PBJ Unbuckles The Bible Belt

jindalprayer_150124_0014_RMay.23305

Bobby Jindal’s deeply silly attempt to transform his image from dorky butt ugly technocrat to manly butt ugly culture warrior continues. He tried out a new-ish look at last weekend’s Hate Group Prayerpalooza in Red Stick. Note the cowboy boots, tight jeans and Garth Brooks type headset. The only thing missing is a ten gallon hat to complete his transformation into a Bollywood shitkicker.  But don’t call him that because he’s ashamed of his Indian heritage and/or doesn’t want to be a so-called “hyphenated American.” I don’t get it. There’s *nothing* wrong with being proud of your ethnic heritage. It’s the American way. It worked for Jack Kennedy. Insert obligatory Bentsen-Quayle debate reference. Of course, it didn’t work for my countryman, Michael Dukakis.

One thing I neglected to comment upon in my fashion narrative was PBJ’s honking, big-ass belt buckle. Here’s how my pal Lamar White Jr described it in his Hate Group Prayerpalooza post:

“That belt buckle!” Robin exclaimed. “Did you see that belt buckle?”

We had spent the last several hours inside of LSU’s Pete Maravich Assembly Center observing Gov. Bobby Jindal’s controversial prayer rally, four of us huddled behind a fold-out table reserved for members of the press. “It said, ‘Governor Bobby Jindal, State of Louisiana,’ and it had a fleur-de-lis in the middle.

Instant disclaimer. The exclamation points are Lamar’s doing. As you know by now,  homey don’t play that.

Back to PBJ’s fake  Dick Duck Dynasty makeover. If it walks like a dork and it quacks like a dork, it’s a dork and PBJ is a dork. He’d be better advised to wear nice suits and look Presidential instead of like a cut-rate country singer. If he’s going to do that, he should go all the and way and get a Nudie style stage suit with rhinestones and shit. If I were Michael F, I’d insert a photoshopped image of PBJ’s head on Elvis’ body but I’m not so I won’t. He oughta consider it though.

Lamar wasn’t the only young Louisiana liberal gun at the PBJ Corral, Zack Kopplin accompanied Lamar and filed his own fine report at Slate. Just think, I knew those boys when they were tadpoles, now they’re full fledged horned frogs only neither of them went to TCU, but I wanted to carry on the frog theme without slurring the French.

The good news is that PBJ’s Folly laid an egg at the box office: only some 3K people showed up to bible thump, roll on the floor, gay bash, and speak in tongues. Perhaps they were scared away by PBJ’s honking belt buckle, which strikes me as a form of penis envy but that could be the result of spending so much time around the penisy Krewe du Vieux floats of late. Here’s the Krewe of Drips and Discharges’ classic skating dick from last year:

photo (7)

I took that pre-parade picture myself so it’s kind of crappy but it captures the grandeur that is Krewe du Vieux.

Back to PBJ’s new sartorial style. It gives a whole new meaning to the term unbuckling the bible belt…

All this talk of rhinestone Nudie suits has given me an earworm, so I’ll give Glen Campbell the last word:

 

3 thoughts on “PBJ Unbuckles The Bible Belt

  1. mmferry1965 says:

    Ha, when I clicked on the Nudie Suit link — strictly for edification, mind you — my initial reaction was PBJ as PWW — Porter Wayne Wagoner..take a look

    But, after reading his bio, I think associating him with PBJ would be…unfair. After all, Wagoner introduced the world to Dolly Parton, and Wikipedia says he once brought James Brown to the Grand Old Opry.

    Back to Booby– Mama, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Wingnuts…

    And for Messrs. Koppin and White…the kids are alright…

    Like

  2. mellowjohn says:

    is there something foreign in his left pants pocket or is he just happy to see us?

    Like

  3. BlackSheep1 says:

    OMG, peanut-butter ostrich ropers. Gah. Could there be a bigger faux fashion????

    Like

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