You’re magically made president of the United States. What’s the first thing you do?
Realistically I would order whatever critter is the Attorney General to prepare indictments of everyone involved in planning the Iraq War, but first I’d really like to issue an executive order to force everyone on the planet to make their house numbers be visible from the street. Be, like, ten feet high in neon, actually. I spend half my life driving around in the fucking dark trying to figure out if X is the house I want or if somebody in there is going to call the cops because I keep stalking their driveway. Drives me goddamn wild.