I don’t get the popularity of Duck Dynasty. I’ve watched it a few times and have gotten bored so I asked myself why the duck am I watching this and stopped. I do, however, know people who like it, and I’m tolerant of their enjoyment of a bunch of rich dudes in ZZ Top beards reading lines some hack writer has handed them. It’s what passes for reality teevee in 2013. I remain intolerant of people who say stupid shit and lecture others about sin and morality and that’s why camo-wearing, biblethumping Phil Roberston is malaka of the week.

For some reason, Robertson let snarkmeister Drew Magary follow him around and write a profile for GQ entitled What the Duck? A good alternative title might have been Why A Duck, which is a Chico Marx line from Duck Soup but I digress. Anyway, it’s no mystery that Duck Dynasty plays best in the red state/hookworm belt and that Phil Robertson is a right winger but being a homophobic bigot isn’t good for your Q Score.Here are some quotes I cribbed from a Yahoo News account of Robertson’s malakatude

Speaking with GQ, Robertson lamented that when “everything is blurred on what’s right and what’s wrong … sin becomes fine.” So just what qualifies as sinful in his book?

“Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there — bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men,” he declared.

Phil probably should have cut himself off at this point, but instead he paraphrased Corinthians. “Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers — they won’t inherit the kingdom of God,” he warned. “Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”

What’s more, according to him, it’s basically incomprehensible. “It seems to me, a vagina — as a man — would be more desirable than a man’s anus,” he explained. “That’s just me. I’m just thinking, ‘There’s more there! She’s got more to offer.’ I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

Sexuality is definitely NOT logical and neither is Phil Robertson. Has he never read any of Drew Magary’s work? Magary is a walking gotcha question, if that makes any sense. These damn fool quotes also clarify why Duck Dynasty is scripted: homophobia is increasingly unacceptable except apparently among rich guys with long hair, unkempt beards, and no fashion sense. 40 years ago a guy who looked like Phil Robertson would have gotten his ass kicked in Monroe, LA (pronounced Mun-row for some reason) for being a hippie beardo. I guess that means there’s been some progress up in North Louisiana but not when it comes to “sin.”

Duck Dynasty bills itself as harmless fun for the whole family. That’s why Robertson’s letting his bigot flag fly is such a stupid thing to do. Every time an entertainer says something controversial they pay a price with some segment of their audience. A lot of those folks who’ve never tooted a duck call, toted a shotgun, or grown a long raggedy beard are going to be put off by Robertson’s egregious malakatude and that’s why Phil Roberston is malaka of the week.

I cannot wait until Morrissey chimes in on this…