Category Archives: JOEY B SHARK

Unshy Trump Shysters On Parade

For the “cleanest man in America” Donald Trump sure has a lot of lawyers. They keep popping up like kudzu, making extreme statements and preposterous arguments from which they should shy away but Trump’s shysters are unshy. Word Press is convinced that’s not a word but Merriam-Webster begs to differ. I’m not gunshy about using unshy. If Word Press continues to object, I’ll cross that abridge when I get to it. It’s clearly over troubled waters

Team Trump’s shyster’s arguments have become increasingly unhinged as they continue to lose cases. Even some Trump judicial appointees have expressed outrage over this abuse of the legal process. Judges have the temerity to expect evidence in their court rooms. Evidence? What the hell is that?

I keep waiting for someone to make this pun: they’re flipping their Wigmores over the paucity of proof. Here’s a visual cue to explain that pun:

Rumor has it that John Henry Wigmore had a mighty hammer. I seem to have woken up on the punny side of the bed this morning. Insomnia makes me punchy, what can I tell ya?

The craziest thing said by a Trump shyster was this gem from former US Attorney and Fox News personality, Joe di Genova about Chris Krebs:

The former DHS official, diGenova said, is “a class-A moron” who “should be drawn and quartered, taken out at dawn and shot.”

Say it ain’t so, Joe. This could get you sued, disbarred, or banned from the baseball hall of fame.

A Joe-less Say It Ain’t So is also the title of a swell Weezer tune:

If you didn’t get the baseball history reference, it’s about this guy:

Where was I? Lost in a field of dreams, puns, and obscure references. Pardon me for that lapse. Perhaps I should ask the Impeached Insult Comedian. He seems to be in a pardoning mood.

Speaking of pardons, the Failing New York Times reported:

President Trump has discussed with advisers whether to grant pre-emptive pardons to his children, to his son-in-law and to his personal lawyer Rudolph W. Giuliani, and talked with Mr. Giuliani about pardoning him as recently as last week, according to two people briefed on the matter.

Mr. Trump has told others that he is concerned that a Biden Justice Department might seek retribution against the president by targeting the oldest three of his five children — Donald Trump Jr., Eric Trump and Ivanka Trump — as well as Ms. Trump’s husband, Jared Kushner, a White House senior adviser.

Projection thy name is President* Pennywise. That’s something he would do but not Joe Biden. He’s said repeatedly that he will not involve himself in DOJ business. A lesser man would want vengeance over the endless Hunter Biden smears, but this Joe says it ain’t so. But investigations by other arms of the DOJ seem likely. Come on down, Sovereign District of New York.

The Impeached Insult Comedian does not seem to understand that a pardon is an admission of guilt. If they ever appear in federal court, his chirren and Rudy might be required to allocute as to the nature of their pardonable offenses. That’s a cute way of saying that they can’t take the Fifth. In any event, a presidential* pardon doesn’t cover state crimes and the Manhattan DA’s office is Trump hunting. Stay tuned.

I’m not going to touch the idea of a presidential* self-pardon. I think it would fail a legal test, especially given the “quality” of Trump’s unshy shysters. I still think a resign and pardon scenario is more likely. For the petty Trumpers, it would have the virtue of making Mike Pence the 46th president and mess up all the 46 Joe memes out there:

It’s okay 47 rhymes with heaven. I’m in heaven when I dance cheek to cheek with the promise of the Biden administration.

Finally, the Kaiser of Chaos is so enraged by Bill Barr’s admission that there was no widespread election fraud that he may fire his ass. That would be good news for fans of the Trump-Hitler Barr-Goering analogy. Goering was fired by Hitler as he skulked in his bunker at the end of World War II. I’m too lazy to look into whether there’s a Trump-Barr Downfall video but I have this swell side-by-side picture of Wilhelm und Hermann:

I can’t let those two creeps have the last word. Instead, we should “talk to the lawyer, professional liar” as well as David Lindley and El Rayo-X:

Women In The Room

Joe Biden knows who elected him. It was women voters, especially women of color. The latest wave of appointments totals 13 of whom 11 are women; 6 of them are women of color and 2 are lesbians. Of the two men appointed one is a black guy for a grand total of 7 people of color in this wave.

Biden is off to excellent start in keeping his pledge to have an administration that looks like America.

When I first heard Janet Yellen’s name mentioned I had a D’oh moment. What Democratic woman is better qualified that the former Fed head who will be only the second person to hold both jobs? Senator Professor Warren is equally qualified, but her state has a Republican Governor. That’s likely to rule out Senator Bernie Sanders for a cabinet job as well: GOPer Phil Scott is Governor of Vermont. They’re both moderates but unlikely to select a Democrat to replace a Senator appointed to the cabinet. As the old saying goes: you gotta dance with those who brung you.

The most controversial nominee is apt to be Neera Tanden who has enemies on both ends of the ideological spectrum. Her detractors dislike Tanden because of her close ties to Hillary Clinton and her bad ass persona on the tweeter tube. I wasn’t aware that mean tweets were disqualifying. I’m also glad that Biden is willing to nominate someone who will generate heat, not light. There will be many battles to fight in the next 4 years, so a bit of controversy is a good thing.

The best thing about the all-chick comms staff is that it provoked a tirade from Kayleigh McEnany. Anything that pisses her off is fine with me.

I’m tired of writing about Team Trump so I welcome the chance to celebrate Team Biden-Harris’ commitment to diversity. It doesn’t surprise me: Biden’s selection of Kamala Harris proved that he’s serious about having a government that looks like the country.

A final request. I wish people would stop freaking out every time a name they dislike is floated by the media. It’s best to look at the totality of the team not those rumored to join it. Besides, after 4 years of Team Trump, anyone is an improvement. Who could be worse than Ross, Mnuchin, or Miller?

Not Everything Sucks & Sunday Catblogging: CATS ARE BACK

Yeah yeah yeah, vaccines, world peace, whatever. WE’RE GETTING A FIRST CAT, AMERICA.

First it was announced that Champ and Major, the German shepherds belonging to the president-elect and future first lady Jill Biden, would roam the White House. And now, after an absence of more than a decade, a cat is set to also join the ranks of presidential pets, Jane Pauley of “CBS Sunday Morning” reported on Twitter on Friday.

In an interview with Fox 5 in Washington, D.C., Dr. Biden hinted that if her husband won the presidency, she would not mind getting a cat.

“I’d love to get a cat,” she said. “I love having animals around the house.”

The cat’s breed and name were not immediately available. Representatives for Mr. Biden did not respond to a request for comment on Saturday.

Literally one conversation in the car with Kick about who was voting for who and why involved which presidents had what pets, so you have no idea the stir this news created in my household. Even Thing One and Thing Two here approve:


Quote Of The Day: Diplomatic Gumbo

As I listened to the incoming UN Ambassador Linda Thomas-Greenfield, I was proud to be an LSU graduate.

Here are edited highlights of her remarks yesterday:

I learned from my family. Mr. President elect, thank you for those generous words that you said about me. My parents had very little back in Louisiana where I grew up, but they gave me and my siblings everything they had and I know how proud they would be of this day. On this day, I’m also missing my mentor, Ambassador Ed Perkins, who served as the US Ambassador to the United Nations under President George HW Bush and President Clinton. And who was also from Louisiana. He told me constantly, “Linda, don’t undersell yourself.” And he would always do everything possible to lift me up.

He passed away last week, but I know he’s here with us today. And on this day, I’m thinking about the American people, my fellow career diplomats and public servants around the world. I want to say to you, “America is back, multi-lateralism is back. Diplomacy is back.” Mr. President elect, I’ve often heard you say how all politics is personal, and that’s how you build relationships of trust and bridge disagreements and find common ground. And in my 35 years in the foreign service across four continents, I put a Cajun spin on it. I called that gumbo diplomacy.

Wherever I was posted around the world, I’d invite people of different backgrounds and beliefs to help me make a roux and chop onions for the Holy Trinity and make homemade gumbo. It was my way of breaking down barriers, connecting with people, and starting to see each other on a human level. A bit of lagniappe is what we say in Louisiana. That’s the charge in front of us today. The challenges we face, a global pandemic, a global economy, a global climate change crisis, mass migration and extreme poverty, social justice are unrelenting and interconnected, but they’re not unresolvable if America is leading the way. Thank you.

I come from a food-oriented family and live in a food-oriented city, so this was a perfect message for this season. It’s also a refreshing antidote to the nonsense spouted for four years by Team Trump on the foreign policy side. To paraphrase Gordon Ramsey, isolationism can piss off out of my kitchen.

The entire Biden event was a refreshing antidote to the weeks of crazy following the election. The grown-ups are back in charge. Imagine appointing people on the basis of their qualifications, not on how they look. That’s what gave us the Exxon CEO as Secretary of State and he was by no means the worst appointee. He did, however, provide me with Tea for the Tillerson puns so it wasn’t all bad.

Speaking of puns, I’ve heard before that the incoming Secretary of State is a fellow punster. He certainly has a punworthy name: Blinken. I hope he does the pun community proud and doesn’t get in too much trouble with the media for having a sense of humor. It will be a refreshing change from the ponderous pomposity of Pompeo.

The appointment that pleased me the most was that of John Kerry as the climate guy. Appointing someone who’s an equal is a sign that Joe Biden is comfortable in his own skin and that the incoming president is serious about climate change, which is some serious shit.

Team Biden has a mess to clean up but it’s what Democratic presidents do. The magnitude of Team Trump’s corruption and incompetence makes it an even bigger challenge but most of it is reversible. Repeat after me: help is on the way.

Back to Ambassador Thomas-Greenfield. She’s from Baker, Louisiana, which is right next to Red Stick, but I won’t hold that against her. I eagerly await the inevitable “she’ll be good for Louisiana” pieces from the Gret Stet punditocracy. In this case, they might be right. She does present a refreshing stylistic contrast to the cornpone shtick of our fake hick junior Senator, John Neely Kennedy.

The last word goes to Little Feat with the number 8 song on my Louisiana Top 50:

Grown-Ups Are On It

God, it’s amazing how small a move this actually is, and how great it is at the same time: 

Today, I met with the co-chairs of the transition COVID-19 Advisory Board, Dr. Vivek Murthy, Dr. David Kessler, and Dr. Marcella Nunez-Smith.

They briefed me on the accelerating public health crisis. The facts they presented were alarming. Our country is experiencing surges in reported infections, hospitalizations, and fatalities all over the country, with virtually nowhere getting spared. Our doctors, nurses, and other health care workers are under enormous — and growing — strain.  This week’s news on progress toward a safe and effective COVID-19 vaccine is positive, but it will be many months before there is widespread vaccination in this country.

This crisis demands a robust and immediate federal response, which has been woefully lacking.

Here in Illinois we’re on the brink of another total shutdown, and all our extracurricular activities got axed this weekend, closing the park district fieldhouses and all the programs that were keeping us sane. I am pricing out ice rinks for our backyard, but somehow I’m still less panicked than I was back in March, because: in 8 weeks this will be run by adults and not a bunch of idiot reptiles.

Adults we may give a hard time to, adults we yell at lot, adults who might not do everything right the first time around but goddamn, adults we can trust to return a phone call and give a shit when somebody — millions of somebodies — is sick and dying.

I mean, read that over, above, and keep telling me both parties are the same. One has … scientists, that they’re listening to, and a plan to get things under control that will actually be carried out without constant drama. Another has Marjorie Taylor-Greene out here screaming about the tyranny of closing down Crossfit, what the actual fuck, government shutdowns are not causing these problems, A QUARTER OF A MILLION DEAD PEOPLE AND TEN MILLION CASES of a preventable disease are causing these problems.

And if I read one more op-ed citing “personal responsibility” and “local control” for a disease that cannot be prevented by either one, that crosses state lines and doesn’t care who your fucking mayor is, I’m going to lose my mind in several languages. There are things that are so big we can’t do them alone, people. That’s what a system of government is for.

We’ve spent the past four years in an experiment that says we don’t need a federal government. We’ve spent the past four years without one, actually, without any national leadership on anything at all. It’s not just that that leadership has been dumb and bad; that we’ve seen before. It’s that we’ve taken the GOP at its word, that government is useless, and we’ve erased it entirely.

It’s very clear now that there are times we DO need to be one country. When we do need to give California and North Dakota the same thing, which is a rule to wear masks and money to keep people home and out of the shopping mall hacking germs all over each other. When we ARE all affected equally by the actions of others, and there is no reason to pretend help has to stop at the state border when the problems don’t.

No one state can do this without closing its state borders. We almost did that last spring, and had we kept it up I doubt Illinois would be as big a trash fire as it is, thanks a lot Indiana and Wisconsin, but this is the point. We CAN’T close ourselves off from one another or the world. We have to be responsible for Indiana and Wisconsin even as they’re led by absolute nuclear-grade jackwagons. Our fate is your fate. There’s no other way to do this. We don’t have any other choice.

And in eight weeks we’ll have leadership that understands that, that fills jobs that need filling, that can distribute any vaccine in a coordinated, reasonable, scientific manner. And yes, the screaming Trumper morons we’ll always have with us, but remember the way you feel whenever a new announcement comes out of the Biden team. Read that statement up there. Think of what it will be like when the loudest voices in the room aren’t the morons anymore.

Hold fast, help one another when you can, and whatever you do, hold on. We’re almost there.


Bayou Brief: Nice Guys Don’t Always Finish Last

My latest 13th Ward Rambler column is up at the Bayou Brief. I’m proud of this one. It’s something only I could have written. Who else would have brought Mel Ott and Leo Durocher into a discussion of the 2020 election? Whether that’s a good thing is up to my readers.

Here’s the tagline:

Peter Athas on the 2020 election, Steve Kornacki, baseball history, and why Joe Biden is like nice guy Mel Ott and Donald Trump is like Leo “The Lip” Durocher.

The last word goes to Frank Sinatra and Gene Kelly:

Today on Tommy T’s Obsession with the Freeperati – “This is the song that never ends” edition

Actually, I feel a bit like Brak :  Pretty much burned out from watching too much news lately.


(If you missed Saturday’s Bonus “Obsession”, please click here for the fun and schaudenthingy.)


Good Monday morning, all!  Remember Mittens’ loss to Barack Obama in 2012?  The despair and hysteria among the Freeperati at the thought of being forced to have health insurance, and the realization that they had lost?

Go to the link above, if you will, and look at the quick progression along the Five Stages to Acceptance when Obama won.

It’s different this time.

Really different.

Weirdly different.

The cult has backed itself into a corner that has no exit. The Darnold said that he really won, and that Joe Biden cheated.

That Biden managed to fabricate 75 million votes, because of course he did.

Dr. Carrie Barron wrote, in Psychology Today:

“You might hear a tale of woe, and just have the feeling that the teller is not all that woeful. Maybe there is a need to blame or malign for secondary gain: attention, fame, money, importance or drama. Maybe the person is not in touch with reality and is retaliating against an imagined transgression. Some seemingly intact people can have paranoid fears at the core. In order to “defend” themselves, they act against others. Maybe the goal is to take someone else down for competitive, regressed, or even unconscious reasons. They just want what the other one has.”

And if someone you praise and support denies the cheating?

STFU, Bibi !

Netanyahu congratulates Biden

Arutz Sheva ^ | 8/11/20

Posted on 11/8/2020, 2:03:45 AM by Eleutheria5

Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu on Sunday morning congratulated Joe Biden after US news outlets declared him the winner of the election.

“Congratulations Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. Joe, we’ve had a long & warm personal relationship for nearly 40 years, and I know you as a great friend of Israel. I look forward to working with both of you to further strengthen the special alliance between the U.S. and Israel,” he tweeted.

Netanyahu also thanked Trump for his friendship and actions taken during his presidency.

“Thank you Donald Trump for the friendship you have shown the state of Israel and me personally, for recognizing Jerusalem and the Golan, for standing up to Iran, for the historic peace accords and for bringing the American-Israeli alliance to unprecedented heights.”


Outcome of election is still very much contested. So STFU, Bibi.
1 posted on 11/8/2020, 2:03:45 AM by Eleutheria5
To: Eleutheria5

Effing ingrate. No US President has EVER beeon(sic) a better friend to Israel. And this buttplug can’t wait to slide the knife in Trump’s ribs.

Lowlife move.

4 posted on 11/8/2020, 2:07:14 AM by DesertRhino (Dog is man’s best friend, and moslems hate dogs. Add that up. ….)

“A lot of you are in the real estate business, because I know you very well. You’re brutal killers, not nice people at all,” he said. “But you have to vote for me—you have no choice. You’re not gonna vote for Pocahontas, I can tell you that. You’re not gonna vote for the wealth tax. Yeah, let’s take 100% of your wealth away!”
The Darnold, addressing the Israeli American Council in 2019
To: Tommy Revolts

WTF? After Trump saved his ass! This won’t age well.Trump saved Bibi’s fat ass multiple times.

All Netanyahu had to do was say nothing. What a schmuck.

21 posted on 11/8/2020, 2:39:44 AM by Right_in_Virginia
There’s no need for that kind of language.
To: Eleutheria5

All world leaders throwing Trump under the bus .

43 posted on 11/8/2020, 3:35:55 AM by sushiman (i)

To: Eleutheria5

Effing piece of SH*T

50 posted on 11/8/2020, 4:05:19 AM by toddausauras (How far will the left go in terms of destroying our personal freedoms?)

Next in the trail of traitors – Et tu, Red State?

RedState sells out The Fop Posted on 11/7/2020, 2:55:04 PM by The Fop

After HotAir went over to the dark side over the past 4 years, I started reading RedState again and was pleased to see that Erick Erickson was no longer associated with them.

But ever since Wednesday morning, I’ve been keeping an eye on the tone of Conservative blogs.

RedState seemss(sic) quite calm and unperturbed by the steal. Yes, they’ve done some stories about alleged voter fraud, but their heart doesn’t seem to be very into it.

So far they have no stories about Giuliani’s press conference today. But they did have a story sticking up for Dan Crenshaw in his Twitter spat with new GOP congresswoman, who criticised his lack of fight.

Free Republic is for the people by the people. Nobody here trying to make a living in journalism. At this point, I don’t trust anybody in the political class, and that includes many blogger’s(sic) too.

1 posted on 11/7/2020, 2:55:04 PM by The Fop

And the hits just keep on coming….
…after the linky thing below, of course…

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The COVID Factor

The presidential election hasn’t even been definitively called and the circular firing squad is already forming. One could call it 1984 and 1988 in reverse. After those defeats, moderate and conservative Democrats turned on Walter Mondale and Michael Dukakis for being too liberal.

In 2020, some are turning on Joe Biden for being too moderate. A reminder that Team Biden worked closely with the Sanders and Warren people to produce the most progressive platform in party history. I, too, am disappointed in the result but there was a big turnout, which theoretically should have resulted in a blue tsunami instead of a close presidential race and disappointment down the ballot. As I said yesterday, we’re a Fifty-Fifty Nation.

I’m convinced that COVID is the primary reason for our electoral issues. Not using it as a club to beat the Impeached Insult Comedian with, that was the right thing to do. I’m referring to the severe impact the pandemic has had on the country and how we vote. Two of COVID’S effects are to the Democrats credit and one was out of our control.

We’ll do the sub-header thing today.

Canvassing: Since Democrats believe that COVID is real and easily transmissible, our GOTV efforts focused on early voting and mail-in ballots. In 2008 and 2012, waves of Democratic canvassers hit the streets in the last week before the election. That didn’t happen this year because of COVID. That’s to the Democrats’ credit: we don’t want people spreading or catching the virus via canvassing.

Republicans were not similarly inhibited in their canvassing or campaigning. President* Pennywise held a series of super-spreader rallies and GOP door knockers hit the streets. This is to their discredit, but it helped them at the polls. Freedom, man.

COVID Denialism: The central theme of the closing days of the Trump campaign was COVID denialism. Since *everyone* is tired of the pandemic, it was an easy sell with the science-hating GOP base. Freedom, man.

Joe Biden told the painful truth about the pandemic.  That was the only responsible course of action but it probably cost the Democrats votes. I’d rather lose votes than lives.

The Count: States with long experience of mail-in ballots obviously handled the count with more aplomb than states new to the process. In Michigan and Pennsylvania, Democrats attempted to pass legislation to allow the sorting and counting of mail-in ballots on election day. Under the influence of Team Trump, Republican leges rebuffed these sensible attempts. Once again, this is to their discredit.

It’s hardly an original observation to say that 2020 was a weird election. America has held presidential elections during wartime in 1864, 1916, 1944, 1968, and 2004. The 2020 election posed a more immediate problem: voting safely because of a public health menace. Most of us did the best we could with a terrible situation. The Republicans chose to pretend it was no big deal whereas Democrats acknowledged how bad the situation was as records were set on the COVID front nearly every day before and after the election.

Democrats have gotten used to cleaning up Republican messes. The post-Trump mess is the biggest by far. It’s complicated by the likelihood that the GOP will continue to hold the senate. The Senate elections were both disappointing and weird: some excellent candidates were recruited but lost close races. They were swamped by the enthusiasm on both sides this time around. That’s a rare occurrence.

Here’s the deal: Democrats have done the right thing regarding  the pandemic. It may have cost us at the ballot box, but our candidates told the truth instead of peddling lies and fantasies like Republicans. This is an explanation, not an excuse.

It’s extremely difficult to defeat an incumbent president for re-election. It’s only happened four time since 1912. It’s slowly happening as I write this. While many chased white whales, Team Biden focused on rebuilding the blue wall. The 2020 campaign has also transformed Arizona, Georgia, and North Carolina into battleground states. It’s time to break up with Florida and Ohio. The former will always be close but it’s a heartbreaker for Democrats.

Democrats should hold our heads up high and celebrate the fact that Donald Trump’s shitshow presidency* is about to become a sideshow, not the main event. That’s a tremendous accomplishment. We should follow Johnny Mercer’s sage advice and Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive. Mister In-Between can go fuck himself.

The last word goes to the late Johnny Mercer from the new swing state of Georgia:


Fifty-Fifty Nation

Let’s get this over with: I was wrong on Monday when I compared this election to 1980. I was in good company: the cautious veteran analyst Charlie Cook thought so too. I did, however, add a hedge: “I’ve been wrong before and I’ll be wrong again.”

What’s going on today is not about me but about the country. We’re not on the cusp of a new era but back to the sort of street fighting politics we’ve been engaged in throughout the 21st Century. It’s the deadliest kind of combat as our opponents are homegrown Fascists who disdain democracy and the rule of law. It’s why we have to keep at it and not give the bastards an inch.

For what it’s worth, I still think Joe Biden will win the electoral college along with the popular vote. The Impeached Insult Comedian got on his hind legs last night and declared himself the winner. Whatever, dude.

Was anyone surprised that Trump told another whopper? He even said “the voting should stop” when he meant the counting should stop. In a typically Trumpy move, he wanted the counting to continue in Arizona and stop elsewhere. They say that patience is a virtue, which implies one must be somewhat virtuous to be patient. It’s not in Trump’s DNA.

Michael Beschloss pointed out that this sort of delay in vote counting and election calling is not unusual:

The important thing is that all the votes be counted. If they are, I think Biden will be the winner but there will be a long slog through the courts. Even though Trump’s claims aren’t legally meritorious, it’s hard to have any confidence in the Supreme Court. They threw the election to Bush in 2000 and the current lineup is much worse than that group. That’s why we wanted a clear winner.

I think Josh Marshall nailed it this morning:

Biden looks on track to have a popular vote margin of maybe 4 to 5 percentage points. We can’t ignore the fact that close to half the country saw the civic carnage of the last twelve months and asked for more. That is an ominous harbinger. But with all that said, if Joe Biden is sworn into office in January that will be a great civic victory and service to our democracy which has been battered and assaulted over four long years. A win is a win is a win – if it turns out to be a win. And it probably will.

Athenae is right to tell us not to give into fear and keep on fighting both last night and this morning. One of the hardest things about life is bouncing back after a setback, which is what this is. It’s a setback, not a defeat although the Senate results are much worse than the presidential results. In a word: UGH. If that’s not a word, it should be: ARGH too.

I’m posting this venerable Kern-Fields song as something of a pick-me-up on this bleak morning:

This election points out the downside of being part of the reality-based community. As a pundit and a person, I try to be guided by logic, facts, and evidence, not passion. Trumpism is an irrational phenomenon featuring Donnie from Queens and Manhattan as the avatar of rural America. Like many New Yorkers, he regards them with contempt as hicks and yokels. This disdain seems not to matter to his base.

I’ve never understood people who vote based strictly on what’s in it for them. It’s not as if there are direct benefits from any election. But some people are selfish, and they’ve found their apotheosis in President* Pennywise and his empty ism.

Our former colleague Doc wrote about what he called the “Fuck You” Nation multiple times. They said fuck you to the rest of us last night. I hoped that selfishness was not *this* contagious but it’s more widespread than expected. In a rational world, last night’s results should have been a repudiation of the Kaiser of Chaos. I guess we should all say fuck you to the “Fuck You” Nation.

We live in a Fifty-Fifty Nation politically. I had hoped that era of squeakers was over but other than 2008, all our presidential elections this century have been tighter than a tick. And 2008 was down to an extraordinary candidate who captured the moment as well as anyone on our history. In 2020, we had a good candidate who ran a good campaign, which makes this mess even harder to take.

The last word goes to Frank Zappa and the Mothers:


Scattershot Election Observations

It’s been a long time since I posted something other than Odds & Sods on Saturday. A combination of hurricane agita and post-Zeta exhaustion made me less prolific this week. Hence this post.

I remain cautiously optimistic about a Democratic sweep on Tuesday. A more competent group of ratfuckers might do more damage than Team Trump but the solution to ratfucking is TURNOUT, TURNOUT, TURNOUT.

Early voting has been amazing. Texas is suddenly a swing state, not a white whale because of it. They have easily exceeded their ENTIRE 2016 vote total thereby pleasing me and my liberal friends and relations in the Lone Star state. Once again, this proves that the cure for ratfucking is TURNOUT, TURNOUT, TURNOUT.

It’s time for our first musical interlude:

I know that’s not a political song it’s from Rosanne’s I Broke Up With Rodney album, but the title works so don’t scoff at me.

President* Pennywise’s behavior on the stump hasn’t surprised me but it’s still shocking. The Omaha rally mishigas is a perfect metaphor for his presidency*. He stranded his supporters in the cold and didn’t give a shit about it whatsoever. It sounds as if they stiffed the bus company or some such shit.

A reminder that the Omaha rally was held to hang on to one electoral vote because Nebraska apportions them by district. They know they’re losing.

It’s time for our second musical interlude:

Who knew that the short-lived Bay Area band Moby Grape would be relevant in 2020? The only things I know about Omaha is that Jack Nicholson’s last great film About Schmidt was set there, and that Bob Gibson and my friends the Homans are from Omaha. Moby Grape was not.

The Trump super-spreader rallies are for him, not for his supporters. He’s so needy that he needs the adoration of strangers in red hats that he sold them. Trumpers are the perfect marks. Fortunately, not everyone who voted for him in 2016 is a mark and many have rebelled.

There was a bizarre incident at a Trump rally in Tampa Florida. It was so hot in the crowd of unmasked marks that the fire department misted the crowd with fire hoses. The Impeached Insult Comedian once again showed that he has no idea of how anything works. He saw it happening and said: “Friend or foe? If they’re foes, we’ll take care of those sons of bitches.”

Nice, Donald. The biggest SOB at that rally bestrode the stage. Sorry for using such a big word but I don’t speak only Jerkish.

Let’s move from foes to friends. Team Biden has run a superb campaign. Whoever came up with the idea for Drive-In rallies is a genius.

Using former president Obama as an attack dog was also a swell idea: it lets Joey B Shark take the high road. Obama has been on the trail needling Trump and Fox News. It’s a reminder of what a funny man Barack Obama is. And the Kaiser of Chaos hates being mocked. Humor is the best medicine against him.

Team Biden also gets high marks for listening to the locals. In 2016, Team Clinton ignored warnings from Michigan and Wisconsin that electoral trouble was brewing. In 2020, the Biden campaign is working closely with swing state campaigns. In fact, Mark Kelly is running such a good senate race in Arizona that he’s likely to pull the national ticket to victory on his coattails.

In other 2020 is not 2016 news, Joe Biden’s personal favorability ratings have gone up. Trump’s attacks have been ludicrous. Who believes Biden will abolish God and air-conditioning? Not even President* Pennywise.

A quick note about the Georgia senate race between David (Not The Chicken Man) Perdue and challenger Jon Ossoff. They had a debate and Ossoff gutted the incumbent:

Perdue cancelled the last debate so he could attend one of President* Pennywise’s COVIDY rallies.

David Perdue is a pussy. He should grab himself.

I’ll have more on Monday about the election and which past election this feels like.  Hint: it’s not 2016. It was not the only election in our history, y’all.

The last word goes to Badfinger:


Happy Joe Biden Things

I know it seems like I’m desperate, right, like all I want in this job now is a MAMMAL and I’m flexible, like if we can rig up some lights for the iguana maybe that could work, but Joey B. Shark represents the forlorn recollection of a time when we had a president who didn’t treat people like shit: 

Yet, far more telling is Joe Biden’s history of support for transgender and non-binary people, something that has surprised even the occasional seasoned political reporter when I’ve briefed them. A week before the election in 2012, Biden told the mother of a transgender child that discrimination against trans people is “the civil rights issue of our time,” in that moment the most assertive public statement of support by any national leader specifically addressing trans rights.

In 2017, he endorsed Danica Roem, the first openly trans person to be elected to a state legislature in U.S. history. Del. Roem — who has won rave reviews for her laser-like focus on constituent concerns like transportation — received a phone call from Biden the night she won and made history, captured in a photo that went viral. Two years prior, Roem had met Biden after the death of his son Beau Biden, and she wrote movingly of his empathy in that moment.

Sarah McBride, the first openly-trans person to speak at a national convention and currently in a bid to become the first openly-trans state senator in the United States, has spoken numerous times of the Biden family’s insistent public support for trans rights, specifically the vice president, who wrote the foreword to her memoir released in 2018.

It would be so nice to have someone in office who doesn’t kick kindergarteners. It really would.


Debate Roundup: Come On, Man

I used the North By Northwest image because I wanted to flee the debate. Any time spent listening to Donnie from Queens’ nasal whine take a lot out of me. He is quite simply the most annoying public figure of my lifetime. I’m cautiously optimistic that this will be his last debate as a presidential candidate. Repeat after me: Donald Trump is an asshole, misogynist, racist, and mentally ill criminal.

It’s hard for me to judge these debates because I detest President* Pennywise and his every utterance. He was not as unhinged or feral as in the first debate. I’d give him 7 out of 10 on the Trump awfulness meter whereas he scored a perfect 10 last time.

Trump’s task was to convince alienated Republicans and Republican leaning independents to give him another chance. He failed. The “Biden corruption” segment was only comprehensible to political junkies and those who live in the right-wing media bubble. Most people think that Joey B Shark is an honest man, and that Trump is not. Repeat after me: Nobody cares about Hunter Biden.

Unlike many in the Crack Van, I thought Kristen Welker did a good job. It’s impossible to stop Trump from going on and on but she did a better job of containing his verbiage than Chris Wallace did in the first debate. It’s all you can do with this rude, mouthy motherfucker.

Biden was not quite as good as in the first debate, but he did what he had to do. He scored points, especially in the COVID, race, and “babies in cages” segments. Trump was appalling on all those issues. One thing I know for sure is that the guy who says they’re the “least racist person” in a given room is actually the most racist.

Trump’s most horrifying moment was when he showed no compassion for the migrant children who have been separated from their parents. President* Pennywise kept claiming that they’re well-treated and they were brought to America by “coyotes” not their parents.

Trump unleashed a blizzard of bullshit and an avalanche of lies during the debate. I’m glad I don’t have the fact check the lying bastard. Daniel Dale is a freaking saint.

A reminder that every time the Kaiser of Chaos opens his mouth, he loses votes. Here’s why: he only cares and talks about himself. Period. Case closed.

The stakes were lower for Biden. I thought that he won the debate. He’ll keep his lead and, hopefully, become the 46th president. I look forward to removing the asterisk, which will remain permanently attached to his opponent like Hester Prynne’s scarlet letter.

People are tired of the Impeached Insult Comedian shooting off his big fat bazoo. It’s time for him to go. Make it so, America, make it so.

October Surprise Overkill

The phrase October Surprise was first coined in 1980 by Ronald Reagan’s campaign manager/CIA Director Bill Casey. How’s that for a Republican combination? So much for not mixing national security and politics.

Casey was referring to the possibility that the Carter administration would free the American hostages in Iran before the election. It did not happen. Many years later, a guy named Gary Sick claimed that Team Reagan had interfered with the negotiating process a la Team Nixon in 1968. The latter meddling has been confirmed, the former has not. So it goes.

Like a group of demented chimpanzees on meth, Team Trump is throwing one October Surprise after another at the wall. It’s like shit, they figure some of it is bound to stick. Thus far it’s only stuck with committed Trump voters; some of whom should be committed to what used to be called the laughing academy. President* Pennywise should be the first in line.

They’ve tried bizarre variations on the Hunter Biden theme. Nobody cares about Hunter Biden. To be effective, an October Surprise must be something the public gives a shit about such as the Vietnam War, the Iran hostage crisis, or Comey-Clinton. Perhaps not the latter but the jolly green former FBI director cared. About his image.

Speaking of images, some wingnut Trumper posted this:

How dare Joey B Shark love his son. Heartless bastard.

I hope I’m the first to call this bozo Cardildo, but I somehow doubt it.

Another October Surprise landed last night. The man who puts the Rat in Ratcliffe held a sinister presser announcing Iranian interference in the election. The Director of National Intelligence/political hack made the announcement at FBI HQ. It looked like a hostage video starring Chris Wray. Hmm, is he related to Link?

Funny thing that it’s the Iranians doing the October Surprise Rumble, not Russians. Let’s party like it’s 1980 and Walter Cronkite is still counting down the number of days Americans have been held hostage.

In other October Surprise news, Trump is thinking of firing Barr and Wray because they didn’t produce one. How dare Bill Barr fail in his mission to frame Joe Biden, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton. What’s next? A “lock him up” chant aimed at Barr? Or as President Pennywise recently said at a MAGAPALOOZA: “Lock them all up.” To paraphrase the legendary movie mogul Sam Goldwyn: “Include yourself in.”

Sam Goldwyn didn’t actually say all the Goldwynisms attributed to him. I wish the same could be said for Trumpisms. It’s what happens when you’re an asshole who never shuts the fuck up.

The one October Surprise I was devoutly hoping for isn’t happening as of this writing. The Impeached Insult Comedian isn’t bowing out of a second debate. Now I have to watch and write about it tomorrow. Damn you, Donald.

Repeat after me: Donald Trump is a pussy. He should grab himself.

Since October Surprise Overkill gave me insomnia last night, the last word goes to Colin Hay:

Republicans In Disarray: They Know They’re Losing

It gave me great pleasure to write that post title. I’m still gazing at it with affection after all the ‘Democrats in disarray” headlines in Politico and elsewhere over the years. As Athenae pointed out yesterday, the elite political press has been in the bag for the GOP since the Reagan years. They should get out of the bag and wake up and smell the coffee.

Republicans are not only in disarray, they’re in denial as this WaPo report from the capitol of wishful thinking, the Trump White House, indicates:

Trump’s team spent much of its time in recent days trying to position itself for a 2016 repeat, scouring the electoral college map for what advisers concede is a shrinking set of potential paths to victory and looking for voting populations that could still be swayed by the campaign.


Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) and other Republicans have urged the campaign to focus on messaging that would help senators in difficult states, such as Arizona, Maine and North Carolina. But Trump has argued to McConnell and others that the senators would be doing better if they were more supportive of his agenda.

Multiple people involved in the Trump effort said the Thursday meeting at the RNC led to agreements on the way forward that have ended, for the moment, a mood that has at times grown grim inside the Trump operation, with finger-pointing over who should be responsible for a potential loss — and whether it should be attributed to an undisciplined message, the coronavirus pandemic or campaign spending and choices made by former campaign manager Brad Parscale.

See what I mean about denial? The incumbent president* is still trying to run an insurgent campaign; an effort that’s doomed. He has an indefensible record to defend. His disastrous handling of the pandemic had led to an economic crash much worse than in, say, the European Union. They took COVID seriously and dealt with it early. The pandemic, however, is so bad that countries such as France are *still* having a second wave. Imagine Team Trump trying to cope with a second wave here. I shudder at the thought. Herd mentality. Freedom, man.

The WaPo article also discusses Team Biden warning its supporters to keep their foot on the gas pedal or as an American naval hero once said, “Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.” It was fun to quote Admiral Farragut’s disputed quote. It fits the moment.

Team Biden’s warnings are precisely how a winning campaign approaches the home stretch of a campaign. They cautioned against complacency in the face of great polls but remain confident in their approach to the campaign. I wrote about the distinction between confidence and cockiness in June. It applies to complacency as well.

The reason I’m confident in the outcome is that Republicans know they’re going to lose. This quote from the Denver Post illustrates the extent of their disarray:

“There is no reason for either side to put another dime into this state. It’s over,” said David Flaherty, a Republican pollster in Colorado who predicts “historic” losses for his party Nov. 3.

“It is undeniable. The train wreck and implosion of the president will bring a historic number of other Republican candidates down, and if you don’t believe that then you have your head in the sand,” he added.

Senate races in Colorado and Arizona show the importance of recruiting strong candidates: John Hickenlooper and Mark Kelly appear headed to victory. I’m feeling good about Maine and Iowa as well. Many of the other races depend on a strong showing by the top of the ticket as happened for the GOP in 1980 and the Democrats in 2008. A 7 to 10-point win will lift other Senatorial boats; a reminder that Democrats won the 2018 mid-terms 53-45%. That depends on a strong turnout focused on defeating a horrendous president* and horrible senators. The term “throw the bums out” was never as salient as it is in 2020.

The original focus of this post were the Republican rats fleeing the sinking ship by saying publicly that Trump is going to lose and drag his party down to defeat. It’s another reason for my confidence in the outcome. They know they’re losing.

Among the Republican grandees who think the Kaiser of Chaos will lose in a landslide are Rupert Murdoch, Ben Sasse, and Ted Cruz. I have no compassion for any of them. A venerable aphorism comes to mind: “You made your bed, now lie in it.”

Texas Senator John Cornyn has issued a milder rebuke. He compared his relationship with Trump to a bad marriage. I am not making this up.

Sasse and Cruz are among the GOPers who have long understood what a loathsome human being their party’s nominee was and is. Now they’re worried about a “bloodbath.” Poor babies. #sarcasm. In the immortal words of the Rolling Stones:

Senators such as Sasse and Cruz sold their souls to President* Pennywise in exchange for tax cuts and judges. Cruz, who is almost as horrible a person as Trump, should have known better. I don’t know about you, but I’d never forgive the man whose henchmen were behind this:

I love re-posting that image. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Democrats should be relentless in the last two weeks of the campaign. Joe Biden has been an excellent and surprisingly disciplined candidate. He’s focused like a laser beam on the intertwined issues of the pandemic, economy, and health care.  He has refused to rise to the Republicans’ bait on culture war issues. He’s waved them off with a laugh and a grin.

Mockery is always the best medicine against the Impeached Insult Comedian. He’s a bully who can dish it out but can’t take it. Repeat after me: Donald Trump is a pussy. He should grab himself.

As long as Trump insists on focusing on his “miraculous recovery” from COVID, he’s destined to lose. A clear majority of the country think his handling of the pandemic has been a disaster. Hell, even Moscow Mitch believes in masking up and social distancing. It’s a pity he seems on the way to winning his race, but Turtles excel at self-defense unlike cartoon villains.

The last word goes to The Beatles with a song dedicated to Republicans in disarray:

Happy Joey B. Shark Things

You know, we can and should still have a shit ton of fun in this fight. I missed this absolutely ADORKABLE interview when it happened and if I have to catch up with it so do all of you:

I love her so much. And he’s just a gigantic walking Dad Joke which, let’s be honest, is kind of what you want the president to be. A grown-up, trying way too hard, not always getting there.


Joe Biden Has Donald Trump’s Number

“Joe Biden wasn’t my first choice” is a common refrain heard around the virtual water cooler. He wasn’t mine either: Elizabeth Warren was my clear first choice. Biden proved that being people’s second or even third choice in a field of thousands isn’t a bad thing. It’s how he won the nomination.

I have come to believe that Joey B Shark is the perfect candidate to face Donald Trump. A reminder that Trump was impeached because he feared facing Joe Biden in the general election. He dispatched his toothy henchman Rudy Giuliani to dig up dirt on the Bidens. It backfired spectacularly.

The former Veep’s personal qualities are kryptonite to President* Pennywise. Biden’s warmth and empathy are formidable tools during the pandemic since his opponent’s only weapons against it are bluster, bravado, and bullshit. It’s the candidate who “cares about people like me” versus a man who only cares about himself. What better contrast could there be?

In 2016, the Kaiser of Chaos passed himself off as a “man of the people” because he’s a crude lout. It was phonier than his $70,000 hairdo. Joey from Scranton is the real deal. He doesn’t have to pose and posture, he’s Joe Sixpack only without the beer. One of the few things the two candidates have in common is that neither drinks. Trump is punch drunk, not booze drunk.

That vile “debate” last week is clear evidence of how Biden gets under Trump’s skin. Trump arrived angry and proceeded to get stupid angry. Joe’s default response was to laugh at his opponent. Like all humorless people, Trump hates being laughed at and got angrier and angrier as the evening went on. The mask was off. The country saw the real Donald. It was not a pretty sight.

Joe Biden is a party man. That’s why he has moved to the left to reflect the party whose standard bearer he is. His opponent is a party of one. Joe Biden wears his flaws as a badge of honor. His opponent denies having any. He’s “perfect” like the phone call that led to his impeachment.

Yesterday, Joe Biden gave one of the best speeches of his life. The setting was Gettysburg, the site of one of the most important battles in American history. It led to the Emancipation Proclamation, Lincoln’s re-election, and ultimately victory in the War of the Rebellion.

The speech’s main topic was race: how we got to this moment and where we go from here. He went farther than his former boss ever dared. This was my favorite passage:

There’ve been powerful voices for justice in recent weeks and months, George Floyd’s, six year old daughter, who I met with, who looked at me and said in her small child’s voice, “Daddy changed the world.” Also, Jacob Blake’s mother was another. When she said, “Violence didn’t reflect her son and this nation needed healing.” And Doc Rivers, the basketball coach, choking back tears when he said, “We’re the ones getting killed. We’re the ones getting shot. We’ve been hung. We keep loving this country and this country does not love us back.”

I think about that. I think about what it takes for a black person to love America. That is a deep love for this country. That has for far too long, never been recognized. What we need in America is leadership that seeks to deescalate tensions, to open lines of communications, to bring us together, to heal, to hope. As president, that’s precisely what I will do.

In 2016, Trump was a Teflon candidate, nothing stuck to him. In 2020, he’s a Velcro candidate, everything sticks to him. The cumulative weight of four years of lies, corruption, and outrageous conduct are catching up with him. Drip, drip, drip.

It’s not just one thing that’s bringing the Impeached Insult Comedian down, it’s everything. It’s also the guy he’s running against: the steady, reliable, and eternally underrated man we at First Draft call Joey B Shark.

Joe Biden is the anti-Trump and the antidote to him. He has Trump’s number.

The last word goes to Boz Scaggs:

Debate Roundup: Unfit & Unhinged

Donald Trump knows he’s losing. He didn’t even try to appeal to the voters he needs to win. He knows he’s losing.

It was Mr. Normal against Mr. Abnormal. I thought Joey B Shark held his own against the $750 Man. I grew up with a kid who stuttered. He got flustered when everyone started talking at once as little boys are prone to do. All the noise coming from Trump must have bugged the former Veep, but it didn’t show.  Donald Trump knows he’s losing.

As for the Impeached Insult Comedian, he bellowed, blustered, and lied. At times he made no sense. It was all word salad, all the time. In the Crack Van I interjected some of the non sequiturs and nonsense coming out of his big fat stupid bazoo; “RAKE DA FOREST. DON’T LOSE DA COWS. HUNTER BIDEN.” Donald Trump knows he’s losing.

The low point was when President* Pennywise declined to denounce white supremacy. Instead he provided the so-called Proud Boys with a rallying cry:

“Proud Boys, stand back and stand by. But I’ll tell you what, somebody’s got to do something about antifa and the left, because this is not a right-wing problem, this is a left-wing problem.”

I have no idea what they’re proud of. Racism is nothing to be proud of. The Proud Boys can go fuck themselves.

If the $750 Man thought this would move any votes, he was wrong. The needle is stuck. It’s not moving. Donald Trump knows he’s losing.

I was impressed with Biden’s poise and composure. He was justifiably cranky at times but that’s as far as it went. His best line was: “Why don’t you shut up, man?”

In contrast, the sitting president* was unfit and unhinged. He shouldn’t be allowed to take a tour of the White House let alone live there.

Donald Trump is unfit and unhinged. He knows that he’s losing. Make it so, America, make it so.


Please, They Already Have My Vote

Mitch McConnell tries to have phone sex with me:

Donald Trump makes me want to vote for Biden twice:

Joey B. Shark is an enormous dorkwad on his best day, there has been nothing cool about him since 1957 and that’s actually one of the coolest things about him, but damn if Republicans aren’t going out of their way to make him look BADASS.

I mean it. Every day some YAF-minted dickwad in a $14 suit hops on Fox to say Joe’s going to let the Black Panthers run the State Department I’m like shit yeah, let’s rumble.

They post “what a pussy” pictures of Joe in a black facemask and suddenly Joseph Robinette Biden becomes a BRILF, a Bank Robber I’d Like to Fuck.

Joe “about that busing thing” Biden wants to abolish the police and give your McMansion to welfare people. It’s ABOUT TIME he went in that direction, who needs a 6,000 square foot house to themselves, you can give BLM some room in there, you won’t even notice.

He wants to burn down the Burger King! Have you EATEN at a Burger King lately? Bring. It. On.

If the Democrats retake the Senate they’ll pack the courts with ideologues and make a bunch of places states and suddenly we can put an NFL team in American Samoa that will fuck up the entire rest of the league? DOOOO EEEEET.

Biden hates the police! WELL half the comments on cop PR posts are firefighters bragging they’ve spit-roasted the entire department’s badge bunnies. Whose side you want to pick in that fight, the guys who rescue children and kittens or the ones who empty a mag into anything that bugs them and then whine when someone’s sign is rude?

They keep this up, I’m going to take their advice and vote eight times, one for each orgasm.


Happy Biden/Harris/BBarryBamz Thing

There’s so much noise that we forget we can have any fun at all with the campaign. We need to have a little bit of fun.

I really wish I could take Kick to hear Kamala speak.


What Joe Biden Hasn’t Done

Hasn’t condemned looting and property damage that follow protests.

Hasn’t put the flag in the background of the Democratic Convention or in any commercials or campaign events.

Hasn’t mentioned God and/or took God out of the Pledge of Allegiance.

Is going to take away people’s guns.

“You are actively trying to amend your Second Amendment right and take away our guns,” the man said.

“You’re full of s—,” Biden replied, adding that “I support the Second Amendment.”

Opposes law and order. 

Hates police.

I can do this all day, you know. I can line-by-line refute what’s being shared around various circles and pages that might be owned by people you know or might be run out of a Fox shop or might be backed by Daily Caller pieces or might just be horseshit of the worst possible kind. I can show everyone where they’re wrong.

Are they going to listen to me? Or am I just some liberal loudmouth who hates their freedom and wants to destroy America? Or is there going to be another list full of other items that are terrible, of things Joe Biden has done and not done? And after I fact-check that list, another?

I’m not sure it matters what Joe does or doesn’t say. The past 7 days have been an object lesson in the power of Fox News, Facebook and other right-leaning partisan media in driving a false narrative about what Joe Biden and the Democrats do and don’t do.

I’m honestly not sure if the truth matters to people who are looking to express defensiveness and belligerence instead of honest political views. I’m honestly not sure there’s any profit in handing out Pinocchios to people who are still “for” their team and “against” the other one, citing issues that don’t exist and can’t be proven beyond a copypasta from your neighbor who knows a guy who heard from someone.

I’ve been tired of the meme wars since 2016 and my exhaustion has tipped over into aversion.

I don’t actually disagree with Michael Moore here: 

“I’m warning you almost 10 weeks in advance. The enthusiasm level for the 60 million in Trump’s base is OFF THE CHARTS! For Joe, not so much,” he later added.

He continued to voters: “Don’t leave it to the Democrats to get rid of Trump. YOU have to get rid of Trump. WE have to wake up every day for the next 67 days and make sure each of us are going to get a hundred people out to vote. ACT NOW!”

That I can give you those links, that I can check every fact, verify every statement, plus name four people who won’t be able to stay in this country if he has his way, that I can name 10 directly affected in verifiable personal ways by this administration to the adverse effect, holds no water with anyone when there’s a 24-7 propaganda network blaring that all violence is leftist violence. That Joe Biden would make it worse. That we have no choice but to re-elect Trump in some act of aggression against all the forces of the 21st century “ruining” America including some, let’s be honest, over which not even Trump has control.

Trump cannot make athletes play if they don’t want to. He cannot make the movies show the stories you want them to show. He cannot dictate that everyone be nicer to the cops. Don’t you think he would have if he could? The things people are so angry about — that the world doesn’t look like our past ideas of it, that nothing is the same anymore and the world is full of indignities and nonsense that drive us insane in a million little ways — those aren’t even all his fault.

But they’re part and parcel, aren’t they, of voting for him, since the same people who like the athletes and the movies like the Democrats? Isn’t it all just one big morass? Isn’t that the thing we liberals fail to get, over and over and over, through loss after loss after loss? That it’s not this or that percent, it’s God and the flag and traditional American values against … against. That’s what we don’t understand, right? That’s why we keep losing to him?

I haven’t felt so tired or scared since this all started. Not even in the early days of the pandemic. We lose this and we lose it all. And I’m not going to yell at protesters for protesting or even violent looters for violently looting because if they listened to me would be the first time that train ever showed up and who the fuck am I anyway to tell someone who’s angry at decades of subjugation to just put that aside? I am going to say, and I am not usually THIS pessimistic, that if we do nothing but fact-check and post memes and yell on Facebook, Michael Moore’s going to be right.

ACT NOW means register voters. It means volunteer to drive people to the polls. It means continue to post information about how to vote by mail. It means vote by mail if you can. The lines have to be out the door. The mail has to be an avalanche. It can’t be contested. It can’t be close. It has to be overwhelming and beyond dispute. It has to be a landslide the likes of which we don’t even think are possible anymore. It has to be something we ain’t ever seen in all our livin’ lives.

Can we do that? I don’t know. I look at what’s arrayed against us and honestly, until this week I would have said we’ll be okay. I would have said we’ve got a prayer. Now? I’m looking at maps to find a crossroads and I’m stocking up on salt and shovels.

ACT NOW means if you have five bucks and you haven’t given it to a candidate who needs it you need to do that. ACT NOW means sign up to text and send postcards and make your friends and kids do it too. ACT NOW means get the fuck off your social media and stop fighting the meme wars, it’s stupid, it’s unproductive, and it’s fueling the despair that, once and for all time, is NOT A PLAN.

Make a plan. Because those things up there, that Joe Biden did and didn’t do? On election day they don’t mean anything. True or false.