Timing is everything in both life and politics. In 2012 and 2013, Chris Christie was on top of the world. GOP fat cats were begging him to save the party from Willard Mittbot Romney and sure defeat in 2012. Thinking Obama would win, he passed. In 2013, he was the GOP frontrunner for 2016 and won a landslide re-election victory. Times have changed: Christie is the second least popular Governor in the country; second only to his fellow delusional Presidential candidate, Bobby Jindal of #AskBobby fame.
Like PBJ, Governor Asshole seems absolutely convinced that he’ll be taking the oath of office on 1/20/17. He’s ignoring his fundraising problems, vengeful Romneyites throwing monkey wrenches under his listing bandwagon, and indicted associates making news. Then there’s Donald Trump who’s occupying his space as a blunt Northeastern blowhard. Nothing but hard times ahead for Chris Christie.
Christie’s only hope is to make the GOP teevee debates, take out Trump, and perform a nutectomy on Jeb Bush. That’s a long shot, and so is he.
The Christie campaign rolled out a slogan: the candidate who will tell it like it is. I guess he’s planning to use this as his theme song until Aaron tells him to pull it:
I’m not the only one who thinks that this is a big fat lie. Tom Moran is the editorial page editor of the Newark Star-Ledger. He thought that the most important thing people outside Jersey needed to know is that Chris Christie lies:
Most Americans don’t know Chris Christie like I do, so it’s only natural to wonder what testimony I might offer after covering his every move for the last 14 years.
Is it his raw political talent? No, they can see that.
Is it his measurable failure to fix the economy, solve the budget crisis or even repair the crumbling bridges? No, his opponents will cover that if he ever gets traction.
If you have the stomach for it, this column offers some greatest hits in Christie’s catalog of lies.
Don’t misunderstand me. They all lie, and I get that. But Christie does it with such audacity, and such frequency, that he stands out.
He’s been lying on steroids lately, on core issues like Bridgegate, guns and that cozy personal friendship with his buddy, the King of Jordan. I’ll get to all that.
Webster’s defines lie this way: “To make an untrue statement with intent to deceive.” That fits neatly.
And that’s my warning to America. When Christie picks up the microphone, he speaks so clearly and forcefully that you assume genuine conviction is behind it.
Be careful, though. It’s a kind of spell.
He is a remarkable talent with a silver tongue. But if you look closely, you can see that it is forked like a serpent’s.
And you thought I was mean to politicians. That last sentence takes a very sharp knife and twists it before allowing Gov. Asshole’s body to drop to the floor with a loud, resounding thump.
In the same spirit as Tom Moran’s deliciously nasty column, I’d like to suggest a theme song for the Christie campaign. It’s written by some damn limousine liberals but they might allow its use because they, too, know Chris Christie can’t hide his lyin’ eyes: