money.

Find that laser and aim better.

4 thoughts on “Guns + Penises + Anti-Recall Measures = JOBS!

  1. Remember, Walker is following the Perry plan. Everything is about jobs. Shutting down higher education research and trying to run universities like corporations? JOBS! Trying to throw out tenure and promotion policies and let student evaluations decide faculty retention? JOBS! More guns? JOBS! Laying off public school teachers by the thousands? JOBS!

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