Flags I by Jasper Johns, 1973.

I keep dating myself (I kiss and tell too) on this blog but I do it for a good cause. I remember when ABC News launched a late night newscast after bored students stormed the US Embassy in Tehran and took a bunch of hostages to avoid studying for finals. The show was originally called America Held Hostage before morphing into Nightline, which is apparently still airing but I haven’t seen it in eons. A late night network news show is now kinda quaint but it was cutting edge in 1979.

We’re in the second day of House Gopers holding the economy and guvmint hostage. Apparently, they were all likkered up on Monday night, which could explain why they did something that’s going to blow up in their collective faces. Many bad decisions in life are fueled by alcohol; especially vodka, which always gives me a hangover but that’s neither here not there. Actually, I get a hangover if I’m in the same room as vodka, which means I stay away from bibulous Russians. Sorry Vlad. I stick to whiskey and rum when it comes to spirits and beer when it doesn’t. You probably don’t care about this but I suspect Jude does…

Hopefully, this hostage crisis won’t last 444 days like the Iran one did, but if a movie is made of this blog feature, I want Steve Martin to play me. Once upon a time, I was told I looked like him. I never saw it myself (other than the hilariously funny part) but it’s too cliched,as well as wildly inaccurate, to cast George Clooney and I’ll pass on Ben Affleck and the beard he wore in Argo. Of course, I’d rather cast Ben than my countrymen Michael Chiklis or Zach Galifinakis. On my worst day, I was never as hairy as Zach or as bald as Michael…

I’d like to dedicate this song to House Republicans and the gynormous hangover they’re about to give the country:

To paraphrase Walter Cronkite: And that’s the way it is, Wednesday October 2, 2013, the second day Americans have been held hostage by crazed members of the Me Party.