Stupid Republican Tricks

Jun 15 2018

Adrastos, Political Crack, Stupid Republican Tricks, The Darnold

Quote Of The Day: Dictator Wannabe Edition

The Insult Comedian went on his favorite teevee show this morning. He had a lot to say even though little of it made sense. We’re used to nonsense from this president*. It’s one reason he wears an asterisk. Anyhoo, here’s the quote heard round the world:

“He’s the head of the country, and I mean he’s the strong head. He speaks and his people sit up in attention. I want my people to do the same.”

He’s also a dictator, you nitwit. Trumpy is just a wannabe although he’s transformed the Republican party into a personality cult centered on him. The stupid bastard isn’t even a longtime Republican. It’s something of a cautionary tale that Democrats should pay heed to as well. Turning your party over to an independent is madness even if that person isn’t as bad as the Kaiser of Chaos. Nobody is as bad as Trump.

I’m old enough to remember when GOPers were anti-communist and anti-Russian. Under Trump they pander to Putin and the bloodthirsty Kim regime. Kim is an old school commie and Putin is a KGB irredentist seeking revenge for the Soviet Union’s “humiliation” at the end of the Cold War. John Foster Dulles and Ronald Reagan are spinning in their graves. Hell, my head is spinning like a top.

I believe in talking to everyone BUT not in taking one’s talking points from a dimunitive dictator with a bad haircut. Next thing we know Trumpy will start wearing a jump suit in honor of his little buddy, the artist formerly known as Little Rocket Man. A too long red tie will look weird with a jump suit but Trump has the right stuff to make it work. Did I say right stuff? I meant weird stuff.

Trumpy has, of course, said other stupid shit this week but I have a summer cold and I don’t want my head to explode. It’s time for another aspirin.

Jun 12 2018

24 Comments

Athenae, Law/Justice, Stupid Everything Tricks, Stupid Republican Tricks

And Then?

Donald Trump is not gonna quit.

Donald Trump is not gonna get impeached, tried, convicted and removed from office.

Donald Trump is not gonna be indicted, probably.

Stop fantasizing about these scenarios.

Donald Trump will be president until 2020.* No matter what happens with Russia, no matter what happens with Congress. We have him for two more years, and we just have to handle that. You know why?

I’M FUCKING READY TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THOSE FUCKING LIBERAL BITCHES!!!! FUCK HOLLYWOOD!!!!! FUCK THE #GRAMMYs BUNCH OF BITCHES!!!!

— Steve Trevino (@StTrevino) January 29, 2018

Because any other scenario leads to a truly horrifying amount of violence for the marginalized communities already under attack. Think about it.

Trump resigns. (This presumes a sense of shame he and his advisors don’t have and can’t develop. He’s not going to go quietly and build a presidential library somewhere. I don’t care how long the pee tape is or what he looks like in it. He can’t stop, because if he could stop he’d have done it already.)

Trump gets impeached and tried in the Senate. (The circus that was the Clinton impeachment would look like a parking lot carnival. Hearings would be disrupted constantly, the cable news complex might just actually explode, and it would be impossible to get a word in edgewise in any medium whatsoever. The wrangling alone over the timing and disposition of the trial, the testimony, the amount of witness tampering that’s possible when your entire administration is in hock to the Russian mob? By the time we get around to day one it’ll be 2045.)

EITHER of those come true, and the current culture war dunks itself in lighter fluid and runs through a fireworks tent. Democrats are already DEMONCRAPS and a threat to our democracy, liberals are for threatening and doxxing and attempting to rape, people are screaming about brown-people voter fraud in elections the Republicans WIN.

He isn’t the victim because they failed , and now that we know, American Patriots will defend President Trump from the enemies within. President Trump knew at every step what the Democrats were doing. pic.twitter.com/cfXpBKsPer

— Dandelion (@DandeLion1313) June 9, 2018

Trump gets kicked out and/or convinced to quit because of scandal, and remember that whackjob who showed up at the pizza joint? His mini-mes will be in every post office by the following weekend. It’s ALREADY not safe for Hillary to appear in public without a bulletproof vest, you think anybody with an “I’m With Her” hat is gonna be safe?

Rather Than Appealing to Mankind’s ‘Better Angels’, Islam Appeals to Mankind’s ‘Inner Demons’ @LepineLynne pic.twitter.com/KWbDzI67pT

— John Betts (@JohnFromCranber) June 11, 2018

Trump dying in office is actually worse than either of those scenarios. The man is elderly and obese and not, shall we say, in a good mental place right now, and was not healthy even when he was young. The presidential schedule is punishing even for a guy as lazy as he is, with all the air travel and such. So let’s say he dies of what are declared natural causes, which to the sane among us would be a reasonable pronouncement for a septuagenarian who thinks exercise is a scam.

What do you think happens next?

The investigations on Timmy’s YouTube Amateur Fest, otherwise known as Fox and Friends. That’s what happens next. The theories about poison and secret garrotings and who the White House doctors REALLY ARE, those are what will make it onto Fox News. On 4chan and the MRA subreddits there won’t be theories, just conspiracies, about how someone killed THEIR LORD. His embodiment of their resentment is all that’s keeping them from swatting every girl who was mean to them in high school. Remove that, and there’s just no damn telling.

If God forbid he is assassinated all fucking hell breaks loose. This is actually our worst nightmare. There are people in this country who think they are fighting a race war and they’re not on the fringes anymore. All it would take was one whisper on the wind that a black or brown or Muslim person killed Trump (no matter WHO it actually was) and nobody would be safe.

It’s true. We old men don’t like being poked & prodded. Especially #Veterans. Just to let y’all know, we old sailors, soldiers, airmen & Marines are getting close to losing our patience with you liberal bitches. Start being Americans again. Stop poking us. pic.twitter.com/t8ePHgny1j

— SemperLibertae (@NavManKan) April 28, 2018

Every fucking day I hear somebody fantasizing about one of the above scenarios without thinking about who’s going to get hurt once we witness Trump getting his ass beat thoroughly in an election or a courtroom or by his own arteries. I just want us to understand that while there may be rejoicing in liberal blogistan the hatred he’s unleashed is going to be vented on people who already have more to lose and we have to figure out how to keep them safe.

Whenever someone wishes Trump would get indicted or otherwise split town, I have to ask them what they think happens next. And what happens after that, and after that, and after that. We have to start planning for more than just stockpiling champagne.

*Would LOVE to be wrong about any of this and will cheerfully accept the ribbing that will come with my wrongness.

Jun 07 2018

1 Comment

Adrastos, Krewe du Vieux, Law/Justice, Political Crack, Stupid Republican Tricks, Twitter

Scott Pruitt: Chickenshit Grifter

I’m sure you’ve all heard about Scott Pruitt having an aide badger Chik-fil-A into giving his wife a franchise. Hey, they’ll need an income when Scotty stops grifting the EPA. It’s gotten so bad that Gret Stet Senator John Neely Kennedy publicly urged Scotty to “stop acting like a moron.” The national media has learned what the Louisiana press has known for years: Neely likes spouting off on teevee and usually has a corny one-liner saved up. If he weren’t a Republican, I might offer to supply him with some Neelyisms but he is so I won’t. Besides, I’m not adept at Hee Haw humor.

Back to Scott Pruitt. The reason I call him a chickenshit grifter is that he’s fond of grifting relatively small amounts aka chickenfeed or chickenshit. He’s even been asked to stop messing up the White House mess by eating there so much. Yo, Scotty: pay your tab, it’s only 400 bucks. In short, this is chickenshit grifting at its smallest and pettiest. Avarice thy name is Scotty.

I was astonished when this tweet landed on my timeline:

(E)xpensive (P)ruitt (A)gency:
Condo Deal: $50/night
12 Pens: $1,560
Journals: $1,670
Trump Hotel Mattress: $1,750
Private 40-min flight: $5,719
PR: $6,500
Chik fil A Franchise: $10K
Phone Booth: $43K
2 Desks: $70K
Friends’ Pay Raises: $85K
Italy Trip: $120K
Security: $3.5M pic.twitter.com/VbSWS56sJq

— Fox News Research (@FoxNewsResearch) June 6, 2018

I checked to make sure this was an genuine Fox News feed. It is indeed and it’s actually “fair and balanced.” I didn’t know they were allowed to criticize Scotty. This could be a signal to the Insult Comedian that it’s time to stop watching Scotty grift. Grift, Scotty, grift.

One would think that, as a major criminal, Trump would be offended by the picayune and penny-ante antics of Scotty. They’re both grifters but Scotty is strictly small time. He’s hanging on because the president* likes his terrible policies but he can turn on a dime; just ask Trudeau or Macron. I wonder when Scotty will ask for a pardon. Let’s start the countdown…

Whenever I think of Chik-fil-A, I think of this masterful float by the Krewe du Vieux sub-kreme, Seeds of Decline, as well as this photo by my erstwhile nemesis, Michael Homan.

Photograph by Michael Homan.

Since I refuse to give Homan the last word, I might as well expel this disgusting earworm from my head.

One of these days I’ll write new lyrics and transform that horrendous tune into Watching Scotty Grift. There could even be an alternate version, Watching Scotty Blow.

The answer, my friend, is grifting in the wind, the answer is grifting in the wind.

Jun 06 2018

2 Comments

Adrastos, Fog Of History, Food and Drink, Music, Political Crack, Stupid Republican Tricks, The Darnold

Burning Down The (White) House

Donald Trump, amateur historian, has struck again:

President Donald Trump reportedly justified the tariffs he placed on Canadian steel and aluminum by asking Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in a phone call: “Didn’t you guys burn down the White House?”

CNN reported on the exchange, citing sources familiar with the call. The British burned down the White House in the War of 1812, when Canada was a British colony. CNN reported the President may have been joking, but the tariffs, justified on national security grounds by the Trump administration, have left Canadians furious.

“To the degree one can ever take what is said as a joke,” one source “on the call” told CNN, when asked if Trump meant the comment as a joke. “The impact on Canada and ultimately on workers in the U.S. won’t be a laughing matter.”

I guess we can be grateful that Trumpy didn’t go on about Dolly Madison pastries while tossing zingers at Trudeau the Younger in pursuit of his stupid trade war. He probably doesn’t know that James Madison was president in 1812 and that Dolly was a legend in her own right. The Insult Comedian will inevitably claim that he gave Madison his period nickname, Little Jemmy.

Only in the Trump era would the words Canada and trade war be found in the same sentence. Canada is the best damn neighbor in the world and Justin Trudeau is the most amiable of world leaders. Oy, just oy.

Since Trump makes all educated Americans feel like Charlie Brown, it’s time to pass the zingers:

Now that we’ve had an afternoon snack with Charlie Brown, Lucy, Sally, and Linus, it’s time to make like the Canadians:

Wait. Talking Heads aren’t Canadian? Who knew? Certainly not president* Trump.

May 23 2018

1 Comment

Adrastos, Fog Of Scandal, Law/Justice, Music, Political Crack, Stupid Republican Tricks, The Darnold

Crossfire Hurricane: Deep State, Deep Doo Doo

I pinch myself almost every day that a minority of the voters (with help from Russian intelligence) elected an Insult Comedian with a dead nutria pelt atop his head to the highest office in the land. We’re bombarded with this fucking moron’s nonsense and stupidity on a daily basis. One of the things I find most disconcerting is Trump’s continuing reliance on bizarre conspiracy theories when, in theory, he should be the best informed person in the country. While it’s true that most of the conspiracy theories are self-serving, the dumb fucker believes them.

Things have gotten even weirder since the failing New York Times published its big story about the FBI counter-intelligence operation Crossfire Hurricane. Against all evidence. Team Trump insists it was an Obama administration operation aimed at undermining their campaign and/or overthrowing Trump in a Deep State coup. I guess that’s why it was secret until last week. #sarcasm. Instead, it was the least intrusive way to investigate some serious allegations. Of course, we know that the Trumpers are denizens of the Derp State, so why should anyone be surprised by this meshuga crapola.

I am mildly thrilled that the Feebs used the opening line of the Rolling Stones classic Jumpin’ Jack Flash as the code name for the investigation. That would never have happened in the Hoover era when rock and roll was considered subversive, especially the Stones who were bad boys then, plutocrats now. Jumpin’ Jack Flash it’s still a gas, gas, gas.

Vanity Fair’s Gabriel Sherman has great sources in the alternate universe known, to me at least, as Trumpistan. He has a wild piece today at The Hive about the latest conspiracy theories and even got our old pal Roger Stone to go on the record:

According to people familiar with Trump’s thinking, his team is attempting to build the case that anti-Trump forces in the F.B.I. entrapped his advisers using informants to plant evidence about Russian collusion. The theory goes that the F.B.I. later used these contacts with the Russians to delegitimize his presidency. Trump’s advisers say the intelligence community believed Hillary Clinton would win the presidency, but in case she didn’t, they concocted this elaborate plot to remove Trump from office. “Just when you think it can’t get stranger, it does,” a Trump adviser told me. Stone claims the anti-Trump conspiracy includes senior intelligence officials from the Barack Obama administration. “The guy who will end up burning in all this is [former C.I.A. director] John Brennan,” Stone told me. “If I were him I’d break the capsule and swallow it now. That psychopath is going down.”

Brennan is a psychopath now? It takes one to know one, Rog. I’ll see you on the Dark Stone of the Moon, dude. The lunatic is now on the sinkhole laden White House grass. It’s time to revive this meme from the October 20, 2016 post referred to above:

I’m curious as to how the CIA director was pulling the strings at the FBI. The Feebs have always zealously protected their independence up to and including the Comey era. You don’t have to be Mark (Deep Throat) Felt to figure that one out. The only reality in the Derp State is what helps Trump save his worthless ass from prosecutors.

I’m back to pinching myself. What disturbs me is that there are people out there who believe that the so-called Deep State is why our country in trouble when it’s really the conspiracy theorist in the chief who put the derp in deep, which is why we’re all in deep doo doo. Hopefully, we won’t sink before the November election, which is when we’ll have a chance to elect a Congress that will do its job and rein in these crazies. But it will take years for the country to regain sanity after losing its mind on 11/8/2016.

The last word goes to the Stones and two of my favorite covers of Jumpin’ Jack Flash. It’s still a gas, gas, gas.

May 15 2018

1 Comment

Athenae, Stupid Republican Tricks

I Should Feel Good and I Don’t

No matter how many NYT op-eds get run slobbing the knobs of every Trump voter in existence, they are gonna tell you how much liberals hate them, and you can’t argue with that:

I agree that Nancy Pelosi probably shouldn’t spend her days going on MSNBC and calling conservative voters stupid racist shitwhistles.

Also Nancy Pelosi does not do that. Nor do the liberal hosts on MSNBC as far as I am aware of. Nor does anyone except cranky people on twitter (in the old days this was cranky people on blogs, but blogs don’t exist anymore).

It’s absolutely immaterial whether Nancy Pelosi hates conservative voters or not. She probably doesn’t, because she probably doesn’t think about them all that hard, which just pisses them off more.

We keep engaging with the substance of their criticism. “Liberals hate us!” And we rush to reassure them, like that’s going to make a difference, like they’re engaging with real people and not the versions of us they keep to chatter at them in their heads.

Because they hate themselves. They live beset with fear that they are inferior and small, like all of us, and greedy little hucksters like Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Robert Mercer and Donald Trump have always known how to prey on such people. So telling them you really do love them, you really do, and there aren’t many liberals out there who hate them, if any at all, won’t convince them of anything.

After all, we’re secretly laughing at them, and so of course that’s what somebody secretly laughing at you would say.

You can’t argue with paranoia, nor with those addicted to it. They’re crackheads for the Fox News vision of the world and who they are in it, and you don’t argue a crackhead out of their crackheadery. You try to get them into rehab, and for sure you stop giving them money, but you don’t genuinely expect them to listen to your well-reasoned argument that crack is bad and they should stop smoking it for lunch and make a rational decision based on listening.

And we think Trump is rock bottom for them. We have no idea how far down this goes.

May 14 2018

1 Comment

Adrastos, Political Crack, Stupid Republican Tricks, Teabaggery, The Darnold, Twitter

The Latest Etiquette Food Fight

You’ve surely all heard about the latest Trump administration controversy. There was a leak of a bad “joke” by a communications staffer, Kelly Sadler, who said that what John McCain thought about the Haspel nomination was irrelevant because “he’s dying anyway.” The national knickers immediately went into a twist because of this latest example of bad manners by Team Trump. Hence the post title.

Here’s the real question about the latest etiquette food fight: why is anyone surprised and why should anyone expect an apology from an administration headed by the vulgarian-in-chief? There’s a reason I call the president* the Insult Comedian: he spends most of his time saying and doing horrible things. It’s contagious and has spread down the chain of command like herpes. This isn’t the first time someone on Team Trump has violated the unwritten rules of human decency and it won’t be the last. But this isn’t even close to the worst thing they’ve said or, more importantly, done.

Let me make it clear: I don’t think it’s funny to mock a dying man. It’s beyond gauche, but it’s nothing compared to past things said on the record by Republicans about *another* war hero as these tweets from Athenae in response to Steve Schmidt made clear:

Why have no REPUBLICAN US SENATORS stepped forward and expressed their Absolute F’ing outrage about these attacks on AMERICAN HERO JOHN MCCAIN by a WH staffer? It is despicable and the cowardice is nauseating.

— Steve Schmidt (@SteveSchmidtSES) May 11, 2018

I mean I'm sorry, but could you be a little less shocked that your party, the party that nominated George "John McCain has a secret black baby" Bush and honors Jerome "John Kerry was basically the VC" Corsi, only loves veterans when it's convenient for them?

— Allison Hantschel (@Athenae) May 13, 2018

This exchange pinpoints one of the problems with Never Trump Republicans such as Schmidt and the Mittbot. They spend most of their time complaining about Trump’s manners. I agree that they’re horrible. He reminds me of an unfixed male dog marking the national living room, culminating in an exuberant dump on the rug. BUT that’s not the worst thing about this administration, it’s their policies, stupid. Watch what they do, not what they say. They lie like a shit-stained rug, after all.

Everyone seems to have forgotten that the unfunny wisecrack was prompted by McCain’s opposition to Haspel’s nomination as CIA director because of TORTURE sanctioned by Team Bush-Cheney. By all accounts, George W. Bush has good manners but he lied his way into war, crashed the economy, vilified his opponents, and generally made a mess of things. The mere fact that he knows which fork to use is irrelevant. Watch what administrations do, not what they say.

In addition to advocating the return of torture, Team Trump wants to take health care away from millions of Americans, separate immigrant children from their parents, slash disability payments, privatize the VA, destroy the EPA, and on and on and on. It’s a parade of policy horribles that most Never Trump Republicans support. Remember: Trump does not give a shit about policy, that has been sub-contracted to the hard right-wing of the GOP. That’s why “nice and polite” Paul Ryan still supports Trump: he’s furthering Ryan’s Randian agenda.

Even if the Sadler-sack communications aide apologizes, it shouldn’t matter. The etiquette food fight will go on as long as the Insult Comedian’s rude misrule continues. He may end up being replaced by “polite” Mike Pence but the rude policies will endure. Watch what they do, not what they say.

May 11 2018

1 Comment

Adrastos, Bigotry, Fog Of History, Immigration, Malakatude, Political Crack, Stupid Republican Tricks

Malaka Of The Week: John Kelly

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: John Kelly is a more polished version of Donald Trump. Like his master, he has a tendency to shoot off his mouth and say horrible, xenophobic things. And that is why General/White House Chief of Staff John Kelly is malaka of the week.

Kelly firmly believes in pulling up the drawbridge and excluding immigrants. He also believes in demeaning and degrading those who want to emigrate to our country. Kelly expressed these views in the crudest possible terms yesterday:

“Let me step back and tell you that the vast majority of the people that move illegally into the United States are not bad people. They’re not criminals. They’re not MS-13. … But they’re also not people that would easily assimilate into the United States, into our modern society. They’re overwhelmingly rural people. In the countries they come from, fourth-, fifth-, sixth-grade educations are kind of the norm. They don’t speak English; obviously that’s a big thing. … They don’t integrate well; they don’t have skills. They’re not bad people. They’re coming here for a reason. And I sympathize with the reason. But the laws are the laws. … The big point is they elected to come illegally into the United States, and this is a technique that no one hopes will be used extensively or for very long.”

Here’s a reminder to Kelly of how his own people, the Irish, were viewed in their early days in America.

That was a cartoon by Thomas Nast depicting an Irishman as a sub-human, drunken papist who got his orders from the Catholic Church. Nast was a legendary 19th century satirist who worked for high-toned publications such as Harper’s Weekly and the New York Herald-Tribune. But Nast also trafficked in the bigoted stereotypes of his day.

I assume that Kelly would find Nast’s anti-Irish cartoons to be offensive. I wish that he’d understand the analogy, but I have my doubts. Like the president* he serves, he is incapable of empathy or understanding the other person’s point of view. And that is why John Kelly is malaka of the week.

May 02 2018

3 Comments

Adrastos, Fog Of History, Political Crack, Stupid Republican Tricks, The Darnold

Dr. Bornstein Meets The Stupid Plumbers Unit

The first time Dr. A heard that Trump was appointing “his doctor” to run the VA, she thought it was this guy:

I disabused her of that notion but told her that Admiral/Doctor Jackson was as unqualified as Dr. Harold Bornstein. Doctor Ronny is slowly but surely receding from the limelight but our old pal, Dr. Bornstein, is taking a curtain call of sorts. I’ve missed the shaggy haired medico and am glad he’s back with us. The president* is not.

Dr. B has fallen out with his most famous client. Apparently, it’s over Bornstein’s loose lips about Trumpy’s use of a drug that helps the follically challenged. Dr. B thought he was authorized to talk about Trump’s health after signing the ludicrous letter that Trump wrote about his own health during the 2016 campaign. Pretty much everyone thought the Insult Comedian dictated it but Bornstein has confirmed his authorship. Believe me.

The Insult Comedian decided to go medieval on the good doctor’s ass last year and dispatched a goon squad to secure the records. There’s a problem: the originals of medical records belong to the physician. The goon squad was led by former Trump bodyguard Keith Schiller who was a federal employee when this happened. They also neglected to provide the standard consent form. That’s a bozo no no, y’all.

There are HIPAA violations up the wazoo on both sides. (I bet Bornstein knows what a wazoo is since he’s a gastroenterologist.) If you’re not hip to HIPAA, it’s a federal law that guarantees patient privacy. It’s a good albeit burdensome law but the Chaos of Kaiser does not think it applies to him. Anyone surprised?

There’s essentially a Mexican stand-off on the HIPAA issue since both sides broke the law and neither is willing to pay for the wall. But the originals of the medical records belong to Bornstein, which could make this a robbery by the Stupid Plumbers Unit.

Our esteemed blogging colleague Driftglass has been calling the Trump scandals Stupid Watergate for quite some time. I bow to his coinage but would like to extend it to the Stupid Plumbers Unit. Watergate buffs out there will recall Nixon’s Plumbers Unit whose job was to plug leaks. They were also into a bit of breaking and entering; most notably the office of Daniel Ellsberg’s shrink, Dr. Lewis Fielding.

The analogy is imprecise since the plumbers got away with it until the other White House horrors were exposed. Plus, they had the good sense to do it covertly, not in broad daylight. Nobody ever called the Current Occupant Tricky Donald, after all. Additionally, G Gordon Liddy and E Howard Hunt were titans compared to the Stupid Plumbers Unit. Hell, Hunt even published a shitload of thrillers under various pen names. It’s unclear if Schiller has read a book since his school days. He’s been too busy listening to his master’s voice go on and on and on and on…

Donald Trump better hope that there’s no criminal liability for Keith Schiller. I suspect the bodyguard knows where the bodies are buried and he could be as dangerous a witness for the prosecution as the Fixer. We live in exciting and stupid times. You say Stupid Watergate, I say Kremlingate. Let’s call the whole thing off.

Since I don’t know any plumbers songs, I’ll pipe down and give the last word to Elvis Costello:

Apr 30 2018

1 Comment

Adrastos, Congress, Elections, Fog Of History, Language, Malakatude, Political Crack, Sports, Stupid Republican Tricks

Malaka Of The Week: Mo Brooks

Since November, 2016, one of the MSM’s favorite words is unprecedented. Everything is unprecedented. It’s hard to argue that a president* making foreign policy pronouncements on twitter while watching Fox News is NOT unprecedented. It is. It is also aberrant and a textbook example of malakatude.

I’m going to do something unprecedented myself: First Draft’s first two-time malaka of the week. In the past, I’ve avoided repeat offenders because there’s enough malakatude to go around without plowing the same furrow again. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and that is why Alabama Congressman Mo Brooks is malaka of the week.

Mo Brooks first wore the malakatude crown of shame on June 8, 2014 for some inflammatory and downright idiotic white nationalist rantings. Brooks puts the Mo in Moron. In 2014, Malaka Mo claimed Democrats were waging a “war on whites” because of their uppity president and such.

Since then, Mo finished third in the 2017 GOP Senate primary behind Judge Pervert and Luther Strange. He was only the second craziest candidate in the race. Go figure.

In 2018, we’re getting Mo of the same nonsense as Brooks claims that assassination threats are the reason so many House GOPers are retiring:

“One of the things that’s concerning me is the assassination risk may become a factor,” he said.

Brooks referred to the fact many members of the Republican baseball team are retiring, including Sen. Jeff Flake and Reps. Ryan Costello, Pat Meehan, Dennis Ross and Tom Rooney.

“You have to wonder with that kind of disproportionate retirement number whether what happened in June played a factor,” he said.

So, it’s not scandal or the fact that they’re sure losers in the fall? It’s the Scalise shooting? Does Darrell Issa know about this? Since Mo is running for re-election, I guess that makes him one of the brave ones. Of course, he represents Alabama’s 5th district where white Democrats are rare and you can’t shake a stick without hitting a neo-Klansman. Mo is one brave motherfucker as well as a tribune of malakatude.

My favorite bit of this imbecilic rant is when Mo makes a vague Chinese Cultural Revolution reference without showing any signs that he knows what a Maoist really is:

He also said the “socialist Bernie Sanders wing of society” was pushing for a revolution that would lead to Maoist level of violence.

“There are a growing number of leftists who believe the way to resolve this is not at the ballot box but through threats and sometimes through violence and assassinations,” he said.

Other than social media keyboard warriors, I’m unaware of anyone advocating violent revolution or tooling up to become a 21st Century Gang of Four. The idea of past malaka of the week Jeff Weaver, Nina Turner and cohort donning Mao shirts and waving the little red book at Our Revolution rallies makes me chortle, titter, and even guffaw.

Since Malaka Mo is trotting out the Maoist straw man, it’s time to trot out some good old-fashioned ChiCom rhetoric and call Mo a running dog of the imperialist Trumpist dynasty.

It seems as if Mo is starting a Congressional GOP baseball team conspiracy theory. They’re all retiring because the Mau Mau Maoists are out to get them, which makes this some kind of Obama-Gang of Four conspiracy. Does Alex Jones know about this? He might, however, confuse them with the British rock band of that name. He could always ask his pal Billy Corgan to clarify matters.

It turns out that Malaka Mo is one of the GOP baseball team’s “coaches.” Why does a pickup baseball team need coaches? Is Mo teaching them the spitball? He’s good at scuffing up the truth, after all. Coach Mo conjures up images of Coach, Sam Malone’s lovably dim sidekick/bartender on the early seasons of Cheers. Mo Brooks is his evil twin but every bit as dim. I guess I shouldn’t use the word dim or Malaka Mo will think I’m talking about dim sum, which could make me a Maoist or some such shit. Mmm, dim sum.

Congressman Brooks continues to put the Mo into Moron with his bizarre ideas and convoluted thinking. Republican Congresscritters are retiring because they think they’ll lose their seats and control of the House. Fear of violence is just another lame excuse. And that is why Mo Brooks is malaka of the week.

Apr 26 2018

2 Comments

Adrastos, Political Crack, Stupid Republican Tricks

The Party’s Over

I awoke to the least surprising news ever: Doctor/Admiral Ronny Jackson has withdrawn his nomination as Secretary of Veterans Affairs. That perfects his status as the latest, and perhaps most pitiful, Trump dignity wraith. Jackson’s exit triggered yet another presidential* meltdown this time via phone on his favorite teevee show, Fox & Friends.

In many ways, Jackson is the perfect Trump underling: he’s the kind of guy who kisses up and kicks down. He turns out to be something of a Jekyll and Hyde character. I suspect former Presidents Bush and Obama only saw genial Dr. Hyde, not Jekyll/Haskell. Haskell as in teevee bully Eddie. The GOP is full of jerks who suck up to those above them on the food chain and abuse their employees. It’s an inhuman part of the human equation. I’ve been known to call it the Eddie Haskell factor.

Trump is already scapegoating Montana Senator Jon Tester who brought all the Jax trash to public attention. Now that he’s been testy with Tester, how long will it be until he blames Barack Obama, Frank Zappa, or Gus McCrae? You might recall Gus as the loquacious fictional cowboy in Larry McMurtry’s Lonesome Dove. It’s his fault that I always call the Big Sky State, Montany, I’m unsure who to blame for my failure to become a dental floss tycoon…

The worst thing about the Jackson nomination is not that he’s a drunken sailor. It’s that he lacks any qualifications for one of the most difficult jobs in the federal government. The last thing the VA needs is a guy known for his explosive temper and horrible management skills. We already have a president* who is reminiscent of Captain Queeg of Caine Mutiny fame, we don’t need one in charge of the health of our veterans. I wonder if Trumpy plays with ball bearings a la Queeg while watching teevee:

Nah, that would interfere with his tweeting. Queeg on the witness stand = Trump testifying. He might, however, play with a different set of balls if, that is, he can find them.

What have we learned from the demise of the latest Trump dignity wraith? Not a damn thing. We already knew that Trump’s governing style, such as it is, is arbitrary, capricious, and whimsical. That’s why I call him the Kaiser of Chaos.

The last word goes to someone much too classy to praise Trump for his “dragon energy.” I guess we shouldn’t be surprised, they’re both Kanye men. King Cole was not. Hit it, Nat:

Apr 23 2018

6 Comments

Adrastos, Fog Of History, Fog Of Scandal, Political Crack, Stupid Republican Tricks, The Darnold, Twitter

The Latest Trump Dignity Wraith

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: everyone who gets involved with Donald Trump gets slimed. The latest example is Admiral/Doctor Ronny Jackson who had a reputation as a competent doctor and a nice guy during the Bush and Obama administrations. That began to change when he gave a preposterous briefing about Trump’s health. Then came his nomination to run the Veterans Administration, which is a nearly impossible job given the competing interest groups and the size of the agency.

Tonight there’s breaking news that could derail the nomination altogether:

The ranking Democrat on the Senate Veterans Affairs committee is reviewing allegations he’s hearing about Ronny Jackson, the White House physician and President Trump’s pick to lead the Department of Veterans Affairs. It was unclear late Monday whether the Senate panel would postpone Jackson’s confirmation hearing, which was scheduled for Wednesday, in light of stories about the nominee told by current or former White House medical staff.

Sources familiar with the tales say that Tester’s staff is reviewing multiple allegations of a “hostile work environment.” The accusations include “excessive drinking on the job, improperly dispensing meds,” said one of the people familiar, who was granted anonymity to speak frankly about the situation. The other people familiar with the stories also confirmed those details.

If proven true, “it’ll sink his nomination,” said one of the sources.

This is what happens when you nominate someone without any vetting. There was no interview, no nothing, just a presidential* gut instinct that he liked Admiral/Doctor Jackson and that somehow made him qualified to run a massive bureaucracy. Trump’s gut may be large but his instincts are terrible. The incompetence, it burns.

I considered stealing a line from a tweet by Steven Beschloss, brother of historian Michael, but decided that was too Trumpian:

I’m not defending Ronny Jackson, but if I worked in the Trump White House I’d be likely to drink excessively and be pretty hostile. https://t.co/NPOwDZhGub

— Steven Beschloss (@StevenBeschloss) April 24, 2018

Excessive drinking can definitely make one hostile. The irony is that none of the post-Nixon presidents have been known as heavy drinkers. The last presidents to drink with their White House physician were FDR and Harry Truman and they were only occasionally hostile. Hostility is Trump’s speciality.

It looks as if Admiral/Doctor Jackson is the latest Trump dignity wraith. Stay tuned.

Apr 23 2018

2 Comments

Free Republic, Stupid Republican Tricks, Teabaggery, Terrorism, The Darnold, Tommy T

Today on Tommy T’s Obsession with the Freeperati – random vandals edition

Hi, all – a bunch of bits and pieces this week. Let’s get right into it with – Bimb? Oh No?

Ex-Playboy Model Karen McDougal Sues to Break Silence on Trump
New York Times ^ | 03/20/2018 | By JIM RUTENBERG

Posted on 3/20/2018, 2:08:04 PM by SeekAndFind

A former Playboy model who claimed she had an affair with Donald J. Trump sued on Tuesday to be released from a 2016 legal agreement requiring her silence, becoming the second woman this month to challenge Trump allies’ efforts during the presidential campaign to bury stories about extramarital relationships.

The model, Karen McDougal, is suing the company that owns The National Enquirer, American Media Inc., which paid her $150,000 and whose chief executive is a friend of President Trump’s. The other woman, the adult entertainment star Stephanie Clifford, better known as Stormy Daniels, was paid $130,000 to stay quiet by the president’s personal lawyer, Michael D. Cohen. She filed suit earlier this month.

Both women, who argue that their contracts are invalid, are trying to get around clauses requiring them to resolve disputes in secretive arbitration proceedings rather than in open court. Mr. Trump has denied the affairs.

Ms. McDougal, in a lawsuit filed in Los Angeles Superior Court, claims that Mr. Cohen was secretly involved in her talks with A.M.I., and that the media company and her lawyer at the time misled her about the deal. She also asserts that after she spoke with The New Yorker last month after it obtained notes she kept on Mr. Trump, A.M.I. warned that “any further disclosures would breach Karen’s contract” and “cause considerable monetary damages.”

In an email to The New York Times, her new lawyer, Peter K. Stris, accused A.M.I. of “a multifaceted effort to silence Karen McDougal.”

1 posted on 3/20/2018, 2:08:04 PM by SeekAndFind

To: DIRTYSECRET

What is the whole point, was there a rape or sexual assault committed, if not who cares.

11 posted on 3/20/2018, 2:12:48 PM by the_individual2014

To: SeekAndFind

What’s the beef? Trump was a rich successful playboy, that’s no secret. Besides, she is hot!

12 posted on3/20/2018, 2:13:28 PM by JoSixChip (He is Batman!)

To: SeekAndFind

Not guilty!

20 posted on 3/20/2018, 2:15:26 PM by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives In My Heart Forever)

I wondered how long we’d have to wait for the “she’s-hot-so-not-guilty” trope…

To: albie

She wants everyone to know she’s a pig who screws married men. I don’t have a problem with the president. That’s between him and his wife.

44 posted on 3/20/2018, 3:03:44 PM by Peeps47 (Democrats are as corrupt as they are incompetent)

Ah, the Freeperati – always ready to forgive and forget.

Well, ALMOST always…

Let the Bimbo Eruptions Commence! Is Bill Clinton back in predatory mode? NY POST ^ | 10/13/06 | Richard Johnson Posted on 10/13/2006, 8:48:49 AM by MAD-AS-HELL

Hillary Fans Took No Chances

SAVVY Democrats pushing Sen. Hillary Clinton for president were so worried last year about a possible “bimbo eruption” involving Bill Clinton, they had his friend, former Democratic National Committee chairman Terry McAuliffe, confront him, according to a new book. In “The Way to Win,” authors Mark Halperin of ABC News and John Harris of the Washington Post report that rumors swept political circles last year that Clinton had resumed the wayward habits that nearly brought down his presidency in 1998. Concern among his allies grew so intense that McAuliffe was tapped for the delicate assignment of confronting him at his Chappaqua home, according to Democrats briefed on the awkward encounter. “The former president assured McAuliffe that there was nothing to the rumors, although Clinton had been known to make such promises in the past,” Halperin and Harris write. They add that others around the senator believe her husband “has learned from his errors” and is so determined that she become president that he’ll “bring only support and good behavior to a Hillary Clinton presidential campaign.”

*******

Oh how I would love to see an avalanche of woman come out and accuse Bill of unwanted advances

Yeah – that would really suck, wouldn’t it?

on the eve of the Democratic National Convention where Hitlery is to accept the nomination. Or even better, Hillary and her goon squad intimidating those same women in order to keep them quiet about the BENTONE.

Maybe Michael Cohen is available?

To: MAD-AS-HELL

“The former president assured McAuliffe that there was nothing to the rumors”

Yea, right. Once a whorehound, always a whorehound. Bubba is as addicted to chasing women as an alcoholic is to booze.

17 posted on 10/13/2006, 9:01:28 AM by Polyxene (For where God built a church, there the Devil would also build a chapel – Martin Luther)

Yeah – but is she hot?

To: MAD-AS-HELL

In the past Hillary was in charge of putting down “Bimbo Eruptions”. Now who’s going to do it?

40 posted on 10/13/2006, 10:26:31 AM by TruthWillWin

Steve Bannon Is A Moron

Sloppy Steve’s pinky promise.

We already knew that Steve Bannon was an extremist and looks like an unmade bed at a thrift shop, but last night we had proof positive that he’s a moron, or as my man Rex would say: A FUCKING MORON.

Sloppy Steve is trying to worm his way back into Trump’s good graces by proposing a ridiculous “plan” to dispose of the Mueller probe:

The first step, these people say, would be for Trump to fire Deputy Attorney General Rod J. Rosenstein, who oversees the work of special counsel Robert S. Mueller III and in recent days signed off on a search warrant of Trump’s longtime personal lawyer, Michael D. Cohen.

Bannon is also recommending the White House cease its cooperation with Mueller, reversing the policy of Trump’s legal team to provide information to the special counsel’s team and to allow staff members to sit for interviews.

And he is telling associates inside and outside the administration that the president should create a new legal battleground to protect himself from the investigation by asserting executive privilege — and arguing that Mueller’s interviews with White House officials over the past year should now be null and void.

This is a hare-brained scheme worthy of Wile E. Coyote and is apt to work as well as this:

If Bannon were a lawyer, which he most assuredly is not, he’d know that our legal system disfavors ideas such as “retroactive” executive privilege. If Team Trump refused to allow staffers to grant witnesses, prosecutors would simply issue grand jury subpoenas to compel their testimony. If they declined, they’d be held in contempt, fined, and clapped in jail. This White House is sufficiently incompetent without having staffers in the slammer.

Bannon is, of course, pandering to the Insult Comedian by proposing a “plan” that gives him an excuse do what he wants to do anyway. It is not, however, as simple as the feeble minds of Bannon and Trump would have you believe. If Rosenstein and Mueller were removed tomorrow, the investigation would continue. The press and public tend to view these things as duels between individuals when the battle is institutional in nature. The referral of the Cohen search to New York proves that. Repeat after me: the investigation would continue.

A quick sidebar. I wish the press would stop asking Trump if he’s going to “fire Mueller.” It comes off as a taunt, dare, or challenge to his manhood. And we all know that arrested adolescents are insecure about their teeny, tiny wangers.

I have no idea where this thing is going or what will happen next. Anyone who says they do has been smoking weed with former Speaker Boehner. We can dream that there are more like this anonymous Republican Congressman whose hilariously profane grocery store rant was quoted by Erick Erickson.

“It’s like Forrest Gump won the presidency, but an evil, really fucking stupid Forrest Gump. He can’t help himself. He’s just a fucking idiot who thinks he’s winning when people are bitching about him. He really does see the world as ratings and attention. I hate Forrest Gump. I listen to your podcast and heard you hate it too. What an overrated piece of sh*t movie. Can you believe it beat the Shawshank Redemption?”

<SNIP>

“I say a lot of shit on TV defending him, even over this. But honestly, I wish the motherfucker would just go away. We’re going to lose the House, lose the Senate, and lose a bunch of states because of him. All his supporters will blame us for what we have or have not done, but he hasn’t led. He wakes up in the morning, shits all over Twitter, shits all over us, shits all over his staff, then hits golf balls. F*ck him. Of course, I can’t say that in public or I’d get run out of town.”

The cowardly Congresscritter *claims* many House GOPers would vote to impeach *after* their primaries but who the hell knows? As entertaining as this rant is, I agree with former Republican Congressman David Jolly:

Memo to the growing number of GOPers speaking on background about Trump's increasing instability and his destruction of the party:

It means nothing if you won't go on the record; it actually makes you look weaker in the shadow of Trump, not stronger.

— David Jolly (@DavidJollyFL) April 12, 2018

That was a jolly good quote, eh wot?

Back to Steve Bannon. His trial balloon was leaked so that it could be shot down. The worst possible thing Trump could do is to make like the Queen of Hearts and chop off everyone’s head. It would make today’s feverish and overheated environment look like a garden party. Of course, Trump loves disorder and confusion. That’s why I call him the Kaiser of Chaos.

Steve Bannon is a moron in a party of morons and the president* is the biggest moron of all.

Repeat after me: the investigation will continue even if Bannon pinky swears that it won’t.

Apr 09 2018

Malaka Of The Week: Ralph Norman

addtext_com_MTAzMjQ4Mjk1MQ

A friend asked me the other day why I’m doing fewer malaka of week posts. Surely, he said, malakatude is not decreasing. It is not. There’s been an explosion of malakatude in the Trump ~~error~~ era. Norms are being discarded willy nilly, especially on the subject of guns and that is why Congressman Ralph Norman of South Carolina is malaka of the week. Yeah, it happened last week but let’s not be pedantic about dates. Genuine malakatude is timeless.

It’s a pity that the Congressman’s parents didn’t name him Norman Norman. Not only would that get him a shout-out at Cheers, I could call him Norm Norman while pointing out the pulling out a loaded gun in a room full of constituents is not normal, Norman.

From the Charleston Post & Courier’s Palmetto Politics section:

A South Carolina Republican congressman is not backing down from critics after he pulled out his own personal — and loaded — .38-caliber Smith & Wesson handgun during a meeting with constituents Friday.

U.S. Rep. Ralph Norman, R-Rock Hill, told The Post and Courier he pulled out the weapon and placed it on a table for several minutes in attempt to make a point that guns are only dangerous in the hands of criminals.

“I’m not going to be a Gabby Giffords,” Norman said afterward, referring to the former Arizona Democratic congresswoman who was shot outside a Tucson-area grocery store during a constituent gathering in 2011.

That was a real low country low blow as Malaka Norman seems to imply that it was Ms. Giffords’ own fault that she was shot. A scathingly polite reaction to that came from Jeff Flake who served in the House with Giffords:

I sincerely hope you never have to experience what my friend @gabbygiffords experienced. But to suggest that she might have avoided being shot had she carried a weapon as she spoke to constituents that morning is inappropriate and inconsiderate. https://t.co/gnuSko0qcB

— Jeff Flake (@JeffFlake) April 7, 2018

Palmetto state pols have long been known for their bravado, bluster, and bullshit. Who among us can forget Joe (You Lie) Wilson? Then there was that Southern charmer Congressman Preston Brooks who attacked Senator Charles Sumner with a cane in 1856:

That may be a low country low blow but Malaka Norman deserves whatever he gets for mocking Gabby Giffords and for this bit of Palmetto state poo-poo:

Norman said he pulled out the gun, pointed it away from the meeting attendees and put it on a table for about five minutes while they continued their conversation over breakfast.

The move, Norman said, was intended to prove “guns don’t shoot people; people shoot guns.”

Norman is a state concealed carry permit holder and said he regularly brings his gun with him when out in public.

If anyone walked into the diner and started shooting, Norman told the attendees, he would be able to protect them because of his gun.

“I don’t mind dying, but whoever shoots me better shoot well or I’m shooting back,” he told The Post and Courier.

I’m not sure if that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard but it’s on the list. Repeat after me: gun nuttery is an ideology and the NRA is a cult. What would this bozo do if an angry white man with an assault weapon came after him? It’s unclear if Norman can do anything but shoot off his mouth. He’s good at that. In my experience, braggarts are rarely heroic. Remember the last politician who waved a gun around in public?

Norman may not be a pervert like Roy Moore but he *is* a real estate developer. That figures: they’re world-class assholes who make car dealers look honest. Exhibit A is the Insult Comedian, the braggingest man on the planet. Norman is on that list as well. And that is why Ralph Norman is malaka of the week.

Apr 09 2018

1 Comment

Free Republic, Immoral Values, Stupid Republican Tricks, Tommy T

Today on Tommy T’s Obsession with the Freeperati – reach out and touch someone edition

Hi, good people – not much to offer this week, I’m afraid. The “The Messicans Is Comin’ To Git Us” threads are boring. You could just play the bridge massacre scene from “The Death Of Stalin” and get the gist of what they want to do.

I would like to expound on one thing, though. I see a lot of doo-dah about “Reach out to Trump voters” like an olive branch and a kumbayah will somehow turn them into functioning human beings with a soul and stuff like that.

Forget it. Na Ga Ha Pen. The only thing they care about is themselves, and nothing will magically make them switch sides. We’ll see if The Darnold’s little trade war will hurt them badly enough by the fall elections, but it may not. This economic ship is like a cruise liner – it takes quite some time to stop it, or even change course.

How much of a lost cause is trying to win over Trump voters? Freeperville, a look into the collective id of the right-wing, has the answer. Strangely enough (or not) I found the answer in one of the Stormy Daniels threads.

I scrolled past one of the deleted comments, wondering (as I tend to do) what could have prompted its removal. On the next page, I got my answer, as someone there responded to the deleted post and quoted the content of it.

The mod squad quickly deleted the response (to try to kill the remainder of the quoted post), but like the Ghostbusters say, “We be fast, and they be slow!”

The content? Glad you asked.

To: WashingtonFire

“Trump is an alpha male, if he gets a fine piece of ass , he doesn’t mess around, he bangs the ass off it!”

This is the dialog you bring to a conservative Christian owned forum? Really?

28 posted on 4/2/2018, 3:29:43 PM by itsahoot (Welcome to the New USA where Islam is a religion of peace and Christianity is a mental disorder.)

See?

They don’t give a flying fuck. The only thing they regret is that they’re not the ones banging the ass off that fine piece of ass. What their wives don’t know won’t hurt them.

The “This is the dialog you bring to a conservative Christian owned forum?” bullshit is just duck-and-cover. It’s the response of someone who just got caught doing something repulsive by their wife. “Oh baby, I was just fooling around.”.

No you weren’t. You’re just embarrassed that you got caught saying what all of them feel.

“Trump is an alpha male, if he gets a fine piece of ass , he doesn’t mess around, he bangs the ass off it!”

“Alpha male”. Only gorilla troupes and wild dog packs have “alpha males”.

This is what they are. This is what they believe.

Pardon me if I don’t waste my time trying to reach out to these subhumans, and concentrate on registering voters for the Democratic Party.

See you good people next Monday.

And here’s the obligatory Trump meme:

Trump Strip Club

Tagged Clown shoes, Free Republic, Freeperati, Freepers, the stupid it burns, Tommy T, Wingnuts

Mar 23 2018

1 Comment

Adrastos, Law/Justice, Political Crack, Stupid Republican Tricks, The Darnold

March Madness On The Potomac

Yesterday’s septuagenarian smackdown was just a prelude to the crazy that was March 22, 2018. Mark the day, it was when it became obvious that the president* has decided to entrust his political and legal fate as well as our national security to his gut impulses.

For the better part of the last month, Donald Trump has been winging it. His standoff with his chief of staff, John Kelly, appears to be resolved for the time being, with Trump having decided to return to the seat-of-the-pants decision-making that he believes won him the presidency. That doesn’t mean he has fully given up the idea of firing Kelly, though. One outside adviser to the White House said Trump has recently mulled the concept of creating a new West Wing structure without a chief of staff, one that would instead have four co-equal principals reporting directly to him. Trump seems to be loving his new freedom. “He was fucking excited and jubilant,” said one Trump friend who spoke to him in recent days. “He was like, everything’s great and these fuckers in the media are beside themselves.”

Everything’s great? Who knew? I certainly didn’t. This is what happens when the dumbest guy in the room thinks he the smartest.

All presidents live inside a bubble but for Trumpy to think everything’s great as the Mueller probe closes in, Stephanie/Stormy is slated to appear on 60 Minutes on Sunday, and he maniacally fires people is crazy even for him. The March madness mantra at the White House is let Trump be Trump.

John Dowd is out as Trump’s personal lawyer to be replaced by a married pair of Fox News contributors and the possible return of Marc Kasowitz. It’s the legal equivalent of going to the mattresses and preparing for a PR war against the Special Counsel and his crack team. In contrast, Trump’s team is full of crackpots. Believe me.

I’ll miss mocking Dowdy, which is why I’m posting this Separated at Birth-style tweet:

John Dowd will be played by Timothy Spall. pic.twitter.com/qFTR0BTrJW

— Brannon McAllister (@brannonmc) March 22, 2018

There’s nothing funny about Thursday’s other big news. The McMaster baiting finally ended and he was fired. His replacement is the war monger’s war monger, John Bolton. Trump purportedly decided not to give Bolton a job before this because he didn’t like his mustache. I am not making any of this up. I wish I were, but March madness is in the air.

The Bolton appointment is a reminder of how bad the Bush Junior administration was. Bolton and his mustache came to public prominence during the Beavis-Duce years. He was unconfirmable as UN ambassador and was given a recess appointment. At the UN, he alienated friends, poured gasoline on fires, and made Dick Cheney look like a peacenik.

Bolton has inverted the Churchillian aphorism to “better war, war, war than jaw, jaw, jaw.” He makes John McCain look like George McGovern.

Long-time readers know that I’m usually a glass half full kind of guy. The Bolton appointment makes that well-nigh impossible. Bolton never met a war that he didn’t like or a treaty that he didn’t want to tear up. The Iran nuclear deal is dead and war with Iran is more than just Bibi Netanyahu’s wet dream. It’s a possibility.

The Trump presidency* seems to have reached its Hitler in the bunker moment. It’s March madness on the Potomac writ large. The ascendancy of Bolton and Pompeo means that the country is fucked unless Trump decides to ignore their advice in the same way he’s ignored the so-called national security “grown-ups.” That means we’re subject to the whims of the Kaiser of Chaos, which is not a place any of us wants to be.

The last word goes to the usually calm national security/foreign policy writer Fred Kaplan:

It's time to panic now. John Bolton's rise to power puts us on a path to war–and, since Trump appointed him while knowing his views, it means Trump wants to be on that path. My @Slate column: https://t.co/7Rv7Gn5mVS

— Fred Kaplan (@fmkaplan) March 22, 2018

Mar 21 2018

2 Comments

Adrastos, Film, Fog Of History, Law/Justice, Political Crack, Stupid Republican Tricks, Television, The Darnold, Twitter

When Scandals Collide

I’ve considered starting a regular feature: the scandal of the week. The problem with that notion is that it’s more like the scandal of the day, hour, or second. There are so many Trump administration* scandals, that my head is spinning like Linda Blair’s in The Exorcist:

We’ll skip the projectile vomiting GIF even though Team Trump makes me wanna hurl.

One of the funnier minor scandals is brain-dead retired brain surgeon Dr. Ben Carson’s $31K table at HUD. He’s acting like a character in a sitcom and blaming his wife. You cannot make this shit up, y’all.

This tweet from a Herriman biographer and Laissez Boy Michael Tisserand sums it up:

Waddaya mean you spent $31,000 on a kitchen table! pic.twitter.com/2CGzTpB8jn

— Michael Tisserand (@m_tisserand) March 21, 2018

Of course, Ralph Kramden was smarter than Ben Carson. I’ve decided Dr. Ben is a surgical savant. The man is a blithering idiot in the rest of life. He should heed my advice in this post from 2015: Brain Surgeon, Heal Thyself. I lied about the advice thing. I mocked him relentlessly in that piece. Trumper mendacity appears to be contagious.

Looks like I got sidetracked by what is best described as a brain surgeon fart. The focus of this post is *supposed* to be the two scandals that are consuming the president*: Kremlingate and the Stephanie Clifford Shitstormy. You can tell that Trumpy has retreated to the panic room of his mind when he attacks Hillary Clinton and tweets WITCH HUNT, WITCH HUNT. Insult Comedian meet Kaiser of Chaos.

Trump knows from witch hunters, his mentor the dread, as well as dead, Roy Cohn was Tailgunner Joe McCarthy’s sidekick. Cohn may have been an evil asshole but he was an excellent lawyer as opposed to the misfits, has-beens, never-wases, and wannabes Trump has assembled. There’s been tremendous turmoil and tumult on Trump’s legal team: they’re playing T-Ball while Team Mueller is playing hardball. It’s been hilarious to watch Dowdy, the Mustache Man, and company bumble. Making matters worse, Trump has added Fox News conspiracy theorist Joseph diGenova to the team; mostly because he saw him lying on Fox and Friends or some such shit. Shit meet storm.

In the Stormy Daniels case, Trump’s mouthy fixer, Michael Cohen, is up against a superb lawyer, Michael Avenatti. Cohen and his idiot client have stumbled into every trap laid by the cunning Avenatti. The non-disclosure agreement was supposed to keep Trump out of it by calling him David Dennison: chili magnet. Instead, Trumpy filed a massive counter-suit thereby outing himself. Dumbass.

Like Putin, Stormy/Stephanie must have some serious dirt on Trump or he wouldn’t be fighting back so hard. We all know that the overgrown, brain addled frat boys who make up much of Trump’s base envy his affairs with porn stars and Playboy playmates. My hunch is that he’s one of those rich guys who’s submissive and likes his bum bashed. That would not go down well with his debased base who mysteriously think this whiny baby man is a stud. Once again, weak lawyering makes Trump’s situation worse: Michael Cohen is a fixer, not a litigator. He’s in quite a fix right now.

The Stormy/Stephanie shit storm is a mere sideshow to the main event: Kremlingate. Trump is thrashing about, threatening people, and acting like a methy teenager. For the moment, he seems to have abandoned the “be nice to the wolf at your door” approach preferred by Cobby and Dowdy. That does not mean he plans to fire Bobby Three Sticks. Plan is a word that is not in the Insult Comedian’s vocabulary. Anyone who tells you that the Kaiser of Chaos is either going to fire or not fire Mueller is talking through their hat as a character in a Thirties Warner Brothers film would surely say at this pont. Nobody knows. Deranged people are unpredictable. He’s likely to do anything. Right now, he’s dangerous because he’s cornered. I have studied this president* very closely and cannot say for certain what will happen next. Believe me.

We had something confirmed last week with the firing of Andrew McCabe. In addition to liking blondes with big boobs, Donald Trump is a sadist and Jeff Sessions is a weakling. Firing McCabe at 10PM right before he planned to retire is an act of petty vengeance that will backfire. It’s called witness tampering and it’s something that Roy Cohn and your basic mob lawyers are adept at. Cohn would not have done it openly and never would have bragged about it on twitter. Of course, he died in 1986 but maybe they have social media in hell.

The Congressional Republican leadership continues to pretend all is well and that Trumpy is normal and worthy of defending. If the president* were not guilty, he would not be trying to derail the Mueller investigation both publicly and privately. He’s acting guilty because he is. The good news is that his efforts are clumsy and stupid. The bad news is that this criminal was elected at all.

Watching scandals collide is not pretty. It’s what Gret Stet Senator John Neely Kennedy would call “as ugly as boiled sin.” Stay tuned. The worst is yet to come.

Mar 14 2018

Poison Tea For The Tillerson

I’ve enjoyed my Tea for the Tillerson series and will miss having Rex Tillerson to kick around. Having said that, he was a rotten Secretary of State who hollowed out his department and did lasting damage to the foreign service.

Tillerson’s tenure at Foggy Bottom is proof positive that guvmint should NOT be run like a business. Tillerson was convinced he knew better than the area experts who populate the department. He tried to run it with a small cadre of loyalists and had no support at State when the crunch came. He was right on many policies but had no influence at the White House or in Congress. But the next guy is worse.

It’s been obvious for quite some time that Tillerson was not long for the job, especially after the “fucking moron” incident. Coming after he blamed Russia for the London spook poisoning, the timing made him look better than he deserved. Anyone who associates with Trump is diminished by the experience. Tillerson is just the latest in a series of dignity wraiths whose reputation has been damaged. But the next guy is worse.

The best description of the Rexit “process” came from New York Magazine’s Jonathan Chait:

Every Trump administration personnel shake-up is a noir story of terrible, incompetent people squabbling with other terrible, incompetent people.

It’s a nightmare for the American people, but the Kaiser of Chaos is building the administration of his dreams: populated by yes men, ass kissers, courtiers, and sycophants. The incoming Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo, is a former Tea Party Congressman who ran the CIA in an overtly partisan manner. That should have been disqualifying since the head spook should be sneaky and able to play his cards discreetly. As far as Pompeo is concerned, pleasing Trump is all the matters. But the next CIA director is worse.

The MSM is forlorn since their narrative of the “grown-ups restraining Trump” has been shattered by John Kelly’s malakatude, Rexit, and the rumored departure of the National Security Advisor who is still not McMaster of his domain. General Mattis is the lone remaining adult in the room. The rest of the crew fit this president’s definition of loyalty:

“I don’t want loyalty. I want loyalty! I want him to kiss my ass in Macy’s window at high noon and tell me it smells like roses. I want his pecker in my pocket.”

The president in question was Lyndon Johnson and he only half-way meant it. He had many strong people in his administration but he liked having yes men on the White House staff, especially as the intractable Vietnam conflict destroyed his administration. Unlike LBJ, Trump is an unqualified fucking moron who wants lackeys everywhere.

We’re on our own now.

Mar 07 2018

2 Comments

Adrastos, Law/Justice, Malakatude, Political Crack, Stupid Republican Tricks, Television, The Darnold

Malaka Of The Week: Sam Nunberg

Former Trump adviser and Roger Stone protegé Sam Nunberg had a manic Monday. I’m uncertain if it was performance art, an emotional meltdown or both, but it was a spectacular spectacle. And that is why Sam Nunberg is malaka of the week.

Nunberg worked for Trump for five years. He was ousted when the dread Corey Lewandowski became campaign manager. Nunberg blames Lewandowski and Hope Hicks for drawing attention to a bigoted tweet that proved to be his undoing. Ironic, innit? Half of the Insult Comedian’s tweets are bigoted and he won the electoral college. It’s good to be quasi king.

A subpoena from Team Mueller triggered Nunberg’s epic meltdown/publicity stunt. He did four, count ’em four, cable news interviews: two with CNN and MSNBC each. The craziest of the bunch was the one he did with Ari Melber on The Beat. The beat did indeed go on and on and on and on as did Nunberg.

Nunberg spent the segment asking for legal advice and bragging about how he planned to defy the subpoena because he didn’t have time to comply. Additionally, he called Trump stupid and the “most disloyal person you’ll ever meet.” My favorite bit was when he told Sarah Huckabee Sanders to shut up. The entire White House press corps has wanted to do so but have bit their collective tongues until they bled.

Despite the attacks, I wonder if Nunberg was trying to impress the president* with his brash bluster and bravado. The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s method to Nunberg’s malakatude, not madness. That’s what New York Magazine’s Olivia Nuzzi and the Atlantic’s McKay Coppins think and they know him better that the twitteratti. Here’s what the man with the Dickensian name wrote about Nunberg Monday:

But as anyone who’s known Nunberg for a while can attest, his behavior Monday doesn’t necessarily require special explanation. He’s been pulling stunts like this for years—this is just the first time he’s gotten the kind of audience he’s always craved.

I think that’s right. It was a tabloid stunt worthy of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. It’s just a pity that Nunberg didn’t flip a table: he might have gotten a rise out of CNN’s Jake Tapper or Erin Burnett. The latter insisted Nunberg had boozy breath, which wouldn’t surprise me in the least. He denied it, but who believes anything he says?

In the end, Nunberg appears ready to comply after his enormous meltdown/publicity stunt. Wise choice: Bobby Three Sticks will insist. I’m sure Numberg impressed Roger Stone, which doubtless was one of his goals. And that is why Sam Nunberg is malaka of the week.

The Nunbergian stunt gave me an earworm. He’ll have to comply with the subpoena or go to jail. They’ll give him no choice in the matter. The last word goes to Aimee Mann:

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Malaka Of The Week: Sam Nunberg