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Columnwhoring: Election-Year Resolutions

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3. Avoid entirely any mention of various candidates’ sex lives.

Mostly so as to avoid having to dip my brain in bleach.

I know there are people out there who find Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney physically attractive, but I’m not one of them, and if I have to ponder too much on the conduct of their privates, I might go blind.

Unless the candidate’s diddling ended up on the public dime (as it did with Rudy Giuliani, who used taxpayer money to pay a cop to chauffer his mistress around), I say find yourself a fellow consenting adult and do what you like, and allow for the same in others. Preferably out of earshot. In the dark.

A.

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