I have long used the Three Stooges as archetypes for male behavior, especially of the dumbass variety. Most men are either Moes, Larrys, or Curlys. I am none of the above. I’m on the Shempish side at times but never, ever Curly Joe or, heaven forfend, Joe De Rita.

In case you don’t know your Stoogeology: Moe was the ego, Curly the id, Larry the doormat with Shemp being somewhere between Curly and Moe. Donald Trump is 100% pure-D Moe. Billy Bush is just as obviously a nebbishy Larry destined to have his eyes repeatedly poked by Moe. Btw. Howard Stern is a shaggy Curly. I thought it was important to add that. Why? I’ll never know since he wasn’t one of the boys on the bus or is that in the locker room? We’ll have to confer with Rudy who’s also a Moe whereas Newt is a Curly. I could do this for hours but I won’t. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

The Insult Comedian’s essential Moe-ness made Melania Trump’s explanation to Anderson Cooper of the grab them by the Billy Bush tape even more hilarious:

Cooper asked Trump what she thought the first time she heard the now-infamous tape, and she said that she let her husband know that his comments were not okay with her.

“I said to my husband that, you know, the language was inappropriate. It’s not acceptable,” she said. “And I was surprised, because that is not the man that I know.”

She went on, though, to question whether Donald Trump knew he was being recorded and whether Bush goaded him into what she characterized as “boy talk.”

“Ss you can see from the tape, the cameras were not on, it was only a mic,” she said. “And I wonder if they even knew that the mic was on, because they were kind of boy talk, and he was egged on by the host to say dirty and bad stuff.”

“You feel the host, Billy Bush, was egging him on?” Cooper clarified.

“Yes,” she replied.

In a word: preposterous,  ludicrous,  ridiculous. I know that’s three but this is a Stooge-based post, for fuck’s sake. Moe Trump is a leader/instigator: a writer of he-man crime fiction would call him a swinging dick. In contrast, Larry Bush is a lickspittle, a cackling hyena thrilled to be in the company of a Moe. Hell, Billy Bush even has Larry-hair.

There’s no way a Larry could ever dominate a Moe and it didn’t happen in this instance either. If Melania Trump really thinks it did, she should plan to go on Dancing with the Stars after her husband loses and do the Curly Shuffle: