From Holden: I don’t know about you, but I learned that it is much more effective to walk directly up to your target and smush the pie into his face… .. than it is to lob the pie from across the room. Continue reading What Did We Learn Today, Children?

From Holden: Jebbie may have to retire early. Continue reading Don’t Destroy Social Security Just Yet, Georgie…

From Holden: Today the Assistant to the President and Homeland Security Advisor, Frances “Pinball Wizad” Townsend, was gaggled. Q It’s been three-and-a-half years since the September 11th attacks, when the President first issued the call for the intelligence agencies to reform themselves to meet the threats of the 21st century. Here we have another report saying that they haven’t done that. Scott said it this morning, that they haven’t done that. What’s the problem? Is it that these agencies are so unwieldy that they can’t reform themselves? Have they not been listening to the President? What’s going on? MS. TOWNSEND: … Continue reading Today on Holden’s Obsession with the Gaggle

From Holden: Jesus, what a talent. “I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later.” Continue reading RIP, Mitch Hedberg

From Holden: Damn, I almost let this day go by without paying my respects to a great American. Happy Birthday Cesar Chavez! Continue reading Happy Birthday Cesar Chavez!

From Holden: Go back to your bigotted little lives, in your bigotted little towns. Continue reading Don’t Let The Door Hit You

From Holden: Three U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq, no mention of them in presidential statement on WMD report. State of emergency in Iraq extended for 30 more days, why not just make it permanent? Another predator drone crashes, second in three days. Those dead-enders are quick studies. Continue reading About Iraq

From Holden: Caught this in Chimpy’s little nod to the biggest political mistake of his career: Laura and I extend our condolences to Terri Schiavo’s families. Continue reading Bush Calls Terri Schiavo a Bigamist

From Holden: Tom DeLay’s office just issued this press release: To: National Desk Contact: Dan Allen or Shannon Flaherty, 202-225-4000, both for House Majority Leader Tom DeLay SUGAR LAND, Texas, March 31 /U.S. Newswire/ — House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) today released the following statement mourning the passing of Terri Schiavo: “Mrs. Schiavo’s death is a moral poverty and a legal tragedy. This loss happened because our legal system did not protect the people who need protection most, and that will change. The time will come for the men responsible for this to answer for their behavior, but not … Continue reading DeLay Circles the Corpse

I wrote this short letter to the Dallas Morning News today in response to a front page story about a local biology teacher under siege for teaching evolution. Sir: On the subject of teaching evolution, the Reverend Ray Mummert of Dover, Pennsylvania, who is trying his best to ban the teaching of evolution there, made what I consider the definitive statement on the subject. “We’ve been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the culture,” he complained. Pretty much sums it up for me. I’ll only add this – I’ve been around long enough now that I remember the days … Continue reading Government of the stupid by the stupid for the stupid

From Holden: One of my earliest favorite anti-Bush websites, Bush or Chimp, is catching on in Belgium. Belgium’s interior minister was left red-faced after it emerged that photos comparing US President George W. Bush to a chimpanzee had been used in a police training manual. [snip] The pictures in question — reprinted by the newspaper — showed a series of the US leader’s facial expressions next to shots of a chimpanzee making apparently similar faces. They were intended to help trainee police officers in the western city of Bruges to recognize the importance of body language in dealing with the … Continue reading Bush or Chimp Goes International

From Holden: PNACer Bill Kristol received a well-deserved pie-ing last night in Indiana. IndyMedia has the video and provides these stills. As ye sow… Continue reading Neocon a la Mode

From Holden: Some wounds never heal. As many as one out of four veterans of Afghanistan and Iraq treated at Veterans Affairs hospitals in the past 16 months were diagnosed with mental disorders, a number that has been steadily rising, according to a report in Thursday’s New England Journal of Medicine. Continue reading Coming Home

Today’s Action comes from the Natural Resources Defense Council: Kimberly-Clark is one of the largest disposable paper product companies in the world, producing the popular Kleenex, Scott, Viva, and Cottonelle brand facial tissues, toilet paper, and paper towels. Although Kimberly-Clark claims to be an environmental corporate leader, the company manufactures the vast majority of its disposable tissue paper products from freshly cut trees instead of from recycled fiber. Many of the trees used in Kimberly-Clark products are logged in Canada’s pristine boreal forest, an ancient forest that stretches across the country and is home to hundreds of wildlife species, including … Continue reading Action Alert – Thursday, March 31, 2005

From Holden: Ah, yes. John at AMERICAblog tells us that the good folks who cultivated the deadliest homegrown terrorist in American history were planning a little party for this past Easter. Norm Olson, senior adviser to the Michigan militia and pastor of a strong right-to-life church in Wolverine, said Tuesday he had put together an unarmed coalition of state militias that were prepared to storm the Florida hospice where Terri Schiavo has been left to die, and take her to a safe house. [snip] Olson said that last Thursday he phoned Gibbs’ secretary with a message that he had organized … Continue reading Georgie’s Constituency

From Holden: As Atrios reminds us once again that Chimpy’s tax cuts for the rich have failed to deliver their promised jobs, new jobless claims balooned to 350,000 last week. In the week ending March 26, the advance figure for seasonally adjusted initial claims was 350,000, an increase of 20,000 from the previous week’s revised figure of 330,000 [originally reported at 324,000 initial claims]. The 4-week moving average was 336,000, an increase of 8,500 from the previous week’s revised average of 327,500. Continue reading I Think My Bush Boom Hangs With Tom DeLay’s Ethics

From Holden: The other day while strolling through the garden of opinion I commented that I’m really not much of a writer. This statement was met with choruses of flattering disagreement. But, really folks, there’s a difference between being witty and being a good writer. I know my strengths, and they reside in the snarky headline and the scathing caption (I’m also an accomplished cut-n-paster). Now, this guy, he can write. Continue reading I’m Witty, This Guy Can Write

From Holden: Here’s a bizarre story, read the transcript of Amy Goodman’s interview of Eli Chavez on Democracy Now. Mr. Chavez’s son Ron, a Halliburton employee in Iraq, was severly beaten by a group of fellow employees known as the “Red Neck Mafia” who apparently run Halliburton’s portion of the Baghdad International Airport. It’s not clear at this point whether Ron Chavez was beaten because he is Hispanic or because his efforts to strengthen security at the airport made him unpopular, but Eli Chavez is trying to get the Justice Department to do something about the beating. Continue reading The Red Neck Mafia

From Holden: You might start booking those flights to Canada within the year. If American forces aren’t pulling out of Iraq in a year, a draft will be needed to meet worker requirements, military analysts warned Wednesday. With recruitment lagging and no end in sight for U.S. forces in Iraq, the “breaking point” for the nation’s all-volunteer military will be mid-2006, agreed Lawrence Korb, a draft opponent and assistant defense secretary in the Reagan administration, and Phillip Carter, a conscription advocate and former Army captain. The U.S. military cannot deploy and sustain enough troops to succeed in countries such as … Continue reading Here Comes the Draft

From Holden: Chimpy took his Social Security Demolition Derby to Iowa today. Let’s see how he did. Here Georgie boldly promises that anyone receiving a Social Security check prior to 1950 will receive their check. The truth is, this government will keep its promise to those people who are receiving their check today and the promise to those who were prior to 1950. Once again, Chimpy claims that Treasury Bonds are not backed by the full faith and credit of the United States of America. Would someone, just once, ask this idiot whether or not he thinks his treasury bonds … Continue reading Baboon-a-palooza in the Corn Belt

From Holden: When you cater to the fundies you better watch out for that nasty backlash. And in keeping with the solemnity of the moment, meet Nathan Dorrell, Juggling Evangelist. Continue reading The Carnival Continues

From Holden: John Aravosis is too honest to steal this image from Will Pitt. I, on the other hand, am not afflicted with that condition. UPDATE: Compliments of Semper Fubar, William Pitt leads us to the source of this wonderful image. Continue reading I’m An Image Stealing Son-Of-A-Bitch

From Holden: The press corps is finally pressing Little Scottie a bit more on the bubble, or more specifically on the assministration’s practice of preventing American citizens from attending taxpayer-funded events with their president. And of course Little Scottie is a big fat liar. Q Scott, do you know who is dispensing tickets to this event? MR. McCLELLAN: I think it was given to — Senator Grassley’s office had a lot of the tickets and was distributing those tickets. I imagine some of the tickets were given to the community college, as well. Q Has the White House provided the … Continue reading Today on Holden’s Obsession with the Gaggle

From Holden: From an AP Poll: Two-thirds of Americans say no nation should have nuclear weapons, including the U.S., and most of the others say no more countries should get them. Continue reading More Sense Than Our Leaders

From Holden: This first one is a question rather than a caption. Florida, Where Are Your Rubber Bullets? An unidentified man is detained early Wednesday outside the Woodside Hospice, where Terri Schiavo resides, in Pinellas Park, Fla. (AP Photo/Steve Nesius) Link. This one is not much of a caption either, it’s a prediction. Ready-made Campaign Poster for the Next Primary Jeb Enters Continue reading Afternoon at the Captions

From Holden: U.S. President George W. Bush gets close with Kathleen Banowetz of Ely, Iowa, during a stop at a restaurant in Cedar Rapids, Iowa March 30, 2005. <a href="http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/050330/ids_photos_ts/r374699359.jpg&quot;.Link. Continue reading Uh-Oh. Somebody’s Wife Is Out of the Country

From Holden: Jeebus! Just what has Chimpy been smoking? President Bush insisted Wednesday that public opinion is leaning his way on his proposal for a Social Security overhaul and hinted at political problems for lawmakers who oppose him. Notwithstanding a host of recent polls showing waning public support for his proposal, Bush cited only the part of the surveys that shows the public is — as it long has been — aware of the program’s long-term fiscal problems. He only implicitly acknowledged the lingering skittishness among congressional Republicans — and outright opposition from most Democrats — for his proposal to … Continue reading Where Rocking Horse People Eat Marshmellow Pies

From Holden: Dan Froomkin gives Chimpy a well-deserved sparking for his practice of removing American citizens from taxpayer-funded events based soley on the suspicion that said citizens might openly disagree with him. Continue reading An Overdue Spanking

From Holden: Tanks for the Memories Rummy’s admonition that “you can have all the armor in the world on a tank and a tank can still be blown up” proves devastatingly true in Iraq. In the all-out battles of the 1991 Gulf War, only 18 Abrams tanks were lost and no soldiers in them killed. But since the March 2003 invasion of Iraq, with tanks in daily combat against the unexpectedly fierce insurgency, the Army says 80 of the 69-ton behemoths have been damaged so badly they had to be shipped back to the United States. At least five soldiers … Continue reading Two From Iraq