We’re all used to being lectured by Republicans. They think they’re the best people and they’re not shy about telling everyone that. I’ve always found it hard to take but in 2026, it’s intolerable. The GOP hypocrisy, it burns.
As a lifelong political junkie, I’ve heard it all. In fact, I’m tired of hearing it. Bluster and bullshit don’t wear well, especially when they bear no resemblance to reality. Trump’s GOP may be the reality show party but it’s steeped in unreality. I’m sick and tired of being sick tired of hearing their rhetoric.
That brings me to this list. The title is a bit verbose for my taste, but I want to be specific. The items are things Republicans have been saying for decades. In some cases, they were once true but no longer are thanks to the MAGA infestation. Others were never true, but when did that stop wingnuts from banging on? In any event, I’m sick of their shit and don’t want to hear it anymore.
I give you the Top Ten Things I Never Want To Hear From Republicans Again
NUMBER TEN: Remember when GOPers went on about Nancy Pelosi’s stock trading? I don’t think that elected officials should be trading stocks BUT the biggest offender is the biggest asshole in the land: Donald Trump with 3600 trades in the first quarter of 2026 alone.
NUMBER NINE: One of Trump’s selling points in 2016 was that he’d run government like a business. It’s an old GOP line but the Kaiser of Chaos took it to new levels. In fact, he has run the government like HIS business, which is why the economy is tanking. Who else goes bankrupt running a casino? The incompetence, it burns.
NUMBER EIGHT: Republicans claim to hate trial lawyers. They used to bang on about excessive and frivolous litigation. The GOP is now the party that sues first and thinks later. Litigation is one of the Insult Comedian’s favorite means of intimidation and now he has the DOJ to go after his enemies.
NUMBER SEVEN: Republicans used to call themselves the daddy party because of their tough foreign policy positions. In 2026, their president is submissive to the dictators of Russia and China and claims to be in love with the diminutive North Korean tyrant. If that’s tough, I’m an Atlanta Falcons fan. #sarcasm
NUMBER SIX: During the second Bush administration, GOPers demanded that everyone support the troops. Today’s GOP is led by someone who says the military is comprised of suckers and losers. He’s also the guy who started a war and is now bored with it. He’d rather talk about his fakakta ballroom.
NUMBER FIVE: Republicans used to be paranoid about the liberal media. They claimed the press was out to get them even as the media was moving in their direction. Fox was once the only wingnutty legacy media outlet, but they have plenty of company in 2026 including CBS News. Cronkite weeps; Henley sings.
NUMBER FOUR: The Kaiser of Chaos used to talk about the forgotten people his movement is allegedly about. Now he says he doesn’t care that his war of choice with Iran has had a negative impact on them.
Shorter Adrastos: They’ve forgotten the forgotten people. That’s unforgettable.
NUMBER THREE: Republicans still bang on about traditional family values when their dear leader is a thrice married man who shtupped a porn star not long after wife #3 gave birth to his fifth child. It’s all a numbers game with these people.
NUMBER TWO: Republicans love to preach about law and order and how tough on crime they are. There’s a problem: their three-time nominee is a convicted felon who dodged other charges thanks to John Roberts.
NUMBER ONE: During the Nineties Republicans told us repeatedly that Bill Clinton lacked the character to be president. Then the GOP nominated a candidate who claimed to be so irresistible to women that he could “grab them by the pussy” without objection. That’s a fancy way of calling the Insult Comedian a pervert. He was Jeffrey Epstein’s best friend for 10 years, after all.
The last word goes to Jethro Tull: