Columnwhoring: Election-Year Resolutions


3. Avoid entirely any mention of various candidates’ sex lives.

Mostly so as to avoid having to dip my brain in bleach.

I know there are people out there who find Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney physically attractive, but I’m not one of them, and if I have to ponder too much on the conduct of their privates, I might go blind.

Unless the candidate’s diddling ended up on the public dime (as it did with Rudy Giuliani, who used taxpayer money to pay a cop to chauffer his mistress around), I say find yourself a fellow consenting adult and do what you like, and allow for the same in others. Preferably out of earshot. In the dark.


3 thoughts on “Columnwhoring: Election-Year Resolutions

  1. Nicely done, my dear. The electability one particularly pleased me. It’s such a damnably circular argument. How will we know if a candidate’s electable? If they get elected. How do they get elected? By claiming they’re electable. Round and round we go, and pretty soon somebody’s going to upchuck their SnoCone all over somebody else’s cotton candy.
    Stop the madness.

  2. And Please have the sex thing work both ways. I’m tired of hearing about Hillary’s fashion ensemble. 😉

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