The Malakatude Files

The “the world is my living room” trend has just exploded in Sweden:

Slightly inconveniently, society is often divided over what counts as
acceptable behaviour in public. Eating in the street, for instance: I
found to my dismay that this is considered rude in polite (southern
English) society while wrestling a Greggs cheese pasty into my mouth on a
London high street in front a horrified university course-mate, circa
2007. Doing your makeup: another activity I didn’t know was frowned upon
in communal areas, until I was enlightened by Celia Walden’s Telegraph article on the matter (in which she described the very idea of a woman dolling up on the train as “mesmerisingly awful”.)

I dread to think what the hyperbolic Walden, who suggested a complete “ban on public grooming”, would have to say about a Swedish court’s recent decision
that it is “OK” (the technical term, from a court prosecutor) that a
man masturbated on a crowded beach because he wasn’t aiming his lust at
one particular person. I bet she’d renege upon her statement that “there
is nothing more indecent than a half made-up face” pretty fast. Try a
middle-aged man pleasuring himself over a freshly built sandcastle,
Cece. Lipstick doesn’t look so bad now, does it?

That image is now burned (seared?) into my memory, so I thought I’d share my gobsmakatude over this malakatude. I’ve gotta say that this makes people who tweet, talk, and text during movies look like disciples of Miss Manners. And, yes, Holly Baxter’s piece goes on to discuss Paul Rubens’ public pulling on his Pee Wee but I’m not going there. Oops, I just did.

That is all.

3 thoughts on “The Malakatude Files

  1. adrastos says:

    The Swedish wanker and the judge. Eww.

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  2. The Malakatude Files – FIRST DRAFT

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  3. mothra says:

    I don’t get it–whose the malaka–the wanker in Sweden or the Guardian columnist?
    Re: Paul Rubens, I always thought he got a bum rap in that whole thing. I mean, aren’t people SUPPOSED to be wanking in adult movie theatres?

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