Monthly Archives: December 2008

You Are From Uranus

Dennis Prager doesn’t like women, sure, we knew that. But it turns out he doesn’t like men all that much either:

If most women wait until they are in the mood before making love with
their husband, many women will be waiting a month or more until they
next have sex. When most women are young, and for some older women,
spontaneously getting in the mood to have sex with the man they love
can easily occur. But for most women, for myriad reasons — female
nature, childhood trauma, not feeling sexy, being preoccupied with some
problem, fatigue after a day with the children and/or other work, just
not being interested — there is little comparable to a man’s “out of
nowhere,” and seemingly constant, desire for sex.

Because while everything he’s saying is wrong and repulsive and indicative of misogyny and whatnot, what I can’t get past is the assumptions. Men want sex all the time. Men are their cocks. Men are like dogs humping on a leg. Men can’t see a pair of boobies, even in a turtleneck, and not jump out of their chairs and go fuck something, anything, a woman, a man, a sheep, a Dixie cup, a stuffed animal, what have you. Men can’t see a woman of any kind without thinking of her naked, even if she’s not attractive to them. Men are animals. Men have urges and those urges are constant and all-consuming.

(Seriously, guys, how do you build buildings and dig ditches and cure diseases, what with all this going on? I mean there’s chicks EVERYWHERE, walking around with tits, how the hell do you concentrate?)

We girls, on the other hand, don’t like sex. Except occasionally. On our birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Sweetest Day, Mother’s Day, when you bring us flowers or chocolate, when we’ve eaten chocolate, or after watching That Scene in Casino Royale six or seven times. Even then, we don’t really want sex. We’d rather have a Journey pendant from Jared. We don’t think of men as sex objects. We think of you as puppies, whose fur we’d like to brush. As such, sex is something we do to keep you happy, but we don’t need it for ourselves. It’s a favor. Occasionally we condescend to be your receptacles.

The discussion in Jesse’s comments goes off down the rabbit hole of the merits of faking, faking till you make, making, and the critical difference between me taking your phone call when I’d just as soon be left alone and having you stick your dick in me when I don’t want you to, the former being something I do to be nice and the latter being rape. What I’m stuck on is how aggressively dumb it is to trumpet male privilege when you really doesn’t seem to like men all that much. Because make no mistake, telling men that the ideal to which they can aspire is not a sex partner but a sex slave is to be reductive and cruel, andstupid into the bargain, and tell guys they’re nothing and deserve nothing.

Nothing but some girl who’s gonna put up with you, even if she doesn’t feel like it that night.

A.

Inaugural Schedule

Here.

I’m going to be (I can’t believe this) out of the country while this is going on, taking a long-planned trip that would have been a much-needed escape had the election gone the other way. However, I think with a guest driver or two, the Crack Van can be aired out and prepped for service so that you can all celebrate in style.

And wave goodbye to the Usurper as he flees the White House in disgrace.

A.

LURK MOAR

Dick. Diiiiiiiiiick.

Usually what I object to with jackholes like this is the “hey, I meant it as a joke, gosh, you’re just so humorless” dodge they pull when called out on their jackholery. This guy makes it an art form, and yeah, he may be well within his rights, but to cloak your desire to be a chewy little frat fuck for the rest of your life in canting about free speech and how man, the terms of service say you shouldn’t be abusive, and words can hurt, kids, so play nice, is really above and beyond.

Anybody with even a passing familiarity with alt.shitheads back in the bad old days of the Internet, much less a passing familiarity with the Internet now, much less a passing familiarity withhumans, could not credibly say that anything BUT this would be happening.

I mean, really. Since people could carve slashes and arrows into stone they were putting up anonymous shit about each other. The only thing the Internet did was make such postings global. This is basic human nature stuff here. We’re pricks, a lot of the time. We say crap online and we whisper behind people’s backs and since the beginning of time this has been true. So you can’t start something like this and then be all OMG BEN FRANKLIN INTENDED FOR ME TO DO THIS WHEN HE INVENTED ELECTRICITY I NEVER THOUGHT PEOPLE WOULD BE SO MEEEEEEEN!!1!

A.

Forget Jesus. What Would You Do?

‘To the bitter end.’

I had this conversation once with my mother, about why “those people” can’t stop killing each other. If someone killed me, I asked her, would you forgive him?

No, she said.

Never?

Never.

Why do they hate us? Why do they hate each other? Why do we hate each other? If someone killed you, would I forgive him? No, no, never, never. The point isn’t who’s right and who’s wrong, the point isn’t even in the neighborhood of who started it, either, so the arguments about provocation and response are pointless. What would you do, someone killed your children? Your friends? Your neighbors? Your family? What would you do to him? To his children? To his friends? To his neighbors? To his family? This is the oldest story there is, and it isn’t a foreign one, no matter what the names on the news tell us. We have our blood feuds here, too. What would you do? If you say you know, you’re a liar.

This piece argues Israel and Palestine can’t solve this on their own. I’d go further, spin it out to its end: Nobody can solve this on their own. Don’t look at what’s happening there and say it’s particular to there, don’t stop yourself from considering it as if in the mirror. They aren’t them. We aren’t us. It’s all one thing.

Be honest. I’ll start. There are things about which I am not rational. There are matters on
which you can argue until you are blue in the face with me and you will
get nowhere becauseshut up, that’s my family you’re talking about, somebody who sat at my dinner table and fought my fight and fuck you,
basically, you might be right but you might as well be talking to a
wall. Those things I’m not rational about, it would take somebody
physically shoving me backward, chaining me up, to get me to stop. It
would take someone convincing me that I couldn’t be the one convincing
others, and that would be hard, but it would need to be done.

What
would you do? The lure of history and family and loyalty, what would
you if it was you? Would you forgive? No, my mother said, never. Multiply by thousands and you have a war. Multiply by millions and you have the human race, loving one’s enemies be damned. We say there’s a we and a they and an us and a them? How dare we? When we casually declare every day that you ruin the life of somebody I love and I’ll spend the rest of my life ruining the rest of yours, is it any more civilized we do it with economics instead of with rockets? Are we really so different, over here?

I’m barely talking about Israel and Palestine, is that making sense?
I’m talking about how we as Americans watch this shit on the evening
news and think to ourselves, “Why can’t those people stop killing each
other?” Why don’t they just nuke each other into oblivion? Why don’t we
let them? Hell, why don’t we help? I’m talking about how we look at
this, how we separate it.

How we say we know what we’d do.

How we lie.

A.

Here’s Another Way To Go

This popped up on Romenesko before the holiday slump began, and I bookmarked it back then:

“Why would I put anything on the Web?” asked Dan Jacobson, the
publisher and owner of the newspaper. “I don’t understand how putting
content on the Web would do anything but help destroy our paper. Why
should we give our readers any incentive whatsoever to not look at our
content along with our advertisements, a large number of which are
beautiful and cheap full-page ads?”

Other
publications much larger than TriCityNews have been wondering about
pumping resources into a medium that does not seem to show a promise of
returns any time soon.

Writing in TheNew York Observer,
John Koblin pointed out that when Forbes, Portfolio and Fortune went
through recent retrenchments, the Web staffs were hit the hardest. That
may be just an old print reflex, but there is a rational argument to be
made that the part of the apparatus that has a working business model,
declining or not, should receive the resources.

At a time when Web entrepreneurs like Nick Denton ofGawker Media
are predicting a 40 percent decline in Web display advertising, it’s
probably not a great time to be indexing into the Web either.

And
there are signs that the free ride for consumers may be coming to an
end. I started getting notices to renew my subscription to The Wall
Street Journal and its Web site and waited, as I have in the past, for
the deeply discounted offer. It never came. And according to company
statements in October, paid subscriptions for The Journal’s Web site
were up more than 7 percent from a year ago.

A few caveats
before we turn back the clock on publishing history. TriCityNews
employs 3.5 people (the half-time employee handles circulation), has a
print run of 10,000, and has a top line that can be written in six
figures.Still, by setting rates low almost 10 years ago and never
raising them or offering a Web option, Mr. Jacobson has built a
reliable cadre of advertisers who call for ads, sign up for full pages,
and pay in advance. There are no people working for sales commissions.
[Emphasis mine]

Editorially,
the newspaper is boosterish — “we want people to think of Asbury Park
as the center of the universe,” he said — with notes of skepticism
typical of alternative weeklies. There are six columnists in addition
to the full-time staff, and they write with a mix of attitude and
reporting that Mr. Jacobson describes as a “plog,” a blog on paper.

First, on the “boosterish” note, a newspaper that doesn’t bleed love for its environment is a shitty newspaper. Love doesn’t mean ignoring the flaws in that environment or fluffing the local politicians, either; in fact love means a relentless and noisy challenge to the beloved place to be all it can be, to be better and better and better. That’s not boosterism, that’s vigorous and righteous journalism, and what’s with the condescending line about “notes of skepticism typical of alternative weeklies?” When did skepticism become the purview of those with a seven-day shelf life? I swear, we need an academic panel on Journalistic Smugness and Its Attendant Jargon.

Second, as to the bolded portion of the second to last quoted graf here, isn’t it interesting that a business model which supports a paper without extravagant profit or inflated expectation is being presented as somewhat unrealistic? What would happen, in fact, if all newspapers and (ugh) newspaper companies budgeted reasonably, developed a cadre of reliable supporters and didn’t run around flinging money out of the windows and then bitching about their poverty? Really, that’s the height of idealism these days, to run a business sensibly? Goddamn, Mary Lou, here’s a place whatain’tfucking up, isn’t that something you’ve never seen before?

And tired web vs. print setups aside, what journalism can and should take away from this story is that you can’t half-ass anything anymore. Ignore the web if you want, or use it in a limited way, but you’d better then be putting out a great paper. No matter WHAT you’re doing, you’d better be running the business side of it well. You can’t do what most newspapers do, which is to put out a shitty web site and a mediocre paper while stealing from employees and advertisers and subscribers, and then complain there’s no way to succeed in this business.

A.

Besides, It’s Not About Bush

It’s about everybody Bush brought with:

In fact, if you examine the evidence, they’ve been nothing less
than brilliant. Vide: 1) The justice system is poisoned by conscious,
intentional politicicization. Partisanly targeted prosecutions are
common. The Court has been revealed as a tool of special interest. 2)
The military is nearing exhaustion, and has been drawn into the overt
commission of atrocities to merely sustain its existence. 3) Posse
Comitatus and Habeas Corpus are functionally dead, in the name of
‘national security,’ which also ratified internal communications
intelligence gathering AGAINST citizens WITHOUT warrants. Other civil
liberties are curtailed more than at any previous time since the Civil
War. Unwarranted search-and-seizure is common at Transportation
Security chokepoints on inter-state transportation. 4) The economy has
been compromised, possibly (probably!) fatally, by 30 years of studious
non-intervention. The middle-class is in tatters and terrified of the
future. 5) Wars proliferate internationally, and violent chaos reigns
on the southern border.

Plus, the Busheviks have spent the last
8 years installing partisan, loyalist, often theocratic zealots in
cells embedded in the bowels of EVERY Agency, Bureau, Commission, and
Department of the State. It will be 30 years before the last of them
retires or dies.

A.

Today on Tommy T’s Obession With The Freeperati – It’s just like Christmas!

Good morning, fellow travellers – it’s time again to tap into the Id of the Idiots – Free Republic!

I’m ready if you are, so let’s suit up and enter the Chamberpot Of Horrors..

First up – the War On Christmas racks up a little collateral damage – other Freepers – inFestivus for the dense of us‏:

City installs Festivus pole
The Daily Redundancy ^
Posted onMonday, December 22, 2008 1:18:02 PM bychordmaster
NEW HAVEN, CT – In an effort to recognize the diverse traditions of the holiday season, the City has installed a Festivus pole in the Market Street square. A dedication ceremony is scheduled for Saturday afternoon. With the addition of this new holiday centerpiece, the square is now thought to be the most diverse public display of late fall holiday symbols in the country…

(Excerpt) Read more atdailyredundancy.com

Pretty harmless fun, isn’t it? And on a website that .5 minutes worth of perusal shows is obviously a satire site?

God’s Warriors don’t joke around, you know.

To: devistate one four
Just mocking Christianity and Christmas – nothing more to see here.
Gotta devalue the celebration of the Creator of the Universe putting aside his glory to become incarnate in human form in order to save our sorry asses.

6 posted onMonday, December 22, 2008 1:21:16 PM byMrB (The 0bamanation: Marxism, Infanticide, Appeasement, Depression, Thuggery, and Censorship)
To: MrB
Galatians 6:7,8 – “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.”

19 posted onMonday, December 22, 2008 1:28:14 PM byBosco (Remember how you felt on September 11?)
Victor Davis Chickensoup takes the historical approach, or perhaps the hysterical approach:
To: devistate one four
Actually it is the Asherah pole that was danced around during pagan times. People were offered up to the pole and killed. Sexual dancing, sex acts and general nakedness and drunkenness were also part of the Asherah poles worship.
Eskimo totems poles are a more modern version

23 posted onMonday, December 22, 2008 1:31:11 PM byChickensoup (we owe HUSSEIN & Democrats the exact kind respect & loyalty that they showed us, Bush & Reagan)

Well, of course.Seinfeld was well known for its deep exploration of Ugaritic goddesses. And “Kramer” is Sumerian for “dingleberry”.

To: chordmaster
This should make the worshippers of BAAL happy…
Soon women may flock to the festivus pole to have their babies aborted.

28 posted onMonday, December 22, 2008 1:33:13 PM bytomnbeverly (“In the hour of darkness and peril and need, the people will waken to listen and hear…)
To: MrB
Exactly right…just another MOCKERY of Christianity.
HE must be weeping.

47 posted onMonday, December 22, 2008 2:03:09 PM byFES0844 (FES0844)
Only at the idiocy you guys perpetrate in His name.
Otherwise, He’s probably laughing until He cries – at you.
To: tomnbeverly
This should make the worshippers of BAAL happy… Soon women may flock to the festivus pole to have their babies aborted.
WTF dude? This is a “Festivus” thread! Get a grip!

50 posted onMonday, December 22, 2008 2:07:45 PM byDrew68
To: chordmaster
Sometimes I think the best humor goes right over some people’s heads.

27 posted onMonday, December 22, 2008 1:32:39 PM byJaxter (Si Vis Pacem Para Bellum)
To: rightwingintelligentsia
The satire discernment threshold around here is pretty low.

You pretty much need to post the word “SATIRE” in red neon letters for some to get the joke.

33 posted onMonday, December 22, 2008 1:38:37 PM bySudetenland (Those diplomats serve best, who serve as cannon fodder to protect our troops!)
And don’t forget to have a footman precede you with a red lantern to warn the morons and horses…but the Original Poster isn’t quite ready to dismiss that Baal connection:
To: mikelets456
have you seen the thread today equating liberalism with Baal worship?
disturbing.

44 posted onMonday, December 22, 2008 1:50:52 PM byMrB (The 0bamanation: Marxism, Infanticide, Appeasement, Depression, Thuggery, and Censorship)
So much more silliness after the jump, so let’s jump!

Continue reading

Happy Kerry Photo: Barbara Boxer Edition

Kerryboxer

Or Happy Boxer Photo, John Kerry Edition:

In sum, the bipartisan report found that “senior officials in the
United States government solicited information on how to use aggressive
techniques, redefined the law to create the appearance of their
legality, and authorized their use against detainees.” The report, led
by Senate Armed Services Chairman Carl Levin, concluded that “those
efforts damaged our ability to collect accurate intelligence that could
save lives, strengthened the hand of our enemies, and compromised our
moral authority.”I fully support Chairman Levin’s proposal for an outside Commission with subpoena power to investigate this matter further.

In light of this report and Vice President Cheney’s admission that torture was approved at the highest levels, I ask that you hold a hearing on the use of torture and its impact on U.S. moral standing in the world.
The last eight years have been a dark chapter for U.S. global
leadership and have left a deep stain on our moral authority. Now is
the time to send a clear and unequivocal sign that we completely reject
torture, that we respect the rule of law, and that America will once
again lead on human rights through the power of our example.
[Emphasis added]

Listen to the distinguished college from Cali, Big John.

A.

Ludacris Is Good At Origami

Seeingthis line in a story about the Georgia runoff—

Martin is touring the state Monday with prominent Georgia Democrats, including Rep. John Lewis of Atlanta. He’ll cap the day with a state Capitol rally with the Atlanta hip hop artist Ludacris.

—reminded me of my very favorite Ludacris video ever, in which he PWNS Martha Stewart at origami:

A.

Weekend Question Thread

Are you a neat freak or a slob?

A.

Seriously? Unknown?


For reals?

Funny. I thought this was, you know, the 21st century. Where we could tell what the hell was falling out of the sky.

Oh, well. At least it’s not more freakin’ snow.

Friday Ferretblogging

Omnomnom

I’m on the road until Saturday night. Puck and Riot are at the pet-sitter’s, getting into the eggnog.

A.

Thanks

In the post-Christmas haze that tends to hang over us at the Doc family household, very little gets done. We’re on the road, bouncing from family to family, so things like the internet often become unavailable (shudder).

Still, in stopping at this brief moment, typing with a serious time lag, I wanted to say thank you to all the FDers and everyone who reads my random musings. Writing is the one thing I really feel confident in. I often feel like a bad parent, a shitty teacher and a miserable human being (gotta work on that for my New Year’s resolution), but when I write, I feel better about everything. I think I’m a better dad, a better teacher and a less miserable human being.

I’d like to say thanks to all of you for helping me shape what I do. You all are amazingly great and smart people and you help me to think about things I might not otherwise conceptualize. You help me see the other side of the argument I’m making. You’re like the best of what the internet should be, as opposed to the ranting freakshow that MSM folks tend to think about when they derisively refer to “the blogosphere.”

So in these 2.3 minutes I have to myself until the end of next week, I wanted to say thanks for you all being you. Thanks for your help. Thanks for everything. Have a safe and happy season of whatever you choose to celebrate (or decline to celebrate).

Best,

Doc

Your favorite character from The Wire?

I think it is the best show on tevee. Some of my favorite characters would beMcNulty, Kima, Bubbles, Omar, Bodie and all the corner kids.

But my favorite character would be…Bunk.

Bunk

So who is your Favorite?

Oh and one of my favorites scenes…the “fuck” scene:

Success!

Beautiful downtownBasra!

BASRA, Iraq — This southern port city has been, in effect, on its own since September, when British forces here moved to the outskirts, yielding authority to local leaders. British and American officials say Basra’s experiment in self-rule could serve as a model for Iraq’s future, but if so — many locals and outside advisers say — that future remains dark.

What makes the situation in Basra — Iraq’s second largest city and commercial hub — so alarming, they say, is that it is a test of Iraqi rule under relatively optimal conditions: Basra has the nation’s best economic base, little ethnic tension within a homogeneous Shiite population and no Western occupation force to inflame nationalist tensions.

Yet the city remains deeply troubled. Disappearances of doctors, teachers and other professionals are common, as are some clashes among competing militias, most of which are linked to political parties. Murder victims include judicial investigators, politicians and tribal sheiks. One especially disturbing trend is the slaying of at least 100 women in the last year, according to the police. The Iraqi authorities have blamed Shiite militiamen for many of those killing, saying the militants had probably deemed the women to be impious.

“Most of the killings are done by gunmen in police cars,” said Sheik Khadem al-Ribat, a Basra tribal leader who claims no party membership. He spoke of the militias in an antechamber of his downtown mosque, his voice barely above a whisper. “These cars were given to the political parties. There are supposed to be 16,000 policemen, but we see very few of them on the street, and most of the ones we do see are militiamen dressed as police.”

Brought to you by our sponsors at Sentimental Cheeses

Much love and gratitude to A., Ms. SP Ham, and Mella Yella Jude for letting me and the other (esteemed) guesters play in the treehouse.
Also, big-hearted thanx to the extended at-large First Draft community. Youze geeky nerdz are good peeples.


Lastly, muchas gracias to Holden, whose candle in the window was what brought me here to begin with.