Baboon-a-palooza in the Corn Belt

From Holden:

Chimpy took his Social Security Demolition Derby to Iowa today. Let’s see how he did.

Here Georgie boldly promises that anyone receiving a Social Security check prior to 1950 will receive their check.

The truth is, this government will keep its promise to those people who are receiving their check today and the promise to those who were prior to 1950.

Once again, Chimpy claims that Treasury Bonds are not backed by the full faith and credit of the United States of America. Would someone, just once, ask this idiot whether or not he thinks his treasury bonds are simply “a pile of IOUs”?

By the way, we don’t have a trust in Social Security. It’s called, pay-as-you-go. See, some people think there’s a Social Security trust where we’ve taken your money, and we’ve held it for you, and then when you retire, we give it back to you. No, what happens is we take your money, we pay money out for the promises for those people who have retired, and if we’ve got anything left over, we spend it on things other than Social Security. That’s just the way it works. It’s been working that way for a long period of time. And what’s left are a pile of IOUs, paper.

He followed that lie with another, claiming that Social Security will start running a deficit in 2017. For those who don’t know, 2017 is the year that the Social Security trustees said the program will start dipping into the trust fund. But it MOST DEFINITELY WILL NOT be in “the red” at that point in time. This is simply a fabrication.

Now, as a pay-as-you-go system, when you’ve got a lot of people like me retiring, getting bigger benefits, living longer, with fewer people paying in, pretty soon the system goes into the red. And it does in 2017.

Chimpy thinks Ronald Reagan was president in 1953.

Tip O’Neill, Ronald Reagan, Bob Dole said, we’ve got a problem, let’s see if we can’t fix it. And they put together a 75-year fix, they said. First of all, I appreciate the spirit of Republicans and Democrats coming together. But it wasn’t a 75-year fix. This was 1953. We’re only in 2005. It wasn’t a 75-year fix.

And what would Baboon-a-palooza be without a racist strawman?

There’s this kind of notion that this investor class in America only applies to a certain group of people. That’s not what I think. I think the more investors we have, the more owners we have in America, the better off America is.

Once again, Chimpy reminded his anti-intellectual supporters that they don’t need no book-larnin’.

THE PRESIDENT: So that’s my thinking on the subject. I’ve got some other people up here been thinking about it, too, and I’m going to start with Jeff Brown, Dr. Jeff Brown, Ph.D. Isn’t that right?

DR. BROWN: That is correct, sir.

THE PRESIDENT: So you are now a —

DR. BROWN: Professor. I’m a professor at the University of Illinois. (Applause.) All right. Wouldn’t think I was in Hawkeye country here. (Laughter.)

THE PRESIDENT: Big Ten country. (Laughter.) Certain kind of loyalty throughout the conference.

DR. BROWN: And I’ve been studying Social Security now for about ten years.

THE PRESIDENT: I like to remind people, by the way, he’s one of my — he’s an advisor. So for the students here, take heart in this concept. He gets a Ph.D. I get Cs. (Laughter.) I’m the President and he’s the advisor. (Applause.)

DR. BROWN: All those years of education.

Actually, I’m glad the president humiliated Dr. Brown in public, since Brown felt compelled to tell this whopper.

DR. BROWN: Yes, so, you’re absolutely right that Social Security faces very severe financial problems, and they start very soon, just about 12 years from now. Really they start earlier, three years from now when the baby boomers start to retire and those surpluses that we’re running start to dwindle down. Then they turn to deficits a few years later.

Script Problems, Part I: Panelist Joe Studer strays from the script and must be reined in by the Chimpster.

MR. STUDER: We both have retirement income, much thanks to the federal government. I was a federal employee.


MR. STUDER: Started that career when I was 40 years old, did a career change — kind of like you. (Laughter.) [I wonder if he was a no good drunk and coke addict until age 40 like the president.] And I was able to, first of all, get an excellent retirement plan from my employer, which I’m now taking advantage of. And secondly, in the early ’80s, we had two opportunities to put money aside. One was the IRA that I was able to contribute a total of $6,000 to and watch it grow, and then lastly, the Thrift Savings Plan you’re talking about is the option that we all had as federal employees at that time — three choices. I contributed one-third of my contribution, 12 percent of my wages, to each choice: conservative, semi-conservative, and the ever risky stocks and bonds, the stocks in the stock market.

THE PRESIDENT: Right, and how did you do over time?

MR. STUDER: My thrift savings plan is approaching $100,000.

THE PRESIDENT: No, I’m not asking about that.


THE PRESIDENT: You’re giving too much information here.

MR. STUDER: Oh, okay, okay. (Laughter.)

Script Problems, Part II: This time Chimpy forgot to memorize his lines and had to be reined in by panelist Chuck Chris Knudesn.

THE PRESIDENT: Yes. (Laughter.) And we’re going to end up here with Chuck Knudsen. Welcome.

MR. KNUDSEN: My name is Chris Knudsen.

THE PRESIDENT: Yes — I was thinking about your brother, Chuck. (Laughter.)

MR. KNUDSEN: That’s my dad, Chuck, actually.

Script Problems, Part III: the hillarity continues as Chris Knudsen goes off-script.

MR. KNUDSEN: I’d like to have the option to spend my money the way I would like to invest it.


MR. KNUDSEN: I’ve been able to, through my dad, he showed me — kept me up to date on the family finances and things like that. And I feel that if I had some options with my own money, I could spend it wiser for myself than the government has with Social Security.

THE PRESIDENT: Yes, invest it wiser. So you won’t be spending it until you retire.

Finally, President Asshole always has to have the final word. Or does he?


MR. KNUDSEN: Thank you.

THE PRESIDENT: You want to have the final word or you want me to?

MR. KNUDSEN: I can go ahead and talk a little more if you would like. (Laughter.) I think the other key thing that most people are forgetting is the fact that if I felt that I wasn’t wise enough to invest my money and I wasn’t confident in myself, I have the option not to accept the personal account and leave the system as it is and take the system. So I have the option of doing it if I care to or not.

THE PRESIDENT: Precisely right. I appreciate you understanding that. I got the final word. (Laughter.)


I predict that the president will tire of Baboon-a-palooza soon and not make all sixty of those cities in sixty days.