There’s no good way to do this, is there? Okay, fine. Land hard, roll left. This is my last post at First Draft. I’m hanging up the hockey skates and parking the crack van, leaving Adrastos and the boys the keys. I know it seems like 2020 broke everybody, but this isn’t that. Look, it’s been 16 years. SIXTEEN YEARS. This blog is in high school. It’s got its drivers license, can make itself a peanut butter sandwich and knows how to do its own laundry. It’s time. In 2004 I had a nice, normal, adult life doing what I … Continue reading Good Night, and Joy Be To You All

Sophia Loren exists, and bone structure is a real thing:  There is nothing that you can say. If you decide that you have to be an actress, because it’s something that you love, then you have to do what your mind teaches you, to put yourself in a situation where you only think about your life as an actress. Then you’ll see if you do or don’t get married. Life is not just one thing; it’s so many things, and sometimes so many things all together. There’s a photograph of her in the linked story above in a gold ball … Continue reading Not Everything Sucks: Goddess Edition

Fuck these people, don’t book them at your speaking agency:  Normally, when one administration passes the torch to another, there’s a stampede toward policy think tanks, law schools, various institutes and ideas festivals. But in this case? They should be shut out of the post-administration economy. Don’t offer them speaking gigs. No keynote addresses. No corporate conferences sponsored by national brands. No media “commentator” positions. Not for any of them. It’s time to stop the redemption train once and for all and leave it to rust on the tracks. Anyone who touches Brad Parscale’s book proposal with so much as the tip … Continue reading Cancel the Uncancelation

I spent the weeks before the election reading about the Warsaw Ghetto and in retrospect it was the best thing I could have done. Starving, desperate, dying, armed with homemade bombs and sharpened knives, people who had seen their entire families die or disappear held off the might of Nazi Germany for more than 30 days. They were overrun, of course, captured and deported or killed. By all means, lie down and despair, today. Throughout our history people have lined up to fight and die for a country that has never recognized their full humanity. They lived their entire lives … Continue reading You Get One Win and You Expect to Always Win, You Weak-Ass Punk Bitch Bastards

This week I ordered a bunch of these collapsible water containers. Like, just in case. In case what, Mr. A asked me, and I had no answer. Like, in case of a global pandemic causing widespread disruption that might eventually affect the water supply? It seemed like a better idea than bottles and bottles, and my back’s too weak to carry crates of them. So, basically humongous baggies, to be safe. There are cans of beans and tomatoes and a freezer full of food. I bought a duck from the local meat guy. I’ve never cooked a duck ever even … Continue reading Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Today

Two more days. I’m tired, you’re tired, everybody’s tired. Well, sack up, hoes. It’s going to be harder this time. Dark and getting darker, cold and getting colder, the isolation starting to freak everybody out. I have a bottle of champagne if it goes one way and a bottle of scotch if it goes another and I’ve got bail money for you and you and you and you, just tell me what you need. Tuesday night we’re going to have a Zoom van, I’m working out the logistics today. There are a couple of things we need to talk about … Continue reading On Decency