For the “cleanest man in America” Donald Trump sure has a lot of lawyers. They keep popping up like kudzu, making extreme statements and preposterous arguments from which they should shy away but Trump’s shysters are unshy. Word Press is convinced that’s not a word but Merriam-Webster begs to differ. I’m not gunshy about using unshy. If Word Press continues to object, I’ll cross that abridge when I get to it. It’s clearly over troubled waters…

Team Trump’s shyster’s arguments have become increasingly unhinged as they continue to lose cases. Even some Trump judicial appointees have expressed outrage over this abuse of the legal process. Judges have the temerity to expect evidence in their court rooms. Evidence? What the hell is that?

I keep waiting for someone to make this pun: they’re flipping their Wigmores over the paucity of proof. Here’s a visual cue to explain that pun:

Rumor has it that John Henry Wigmore had a mighty hammer. I seem to have woken up on the punny side of the bed this morning. Insomnia makes me punchy, what can I tell ya?

The craziest thing said by a Trump shyster was this gem from former US Attorney and Fox News personality, Joe di Genova about Chris Krebs:

The former DHS official, diGenova said, is “a class-A moron” who “should be drawn and quartered, taken out at dawn and shot.”

Say it ain’t so, Joe. This could get you sued, disbarred, or banned from the baseball hall of fame.

A Joe-less Say It Ain’t So is also the title of a swell Weezer tune:

If you didn’t get the baseball history reference, it’s about this guy:

Where was I? Lost in a field of dreams, puns, and obscure references. Pardon me for that lapse. Perhaps I should ask the Impeached Insult Comedian. He seems to be in a pardoning mood.

Speaking of pardons, the Failing New York Times reported:

President Trump has discussed with advisers whether to grant pre-emptive pardons to his children, to his son-in-law and to his personal lawyer Rudolph W. Giuliani, and talked with Mr. Giuliani about pardoning him as recently as last week, according to two people briefed on the matter.

Mr. Trump has told others that he is concerned that a Biden Justice Department might seek retribution against the president by targeting the oldest three of his five children — Donald Trump Jr., Eric Trump and Ivanka Trump — as well as Ms. Trump’s husband, Jared Kushner, a White House senior adviser.

Projection thy name is President* Pennywise. That’s something he would do but not Joe Biden. He’s said repeatedly that he will not involve himself in DOJ business. A lesser man would want vengeance over the endless Hunter Biden smears, but this Joe says it ain’t so. But investigations by other arms of the DOJ seem likely. Come on down, Sovereign District of New York.

The Impeached Insult Comedian does not seem to understand that a pardon is an admission of guilt. If they ever appear in federal court, his chirren and Rudy might be required to allocute as to the nature of their pardonable offenses. That’s a cute way of saying that they can’t take the Fifth. In any event, a presidential* pardon doesn’t cover state crimes and the Manhattan DA’s office is Trump hunting. Stay tuned.

I’m not going to touch the idea of a presidential* self-pardon. I think it would fail a legal test, especially given the “quality” of Trump’s unshy shysters. I still think a resign and pardon scenario is more likely. For the petty Trumpers, it would have the virtue of making Mike Pence the 46th president and mess up all the 46 Joe memes out there:

It’s okay 47 rhymes with heaven. I’m in heaven when I dance cheek to cheek with the promise of the Biden administration.

Finally, the Kaiser of Chaos is so enraged by Bill Barr’s admission that there was no widespread election fraud that he may fire his ass. That would be good news for fans of the Trump-Hitler Barr-Goering analogy. Goering was fired by Hitler as he skulked in his bunker at the end of World War II. I’m too lazy to look into whether there’s a Trump-Barr Downfall video but I have this swell side-by-side picture of Wilhelm und Hermann:

I can’t let those two creeps have the last word. Instead, we should “talk to the lawyer, professional liar” as well as David Lindley and El Rayo-X: