Inspired somewhat by my own 3 a.m. TV viewings these days — in which yesterday I watched Something to Talk About even though I’ve seen it six times and it keeps getting worse, like am I really supposed to be rooting for this regressive douchebag to win his goddamn horse race and I kind of am because it’s Robert Duvall — what’s a bad movie you can’t help but watch every time you find it?
(I am like this with The Replacements, that Keanu Reeves football movie, too. “Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lives forever.”)
A.
Those god awful romantic movies on the Hallmark Movie Channel. I think it’s a brain disease or something.
Too many to count. Still, when “Time Cop” with JCVD shows up on my screen, I am suddenly distracted to the point of failing at everything else.
I also have “portal-sucking” moments for certain parts of “The Last Starfighter,” “Another 48 Hours,” “Dodgeball” and “Hot Tub Time Machine.” I don’t know why…
“Point Of No Return” is a shimmering pinnacle of junk action moviemaking. Bridget Fonda as a primitive criminal (?) plucked out of the execution chamber by a clandestine U.S. government program because she has been judged to have just the right skills to be a super-assassin! It’s an remake of “La Femme Nikita,” and a delightfully corny one. It’s wonderful to watch scrawny Bridget kick the asses of brawny prison guards and henchmen, because she’s unhinged or something. Oh yeah, and the program director falls in love with her, and she sure does look terrific in that cocktail dress as she screws the silencer on that powerful handgun!
Soylent Green…honorable mention, Dirty Harry. Both are, to quote the late, great Bill Hicks, like a toothache you can’t stop touching.
FSM help me: “Red Dawn.”
If you get netflix or appletv i Highly reccomend the adorable movie “in a world” about a girl trying to break into the voice over business. I thought it would be a one joke mivie but it is an absolute gem. We kept turning to each other and saying ” i love this movie!”
“Tommy Boy” is a terrible and yet somehow eminently rewatchable movie.
I had this idea way back when for a ‘discussion question such as this one: What’s the worst movie that keeps getting played on TV? And you could assign ‘badness points’ to a movie that accumulate every time the movie shows.
Now that is a different question than “what is the worst movie ever on TV?” Sure, ‘Plan 9 From Outer Space’ (for example) is awful, and would be worth a LOT of badness points, but how often does it get shown?
So if there’s a movie that is only one-tenth the badness points of ‘Plan 9’, but gets shown twenty times as often, then it beats ‘Plan 9’ easily.
The idea occurred to me back when USA Network had Patrick Swayze and “Road House” playing on an endless loop. A pretty darn bad movie that got shown A LOT, racking up TONS of badness points.
Back then, “Road House” would have been my nominee. Now? I guess I sleep better than I used to…
A long time ago when my 15 year-old son was an infant, I got hooked on not a movie, but Stargate SG-1. So, it’s not *bad*, but those early seasons weren’t “good” either.
Aimee, we watched that just last night – had been waiting for it to become available on the AppleTV. It is a charming little movie.
Pretty Woman. So many things wrong with that movie, but I end up sucked in. Bad Boys. Can’t tell you how much I love that movie, even though it is really bad.
I cannot hide my shame that Sweet Home Alabama may be the winner here. I am not violent but when the main character says that no one talks about her mamma and punches the mayor of New York, I can relate. Actually, I can relate to far more of that movie than I care to admit.
doesn’t caddyshack rule this? highlander, FLASH GORDON(made TED awesome), now, if only cable would play the Whoopie Boys again. trading places.
BTW:
“Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lives forever.” – Replacements, the year 2000
“Bones heal, chicks dig scars, and the United States of America has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world!” – Simpsons, Season 2 episode 8, “Bart The Daredevil”, 1990
Air Force One (hangs head in shame).
Sink the Bismark – I’m a sucker for melodrama. It’s my watch when sick movie.
Con Air.
Every. Frakking. Time
Glen or Glenda. Ed Wood’s semi-autobiographical tale of a man who loves argyle sweaters. You must pull the string.
Best bad movie ever? That’s easy—”The Fifth Element”! Crazy French director, Bruce Willis playing tough, Milla Jovovich playing alien goddess, Gary Oldman playing psychotic villain, and Chris Tucker playing…well, Chris Tucker. Throw in a completely incoherent plot, cheesy special effects, then add multiple explosions, and voila! It’s craptastic!
Dirty Dancing. Coyote Ugly.